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January 2011



1.08.11 -  


"A good judge of character is knowing your own characters."

    - Sherman Buck


If you don't know the various inner characters of your enculturated personality, how can you discern the others character. Perhaps it comes down to becoming conscious of the various characters/charades and becoming authentic, which brings about an inner Oneness that dissolves the escapades of fantasy that has deluded clarity of the heart.




How much pain and suffering does it take to finally wake up?




Did the door ever close on your full awareness?




Observe the reacting.




1.30.11 -


I've had lots of time lately for deeper introspection as the inner shifts continue to flow along. Letting go really is the only way to let go. Resisting is the key component to continuing living in the madness of continual thinking. I find myself often seeking quiet and solitude. I stopped watching television ten years ago and have not regretted it one bit. I also stopped listening to mainstream radio as well, finally tiring of the obsessive drone of commercials seeking to hook one into some form of guilt, shame, or fear for some ridiculous product or service; something one needs to be complete. How absurd when one is already complete at one's authentic core. I like to listen to non-commercial Internet radio, but even that is being surpassed by the need for ongoing silence.


If you want to become more acquainted of what is in the way of waking up, then try sitting in silence with no distractions. See how long you can last, as it can be quite revealing to the forces within that have a vested interest in your not doing so. Notice what you do on a daily basis to keep yourself busy and to eat up time to avoid authentic self. The personae/mask/facade is so heavily invested in your identity, that there is no room/awareness for even becoming conscious of your true self. I'm reminded of the movie Manufacturing Consent by Noam Chomsky, more so the title than the movie's content. Each person is consistently manufacturing their consent to living a fabricated lie of who they are.


I spend a great deal just watching people in my day to day activities at work and during my own free time. I am amazed and appalled at the level people identify with something outside themselves as their self-worth and always rooted in what others will think about them or what they will do to them. Look around your own life, your own surroundings and notice all the "things" everyone agrees to for fitting in and being accepted as their self-worth. The list really is endless and includes aspects that have no bearing on their self-worth at all. Yet the game continues on as if one's life depended on playing the game. What I am noticing more so of late are those who believe they don't play the game, when in fact they do, they just have fine tuned the mental masturbation to such a high degree of sophistication, in order to avoid having to exit the mindless charades of thinking; as if one can discern proper thinking from dysfunctional thinking.


Thinking is not required period. And you will not experience the reality of this if you don't disconnect from those people, places, and things that keep you caught up in mental masturbation. I'm sure there are some out there who dislike my using the word masturbation, and that to is just more mental masturbation. In this case, it's mental masturbation not liking the term mental masturbation being used to describe what it does repetitively with ugly regularity. I have said it before and I will say it again. Thinking is not required.


If you take the time to observe the inner chatter, watch it as much as the inner chatter babbles on, you will begin to notice some intriguing processes going on in the background. If you don't take the time they will stay hidden and that is exactly why the many do not take the time to sit quietly to observe this inner nonsense. Having an identification with this gibbering nonsense has become so deeply rooted that seems to be "normal." Is it normal for continual judgments to spew forth second to second, minute to minute without interruption? Is it normal to live in a state of guilt, shame, and fear? Is it normal to be angered, hateful, vengeful? Is it normal to wage violence on others for the varied reasons given by those who perform them either directly or indirectly? Cultural forces directed by dysfunctional humans have created a vortex that sucks the many into the opposite of authentic to such a degree, that if you were to experience a crack in your personae/mask/facade, a terror would arise that would shake the foundation your house of cards


Thinking creates this delusional house of cards; a mental house of cards designed with a software program of words designed to create a maze that locks one into an obsessive/compulsive drive to maintain those limited boxes of beliefs for conformity. What started this bizarre behavior was the need to survive as children growing up with all the insanity around us. What was meant to be a survival strategy of taking on various acting roles went on for so long that we lost site of the fact were acting. The reptilian functions of the triune brain system took over and have been running the show for some time without much awareness of authenticity.


