It's February already, Sheesh! Just did my taxes. If you are using the 1040EZ form, I'd suggest you look into the 1040A, especially if you are paying out of pocket for things such as tuition, dental/medical (with little or no coverage), moving expenses, Earned Income Credit. And for WA state residents, a little known thing of being able to write off general sales tax. Maria Cantrell, my senator had a note about this in her email newsletter. Here's the short news update:
"Putting Money Back Into The Pockets of Washington Taxpayers"
As Washingtonians begin receiving their W-2 forms, I want to make sure everyone remembers to take advantage of the sales tax deduction. Taxpayers across our state are facing the strain of sky-high energy, education, and health care costs. The sales tax deduction is a good way for them to get hard-earned money back into their wallets. In most states, taxpayers are allowed to deduct state income tax from their federal taxes. However, residents of states with a higher sales tax in place of state income taxes have not been allowed a sales tax deduction since changes to the tax code were made in 1986. In 2004, I worked to pass provisions to promote tax fairness and allow Washington state taxpayers to deduct state and local sales taxes from their annual federal income tax returns. Last year, Washingtonians used the deduction to claim $2 billion on their tax returns. Taxpayers who took advantage of the cut saved an average of over $500 each. This is about tax fairness. Without this deduction, Washingtonians get taxed twice—once when they make a purchase and again when they file their tax returns. With the sales tax deduction expiring after the 2005 tax season, I’m leading the fight to make it permanent.
The IRS has posted tables and instructions at http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/i1040sa.pdf. See page 11 for the Washington state table. There is a fact sheet on the sales tax deduction at http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=152316,00.html.
Just looking over the 1040 form series can give you some ideas as to what you can claim, and one can always gain more info on those that apply, by going to IRS If you are going to get screwed by paying taxes without representation (for the moment), then I would suggest paying as little as possible. You work hard for what you get without questioning what it is you are missing out on by checking out the forms.
It's been interesting to watch Bush and company play this fantasy game of theirs, and getting away with it at the moment, by using a very manipulative ploy of using the power that comes with their positions to say things that aren't true, expecting people to just believe them and not press further for answers and facts from other than the Gang of Liars. They have their fingers into a lot of things, using backroom tactics, manipulations, and intimidations by key players on their team. It's a game, a power game, and they know what is at stake for them, and they are going to keep pushing, pretending as if they care and are concerned for our well being. No one seems to be willing to take a stand, and it is rather interesting to watch the democrats do nothing except vote no on the last "Puppet Judge" voted into the supreme court. My take on the supreme court and the whole legal system at this stage of the game is it's nothing but a big joke. A group of selected people who get voted in for life, supposedly to uphold the law and protect the rights of all people. Right? I see them upholding what is right for the moment for who's in charge, what mind frame is considered appropriate by the rich, corporations, religion, and the ignorant. One can see a long history of this ignorance in the supreme court all the way up to the present. Law and lawyers are rather sardonic, especially if you watch what is going on with current law interpretations, as if somehow all these centuries of being a democracy and it's still not been figured out. What hasn't been figured out is all the lack of truthfulness, integrity, compassion, and unconditional love. One of these days!
I live in Bellingham, WA and it has been getting busy up here with Homeland Security; it should be called Homeland Insecurity, since they are projecting their own issues. We now have the Coast Guard permanently stationed in Fairhaven, near the shipyard, with a 87' boat, two 41' utility boats, and one 27' safe boat. We have various helicopters flying around regularly, and today I saw a military Black Hawk helicopter, only this one was all black with a red door, an odd color scheme altogether, given Black Hawk's aren't used for civilian uses, at least not that I know of, and the damn thing was flying right over the center part of downtown Bellingham quite low. It makes me feel safe knowing the Bush Team is so concerned for us and our well being???
