"Cultivating an Embodied Inner
Lover" - by Cherie Byrd, MA
makes me grin when I think about it, for it seems I have created a very
privileged role for myself. I'm in practice as a holistic psychotherapist and I
teach "Kissing School!" I'm blessed with a lot of deeply intimate
conversations with friends, clients, and perfect strangers about their sex
lives, their longing for love, passion, what turns them on and off. I hear about
the struggles between sex and our beliefs regarding its value, its relationship
to spirit, to body images, and the power issues between partners.
told frequently that people feel cheated, that real sex doesn't live up to the
promises, the fantasy. It's clear that sexual and sensual shutdown seems to be
rampant in these stressed out times. I hear tales of hormones, non-responsive
partners, depleted energy and general disconnect from the experiences of the
body. Our inner lovers seem to have been stuffed into a dark closet along with
too many other good ideas gone wrong.
enough in this time of massive information, coaching, and personal trainers I
find almost no one holding the idea that we can educate these abandoned and
clueless inner lovers to be deep, intimate, potent and fulfilled. There is
almost no awareness that sexual energy can regenerate and heal us, offering a
luscious counterpoint to the wear and intensity of our lives. As a culture we've
pretty much split ourselves off from the impulses and energies of the body in
order to function above the neck in an extremely mental world. For this we pay a
very high price.
body is designed to be an amplifier of our inner experience, enriching us with
the felt qualities of our life and when we choose not to engage this amplifier
in our moment-to-moment consciousness we loose touch with our soul and we become
numb, disconnected, out of touch with ourselves and what we are experiencing in
any given moment. This disconnect has a large impact upon the health and
vibrancy of our bodies and our emotions because it literally unplugs us from the
bioelectrical circuitry of our subtle energy bodies.
circuits carry the mental, emotional, psychic and spiritual energetic
communication impulses to the etheric energy meridians of the physical body
where they are chemically translated into physical experience. When we
disconnect from our body we generate a deeply diminished exchange of
bioelectricity or consciousness for the conversations of the body/mind. The body
becomes clueless and we experience a sensual disconnect. We no longer sense our
emotions as they are happening, our experience of our physical body is blocked,
we lack inspiration, and we feel cut off. We are no longer functioning as a
face it, its next to impossible to leap into an experience of full body orgasm
when we are not being fully embodied organisms, no matter who is doing what to
us. What to do? What's necessary to generate a functioning energy system so that
we can directly tap into our own juice, heat, electricity and healing? Education
and practice mostly, along with a lot of internal permission.
have been schools for the loving arts all through recorded history in which
people were trained to experience giving and receiving love. They were many and
various in their intentions, ones for healing the war out of returning soldiers,
or for achieving heightened states of spiritual union, or for enhancing the
realms of communion in ones daily life. They've left us a legacy and we can
learn from them.
makes sense that energy mastery is at the core of most of these teachings.
Developing resonant states of awareness within the bodily tissues, learning to
move energy and empower the flow of communication between our body, emotions,
mind and soul are essential practices for an empowered life. These practices
naturally generate a responsive and potent inner lover; for when we are present
in the body sensual awareness can be deepened into a fine art. Subtle nuances
become very large events. The dance of energy between self and other moves us.
It becomes possible not only to experience a full body orgasm, but also to be a
body/mind/heart/spirit that is fully orgasmic.
this fully embodied state one can experience orgasm from a kiss, from a tongue
sliding between fingers, from a drop of water running down the spine, from any
point of connection with a partner or oneself, the world, or from the mere idea
of it. Well-educated inner lovers have the ability to open us deeply to healing,
transformation and the rich presence of our inherently bright spirits. Learning
begins with where we are now, graduate school is optional.
everyday steps toward cultivating an embodied inner lover:
Learn to BE HERE NOW. By trying to be everywhere we end up nowhere. Our access
to our power is available now, and now, and now, and...Bring yourself to it
again, and again and...
Learn to breathe deeply and do it a lot! Diaphragmatic breathing generates an
increased flow of chi, or vital energy in the body. If you are aware of your
heart chakra open it at the top of the inhalation allowing it to fill full of
light. On the exhalation allow this lightforce to flow thru the body. This
practice will directly impact sexual potency.
Learn to walk using your whole body, beginning the step from the hip and
allowing it to flow thru the upper and lower body, arms swinging in counter
position to the legs. Now do it while breathing diaphragmatically! With this we
encourage the brain/body conversation.
Drink pure water often. Yup, another bid for increased water drinking. One of
the reasons that water is so recommended everywhere is that it is an essential
carrier for the bioelectricity. Our whole field droops when we are dry.
Get good massages, practice yoga, or do frequent stretching of any kind. Our
chronic tension patterns are the prison bars of our inner lover. We have to move
past our disembodied energy habits in order to recreate them. Keeping the mind
focused encouragingly within the body during the massage and the stretch will
open the door to new possibilities.
Reconnect with your senses. Awareness and permission are the keys. Really feel
every nuance of what goes on in your shower, taste a whole meal often, feel the
texture of the earth underfoot as you walk in nature. Learn to become
multi-sensual; walk feeling the earth, smelling the air, seeing the various
shades of all the colors around you, feeling the variance of temperature on your
face as you pass through the sun and shade while breathing diaphragmatically!
You'll become so very alive.
Risk letting down the walls between you and other...people, plants, pets,
sunsets, experiences. Feel yourself in the presence of life. This is where
published by Women Net Work, women's publication for growth and wellness, Feb
Bio: Cherie Byrd is an internationally recognized holistic psychotherapist, author, healer, speaker and educator specializing in body/heart/mind/spirit integration, spiritual emergence, and sacred sexuality. She has been in private practice in Seattle, WA since 1978 and is a pioneer in the field of Energy Psychology. Cherie can be reached at http://www.lotusholistictherapies.com, or 206.324.2526.