I can finally say that I have arrived at the point of complete separation of the need to want to be part of this world. I can no fully understand what it means to be in the world but not of it. I have lost the delusion that the world we live in is this wonderful place. I have come to experience the level of pain and suffering in my own self from buying into this game and can realize from experience the level of everyone else's pain and suffering. One would "think" that those in the mental wards are insane, but truth be told, they are probably the closest to waking up, to begin the incredible challenge of waking up out of the nightmare everyone else is living. There is nothing worth salvaging out of this nightmare. It will all have to change in order to align itself with Divine Love.


The game takes on a whole new meaning of what sado-masochism is. One of the challenges of waking up is having to face the truth of what is not. Someone once told me they would wake up in their own time by finding out what they weren't. They were right and you can have that approach as there are as many ways to avoid yourself as there in finding yourself. It's one of those mental masturbation tricks comparable to the analogy is the glass half full or half empty? And then there are those who like to step away from that dualistic gambit towards some other masturbation trickery designed to cultivate intellectual superiority, but its just another ploy by ego.


To simplify this, let me share what I notice observing this inner chatter box. A situation will get created that pisses me off. Since I am grounded in my observer self, I notice there's a reaction to the situation which tries to draw the observer into the charade. Sometimes it succeeds and I play out that role until I realize again that it is a ploy. I step back from this reaction realizing the folly I just got hooked into and regain my center. Being in the body also gives you the added benefit/awareness of knowing when your energy centers get triggered, shutting down your consciousness to lesser levels. I am aware when my stomach muscles tense up or the heart chakra gets shut down a few notches by patterned body posturing that shuts off awareness. The level of this sophisticated shutting down is phenomenal to say the least. It's like learning to navigate and chart the fathomless depths of the ocean, but instead it is your own inner depths that you are learning to explore.


There are times upon careful scrutiny when I react and get caught up in some delusion and pull out of it that the chatter box will trigger other emotions in the emotional chakra and I am pulled into judging that which created the situation in the first place and observe some other aspect that has me "believing" it is my authentic self chastising that which created the situation. The truth is, the situation was created by, reacted to, judged by, condemned by the same forces. Do you follow what I am getting at here? You get pissed off at some event and then you start getting furious at having been duped and start judging that which duped you. But the question begets, who is furious? Who is being duped? Who is judging and condemning? Authentic self has no need of this at all. So who and what is it? Does it matter?


You don't get the job you want or the wages you think you deserve. Your lover dumps you, your parents don't approve of what you are doing or becoming. Or one gets obsessed on needing to have some thing or some title or some event or some status in order to be "successful." The reactions are indicative of the problem, of the software program, of the dysfunctional forces at work. Ever single thing you react to is designed to knock you off balance, to gain control over your awareness of your authentic self. The minute the web is weaved and you react, you are stuck in the web period.


Then challenge is to realize you've walked into the spider's web and its sticking to your face. Does freaking out and reacting in fear offer any solutions to the situation? No! What reacting does is ensure the thorn gets dug in deeper and deeper till its got you hooked energetically on the mental plane. The problem with pain and suffering is we want a short term solution and will typically react to get out of the situation. But mental reactions are like quicksand, the more you struggle the more it pulls you under until you disappear into its depths and cease to exist. In this case, the you is your authentic self that disappears into the quagmire of the mental masturbations.


So, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to continue reacting and struggling or are you going to learn how to get rid of the personas/masks/facades that imprison you in their webbing? Your choice as always.


People will change only when their pain and suffering is greater than their fear of change. In order to avoid the pain and suffering, the many resort to an infinite number of creative ways. Imagine what they could have created had they utilized all that time, money, and effort towards waking up.


People will change only when their pain and suffering is greater than their fear of change.


The problem has gotten so big and so deep and the pain and suffering so great that we are way overdue for change. Unfortunately the side effects of this much pain and suffering has the potential of creating some pretty ugly situations of which we have been living through over the centuries and are currently involved in. There's an easy way and a hard way. Typically the many have chosen the hard way. Perhaps there's enough awareness to seek an easier way. By easy, I don't mean avoiding feelings, emotions, and truth. 


Easy is going towards the truth rather than away from it. Though it may seem like death might rear its ugly head if we do that, the truth is your salvation. You can't know that because mental masturbation can never know the truth, as truth is a direct experience and it is the knowingness of direct experience that will set you free and you know it viscerally in your bones. What are you waiting for?


People will change only when their pain and suffering is greater than their fear of change.



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