Another Bush statement was his recent comments to anti-abortionists, telling them via a telephone conversation to continue on with their fight, that eventually they would win and that the rest of us would come to understand where they were coming from. Ironically the man and his followers truly believe they care about the lives of the unborn. Unfortunately, its too bad their actions for the lives of those children and adults who are currently living show that they don't give a damn about them. It is ironic that Bush and company state they are pro-life, but how quaint that he believes torture is acceptable, believes that it's all right to use inhumane tactics on the "prisoners of war," yet he would call them something else so as to avoid having abide by the Geneva Prisoner of War Convention. A real slime ball he is, cutting monies to take care of those who cannot take care of themselves; the poor, the elderly, the mentally ill, and most amazingly of all the veterans who put their lives on the line, who were damaged in body, mind, and soul. How amazing for someone who got his father to pull strings to get him into a National Guard unit, and then eventually play hooky, professing to be off helping with political races? Right. You didn't see anyone else in the services pulling that crap. Then his military records disappear during his presidential race and no one knows where they are. How interesting, especially how anal retentive government is, probably more so with the military, since they are not a democratically run outfit. Bush is a real winner for sure, never had to put his own pathetic neck on the line, yet forces others to do his dirty work and he has the audacity to pull funding and not take care of their needs. And the same goes for the rest of the slime he surrounds himself with. They are not human beings. Perhaps somewhere deep in the recesses of their souls, it's there, but what is operating them at the moment is a lot of darkness within the fragmented corners of their psyches.
Give them enough rope and they will hang themselves...
Give them credit for having done their homework on how to manipulate the law, play backroom power plays, hide what they are doing, using intimidation and manipulation tactics, and a host of other non-democratic tactics. At this stage of the game, I strongly suspect they were in on 9/11, and there has been a lot of planning for this to be pulled off to get to this stage of the game. I personally think they were also behind the anthrax mailings in the senate buildings, which allowed them free access into their offices, records, etc and it would be interesting to have experts go through all their offices to see if they were bugged. And I believe that communications have been eavesdropped on for some time now. They seem to be always ahead of the game to know what is going on and there is only one way to do that. The way most of congress has been acting, makes me wonder if they are being blackmailed somehow. I don't know about any of this, but I don't overlook anything when you have people like them who are completely ruthless, cunning, who thrive on power and money. The dark raises its ugly head every so often and this is one of those times again. This time it is going to be resolved permanently. That's my prediction for 2006.
I received this incredible video in my email today, so am posting it to download. It's called Just Imagine You can click on the link or right click to download.
I just got back from biology class tonight. I am never at a loss for the amazing things that Spirit has created. The teacher was talking about mitosis and was explaining some of the parts as machines??? This stuff is living stuff that we're made of and we didn't design it, and I find it incredibly ignorant that those educated in science and scientists call life a machine. If you want to call it a machine that is fine, but comparing it the crap we humans make, there is no comparison whatsoever. I consider it a form of ignorance, in that there is no mention of Spirit's hand in all of this creation and that is continually evolving, whether or not we are enlightened or ignorant.
Last week in lab, I managed to get an interesting pond water specimen, and it had the most incredible life forms in it. I was flabbergasted by them. Here's one of them, though seeing it as an ongoing event is quite amazing, considering you are looking at it through a 100x objective and it's about 600 micrometers long or 6.0 x 10 to the negative 8, (sorry, haven't figured out how to get scientific notation symbols for FrontPage) Here's some images of them http://www.cladocera.de/cladocera/taxonomy/alo.html. The other life from I saw was even more incredible. I can't quite find the exact class, but this is a close approximation: http://www.micrographia.com/specbiol/helmint/annelhom/olig0100.htm Seeing it live under the microscope at 100x and seeing it move around, and seeing all the living tissues moving about was just incredible. I could've watched them for hours, not that I want to be a biologist or anything, but because of the incredible design of it and that it has a purpose being here, doing what it does, at its tiny size, along side us silly humans. Humans are so full of themselves that there is no room for the essential equality of all beings and life forms on this planet. Ignorance is not a blissful state.
So with that I bid you good night and may you have interesting dreams.
I found this other anonymous web surfing software called JAP located here:
JAP is different from TOR in that it masks your IP and sites visited with your ISP. TOR only hides your IP from the websites you are visiting. So far, JAP is free, being run on a research grant, but they are asking on their website survey, what you would be willing to pay for this service. I wrote in free for each question. I've tried it out this evening and it does work. After browsing, I went to my ISP site to check to see if it listed any of them; NOPE. Quite frankly, they have no right whatsoever to eavesdrop on people, especially when they are paying for a service. This reminds me of most corporations you telephone nowadays. They usually put you on hold and immediately you hear this pathetic message stating they are "monitoring" for purposes of training and or to improve service. They can choose really nice words all they want, but it's still called eavesdropping. One time I decided to tell the customer person rep that I didn't want to be monitored while we were talking. I was told they didn't have any control over that. I finished my business with them, then told her I wanted to speak with her supervisor. This woman told me that they couldn't shut it off because it was automated. She acted like the machine was God and she had no control over turning it off. I did tell her I considered it eavesdropping and that it was dishonest and lacking in integrity. How pathetic we have become when we tell customers the computer is doing it and we have no control over it. Right!?! I am always amazed at how low people stoop and then pretend like they are innocent.
I had a turtle dream this morning and went to do some research on-line for symbolism and facts. I ran into this website on sea turtles and it had an excerpt from "The Little Prince," and they tied it into the turtles. Here's the link: http://www.turtles.org/memoriam/memoriam.htm
There's been a lot going on these last few days. Yesterday was quite the remarkable day. I'd gotten to my art studio and was calling around trying to find someone to do bodywork with. Saturday was an intense days, one of those days for me where I feel I am at the edge of unfolding another part of myself; sort of like a seed that begins to germinate in the soil and slowly pushes up its shoots, while at the same time pushing down root hairs. Only I don't think I was pushing root hairs :) At any rate, it seems like every time I am in that space of unfolding, I am wanting to do bodywork to help facilitate the birthing process, only no one is available. I am besides myself to birth this and no one is around. Needless to say, it was feeling like this was going to be the same thing. About an hour after calling and leaving messages with various practitioners, I got up to go out of my art studio and the doorknob wouldn't budge. I spent several minutes twisting the damn thing, then going and getting a putty knife and trying to pop the latch to no avail. In all the years I've been living, I've never heard of a doorknob jamming. The funny part of this has to do with Friday night. I was painting, when I heard this loud pounding going on repeatedly. I finally went outside to see what the hell was going on and here is Arron trying to break into his office. I asked him what was up and he told me he had left the office to use the bathroom and when he came back the door lock would not open with the key. He was locked out with all his stuff inside. So, I helped him get the lock out of the door to gain entry.
So, here I am in the same predicament, only I can't get out and I have to go to the bathroom. Go figure. I spent some more time trying to get the door latch to release to no avail. So, then I called down to the manager's office and he's not in. Monday his business is closed, as are everyone else in the building. I called another couple I knew down the hall, but they too were off. So, I called the manager's house and got his answering machine. Needless to say, when I was in the middle of trying to get the door open at first, the phone rings, and it's the woman reflexologist I'd called. She tells me she can't do it today and I tell her this is not my day, explaining about the locked door and my batting zero with getting bodywork when I need it. Amazingly she said she could fit me in at 2pm. She told me to call if I couldn't make it. I told her I'd be there if I had to break the door down.
I am trying hard to disbelieve this is happening to me. I'm quite calm about it, and am thinking about the significance of this, the symbolic context of it. Suddenly, I remember being 4 yrs old or so and my sister and I were put down for an afternoon nap. I wake up and go to leave the room and the door is locked. My mother had locked the door from the outside and went a few houses down the street to her girlfriend's house. We lived out in the middle of farm country at the time. I was wanting out and so I looked out the windows; those types that are up high on the wall and are small rectangle shaped with the bottom of the window opening out with a handle. I look down at the ground below, about 8 feet or so. By this time my sister wakes up and I'm trying to talk her into jumping out the window onto the pillows; I'm too afraid to do it myself. Just when she's about ready to say yes, my mother comes in and opens the door.
I grew up in a really conservative Christian Republican space/time continuum; go figure. As I am recalling this, I'm feeling my own angst about wanting to get out, and I am realizing this is how I felt as a kid. I realize how fucked up that was then. How controlling those years were and me a kid with spirit flowing normally, wanting to just be me and go about my business in the world. Only there's all these forced things to do, rules to follow, insane rules, and spankings if you don't abide by them, and I don't mean the type where you get a little spanking. I mean the type where your ass gets whacked. As, I'm thinking about those times and being in the now, it occurs to me how this door is a reflection of that past door and how my not being able to open it became a given for many situations in my later years. How I just gave up trying to open doors because the damn things never opened; either I couldn't get them open or the insane adults I was surrounded by guarded the door in one form or another. It occurred to me that after a time I just stopped trying. Only here I am with this door not opening and I am starting to get annoyed. I realize I've got some tools and can pop out the door hinge pins, using a cast iron soldier I've had for years. The thing works great for a hammer. I get the pins off and then get the putty knife and screw driver and try to pry out the door, only it is not budging. Great. So, I keep working it, making sure I don't snap the only tools I have. At some point, I remember there's no school today and my friend Janet might be home. So, I call her up in the hope's she can come and kick in the door at the hinges.
I'm fortunate because she answers the phone and says she can be there in 20 minutes. After she hangs up, I'm standing there just reflecting some more and suddenly I am wanting to rage and smash the security glass out of the door with my foot and shred the door. It occurs to me that I need to get this door off, that I have to do it myself with no help. It's important to resolve the past and so I get back down and work at the hinges with the screw driver, prying the door away, and reaching underneath the door to pull. I'm possessed at this point, determined I'm going to get out, and then the door is off the hinges. I am elated, but the damn door ways about 100+ pounds. I get off and lay it against the hallway wall. Then I call Janet back to tell her I got it off. She tells me I sound upset and I tell her what I realized about the door and how it was about a lot of later doors; opportunities, situations, relationships, employment, life, joy, creative endeavors, etc. I was getting emotional about this, felt something shift internally. Janet helped me the most by just being there, willing to help, and helping me to realize I was upset and to put it into perspective. I thanked her and hung up.
There were some other things that clarified for me about that door. But, the door from the past was a memory of a time when I was small, with no experience or know how about doors, about dysfunctional people, tools, etc. In my limited understandings, even though I had my spirit, my heart, and my functioning self, it wasn't enough in dealing with all the insanity that was going on. I made some assumptions then based on not enough information; who could blame me. So, this idea that we are responsible for our selves, that we create our world is not quite accurate. Yes, they are our beliefs, but as children we have to assume that what we are told is the truth, and sometimes we know we are being lied to, but it is not in our best interests to point this out; not if you want a hand on your ass or a belt or a paddle. Pain is something to avoid, so most children just forget what they know or intuit; shut it off. And so comes the journey of following what others tell you.
I have a moment of inner connection with that small boy standing there with me and the two of us being triumphant at getting the door opened. I have a dialogue with him about his not having enough information, not enough experience, and no tools to work with then, and the fact that he was too small to do anything, even if he had those things. So, I do creative imagination of being able to open all the closed doors that need to be open for where I am in this moment and for future moments. Something shifted for me. I wound up biking over the hardware store and got a decent lockset for the door, one that has screws on the inside to unscrew it should the damn lock not work.
I made it for my reflexology appointment and it was amazing. When I got done it took me ten minutes to get up out of the chair. I had to re-learn balancing myself and walking again. I'll be going back for more. As I walked down the hallway to the stairs, I realized I was walking really slow. I did this all the way back to my studio. She opened up what needed to get out. Later in the afternoon, I got a call back from another healer, his assistant telling me they were closed, but could get me an A.M. appointment the next day. Later that day, a friend called up to ask if she could use my printer. She came over later, after I had rested. I was out of it still because I was about to leave. Thankfully she showed up early, listening to her intuition that I was going to not be there. While she's printing, she's telling me about a healing session she did with a woman who uses music and sound. While she's waiting for the woman to finish with her client, she here's the woman calling from the room. Seems her doorknob wouldn't open either and they had to let her out. Something weird is going on in Bellingham. Something is not wanting us to get out the doors. Too bad, because its time has come and gone, whatever it is.
Today's session was very beneficial in getting grounded more, which helped shift some energy down my right leg. I really appreciate this guy I go too because he is so damn authentic. He's the only one who I can relate with with awareness. He reminded me that it is not easy to wake up. In fact, it gets tougher as you go; but the fact is you come to realize the price you paid for being asleep and are willing to do the necessary work, but that doesn't mean its easy. I appreciated being reminded of this, because sometimes you get lost in all the angst of doing the work and being in the world surrounded by the insanity. I got some good pointers, and I have some great people to go do healing work with to release more.
I didn't get much accomplished today, but later in the day I decided I needed to paint. I've not been doing hardly any at all. I finished one, and started two others. What a process that was. I was listening to some good music for my soul and the whole process allowed me to feel deep feelings and to cleanse my emotions with tears. There were moments where the act of painting particular aspects just triggered tears, this grief that needed to get out. I am a believer in the healing aspects of painting. I am exhausted, but was able to get out what needed transforming. Living in this world is a great sorrow, of knowing my own pain, which has allowed me to know others pain. There are so many human beings out there who are damaged, lost, crippled, and even dead. I have been seeing these young people who are in pain. I see it in their faces, their demeanor, the life has been drained out of them, they have given up, have taken to many wounds and are spiritually wounded. I am seeing my response-ability beginning to unfold on how I am to assist those who can be assisted. Ironically, some don't want to be assisted. They are dancing away with the dark spirits, who control them in ways they don't even realize; and there is a price to pay for that sort of thing.
I have been tapped into this for a long time and it has been too intense and today was a culmination of cleansing myself, of shifting gears, and climbing a bit higher in the energy. I can see I'm going to have to continue painting if I am to free myself. I'll share something tomorrow that Robert Bly wrote in regards to art and madness. What we need is more people willing to wake up to this madness to shift the energy to positive levels again.
In the meantime, it's late, I'm tired and it's time to rest. Tomorrow's another day.
I came back to my art studio yesterday to find an elder woman at my door looking at my artwork on the hallway walls. We got to talking, and she was looking for someone who had an antique store in our building. She was given some erroneous info. But, our conversation continued about art, and she was going on about the colors of my art being somber, dark, and chaotic. I had fun engaging her in regards to the energetics of colors, the interplay of complimentary colors engaging each other, and how this plays out in emotions and such. I gave her a lot to think about. At some point she noticed a quote of mine that I put up with my artwork:
"Religion today is a form of spiritual brain washing, which uses fear, shame, guilt, manipulation, coercion, intimidation, misinformation, and peer pressure to subdue the human spirit to conformity and control by others. It is the feeding off of other human's spiritual energy."
-Sherman R. Buck
I thought for sure she was going to go on about it. I had the feeling she was not very open in this regard. She surprised me though, but did go on about being a Christian and praying to Jesus and such. So, I had an opportunity to engage her and brought up how many profess to be Christian, yet seem to follow little of what they preach. She had mentioned how the bible has all you the answers you need to live by and to know Jesus. I told her I didn't need a book to know spirit, that each of us has a direct connection to spirit within our hearts. She was a bit startled by this, but I saw a light go on in her head. I brought up the likes of those like Bush who profess to read the bible and to know God/Jesus, but their actions don't support the words they speak. I specifically brought up Bush's recent babblings about how abortion is wrong, that we are killing spirit. I told her that it is pretty arrogant of humans to think they have the power to kill a soul/spirit. A bit later she began to talk about her family and all their dysfunctions, mostly her siblings. She of course didn't have any issues, and that is most assuredly a denial on her part. One can see these things in people, especially if you know it in your own self and deal with it. Later on, she brought up her mission in life is to save people's souls.
I had to chuckle because it is so ridiculous to think that this sort of mindset has all the answers of being saved. The entire process is nothing more than an intellectual process of maintaining one's denial of inner connection by concocting some fairy tale story about one needs to do in order to be accepted by Jesus/God in order to gain entry into heaven. Heaven is always in the moment, the present, and most are never there because they live in fear, shame, and guilt, which takes them away from ever knowing the heaven that exists when we get rid of the fear, shame, and guilt, along with getting the ego to lessen its incessant chatter. I have seen people at the local co-op and elsewhere, go on about the bible and they quote it profusely, and they never question what it means beyond what they have been told by any particular branch of religion. I'm reminded of a retired WWU professor, Dick Feringer, whom I worked for in 99'. Dick told me about Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy and gave me a copy of his lecture notes from Rosenstock-Huessy's lectures. Dick's lecture notes, specifically the one's on comparative religion, can be found on this website dedicated to Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy http://www.argobooks.org/feringer-notes/r32.html#1. This relates to what I am talking about, wherein those who profess to be religious as being very immature in their understanding of said religion, being unable to think outside the box they have been put into in regards to contemplating about the written word in any religious writings. I'd recommend reading his points; very informative to say the least.
On another note, I've been painting again, completing four new ones, and another two started. I was painting Thursday night, finishing up one and that was a powerful experience. I was listening to some great heart music for me and the whole process of painting became a grieving process. I was amazed at how the movements I was painting, the shapes, the colors were intricately woven into what was being expressed through me onto paper. This went on for a couple of hours. I felt like a birthed an elephant in some regards. Painting is such a powerful engagement with spirit. I can see why I avoid it at times. It takes me to places long forgotten by our entire society/world, places we need to discover again to release the terrible hold the darkness and insanity has on all of our spirits. I've got nine artwork pictures to post from Summer and Fall, and the ones from the last month or so. I need to buy a digital camera, so I don't have to keep borrowing one from someone. Maybe this year before school starts. I also got Photoshop CS2, but it is so complicated that I avoid the damn thing; the digital images I have are still not fixed. I was talking to an illustrator I know and she got CS2 and said it is hard for her to use as well. Seems they keep getting more complicated. Go figure.
A few choice quotes on art for today from Robert & Barbara Muller's Good Morning World's Idea Dream Email List: http://robertmuller.org/
"Art must be a source of joy and hope."
"Art is spirituality. Art is thought. Art is imagination. Art is feeling. Art is action. Art is the highest expression of life, of being. Art and life must be one."
"Art encapsulates life. It makes our lives and dreams durable."
I had planned on going to bed on time tonight, but got into a fiction story that really moved me. There's something about "normal" consciousness that leads most into avoidance behaviors. The suffering that goes on in our world is horrific to say the least. Tonight is one of those night when I look back on my own life, the coldness that I lived through in my neck of the woods growing up, living the "American Dream." It sure was a dream, a fantasy away from the reality of being in the present, with parents and other "normal" adults taking swings with hands and words, while living in their heads in the past and future. I fared better than most. I think it comes from prior lives spent preparing for the next lifetime of waking up out of the insanity and finding ways to be amongst the lunatics. I think I got tired of the same old thing time after time, until I finally broke from the tried and true and started carving a different path to alleviate what was eating at me.
There never seems to be an end to the stories of pain and suffering that the many do for their own name or in the name of other people, and often misunderstood ones at that. It starts in childhood, this damaging process, and it is an incredible project to recover from it; daunting is an appreciative word to use. Sort of like one getting ready to begin a quest or climb a mountain, or climb a vertical untainted and untarnished. But, the best intentions we arrived with on this plane, often fall short, not because it's not possible, but because it can't be done with intellect, at least not the intellect we have come to know. And I am constantly amazed at how people turn away, choosing fear over love, and perhaps it is not even a choice as it is a a reaction to an old pattern; one that we knew well as children. The vast majority of human beings are still children in matured physical bodies. We were never allowed the space, nor did we get the nourishment to put down roots to mature mentally, emotionally, sexually, creatively, psychically, or spiritually. Instead, we have this body that is locked down into an actual prison to conform to cultural norms dictated by church and state; church and state should be read as ignorant people who like the dark more than the light.
I have been watching the full spectrum of lunacy going on in the world. The funny part is that it has always been this way. We are just beginning to wake up to how fucked up it is. The masses have been wearing rose colored glasses for a long time. They don't even realize they have glasses on. We have given our power away to these institutions, believing what they tell us. Perhaps we believe them because we do not want to challenge those who have long held the power reigns in this realm. It's akin to living with an alcoholic; the elephant in the living room. How ironic that we have a big Republican elephant in our living room at the moment. Instead of a bull in a china shop, we have an Elephant. Yet, the donkey we had in the living room was just as destructive, only in a different way.
I think about Rome and the Catholic Church, and the billions, if not trillions it holds in money, investments, art, land, and all the while it sits on its wealth advocating foolish notions to the poor and downtrodden. I see this male figures living in luxury, dressing in silly outfits, as if they were chosen ones. How absurd. How ironic there are no females in those high places. And yet they have the audacity to profess to know God. They don't know anything except their own vanity, greed, and hunger for power. They are the living dead, feeding off the populace like the vampires they are. They are not of the light and they have never been of the light. If one looks at the subsequent factions who have fractured off from the original church (that's a funny context), one can see truth was locked down, which is why they left. That is not to say that all fractures had it figured out
The young get it at home, in their neighborhoods, at school, and at church; go figure. We all want a safe haven, a place to go to ride out the storm. I used to think friends would fulfill that, but how could they, when they are caught up in their own dysfunctional dance in the customized dysfunctional dance of family, school, church, community, and world? Life time after life time, we struggle to awaken out of the stupor of forgetfulness before we die. Only most lives we never even make a dent or scratch on the surface of things. What is it that makes someone finally get it, finally wake up a bit, finally take notice of something not right with how the way things are? Distractions take us away, where we often lose our way again and again and again. Fear raises its ugly head and we tumble back down into the lower levels of energetic livelihood in the lower vibrations of the living.
One follows the traditional rules of how to be, how to act, how to think, and this dance becomes so habitual that no further inquiry is necessary to survive. But, what is it we are supposed to survive? This obsession with security, this drive for material goods, the need for control over another, the jealousy of another, the willingness to harm others, to not care about those in pain; what is it that causes us to be so out of touch with ourselves and the other? I'm not giving answers to these questions, because they are meant for you the reader to dwell on. I have contemplated these things for over four years, as I have continued through my transformation node; my current one is about to shift to a new one.
I know the only thing I can count on is myself and spirit. Realistically, there is no one who is ever going to be able to This one is going to be a requirement of making a deeper connection within my own self. There are always newer levels to drop down into within ourselves; sort of like an artichoke; you never really ever find the center.