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The Way Of Light

 

Relationships

 

By Sherman R. Buck

 

 

 

 

Relationships are a funny thing. There is no one right way of being in a relationship. The idea that monogamy is the only authentic, real, functional type of relationship is based in various forms of western Christian oriented social programming. Not to mention the economic factors and legal laws that make any other type of relationship possible. Those that do are typically shunned by mainstream individuals who follow the rules to fit in and be accepted. Those interested in an excellent book about the way cultural forces others to conform is Richard Bach's book "Jonathan Livingston Seagull." I write this for those of you who are stifled by the current mode of being in relationship with others and who know within their being that relationships can be across an incredible spectrum of flavors. I will also state for everyone's benefit that heterosexuality is not the only flavor of love. Heterosexuality is not better, not healthier, not more functional, not in God's favor, nor any of the other non-sense spewed out by so called loving beings. 

Unconditional love speaks for itself and if it comes from someone's heart, then that is all that matters. If anyone thinks otherwise, then they are doing exactly that, thinking about what love is based on their own brand of brainwashing done in their early years. No book, not even the bible, can tell you about what love is. Only the heart can do that. Anyone says otherwise is not coming from their heart no matter how many times they say they are. Our culture is full of many individuals who's actions do not match their words. This is a key issue in regards to understanding any truth. The other has to do with listening deeply with your own heart, for there is where your true relationship with God/Goddess rests, always. But, we are a culture full of people who follow along blindly because someone else says so and in fear of not being accepted. Truth is, if you don't accept yourself first, no amount of others accepting you will ever be enough. So, with that said...be yourself...if you like someone of the opposite or same sex or one of each or more, that is what your being calls forth from within...honor yourself, love yourself, treasure yourself, for you are uniquely a one of a kind spiritual being in this world to do what no other can, which is to be the best you...

We all are in relationships with every person, place, and thing we come in contact with in this world. Parents, children, siblings, extended families, neighbors, friends, classmates, co-workers, the environment, and nature. etc. We have been taught not to pay attention to our relationship with ourselves, our deeper selves, for if we did we would not be able to be controlled, manipulated, lied to, nor intimidated. Most people think they pay attention to themselves, but what they are really doing is paying attention to what everyone else tells them is right and wrong and then saying what the other says is what they are. When we begin to relate to ourselves on our own terms, we begin to get in touch with deeper feelings about who we are and what we desire. We begin to become aware of a far greater being than we ever thought we were. How can anyone go through life being what others expect them to be and still be authentic? We don't think to much about that one, but the fact is in being what everyone else expects us to be, "we," never come into being. Instead we wear the face of a thousand masks...

Where did all these ideas about right and wrong come from? Who decided what was acceptable and what wasn't? After several decades of frustration from trying to be like everyone else, I began to look at what was bothering me, what didn't feel right. As I began to dig away at the walls of do's and don'ts, I started finding other ways of being in the world. I discovered other people and cultures doing things differently and this was a breath of fresh air. I became acquainted with others, thinking about different ways of being just like I was. I spent lots of time researching and reading about the various  ways of being in relationships and expressing them. I talked with friends and acquaintances about their different relationships. This brought a great deal of conflict into my life, for over time I became aware of how I was living a lie based on doing what was expected of me in order to get approval. Finally I could no longer hold this truth at bay within myself. I could no longer live a lie. 

Once I became aware of this truth within me, it was not possible to lie anymore. It was then that I began the long arduous journey to reclaim who I was and to express it in the world. I began to find out for myself by learning first hand, instead of listening to everyone around me telling me what I should be. In my early years I explored my same sex attractions, but that didn't get very far with a society that forced and condoned only opposite sex attractions. Needless to say, I stuffed those away for some time and dated every once in awhile , but it was not what I was looking for. Because of the early trauma of being ostracized, I shut down and for years pretended like I was interested only in woman. In my thirties I finally began to look at these feelings after falling flat on my face over some issues. It took me several years of doing body and mind healing for me to begin to slowly explore same sex attractions. I was amazed at how much I assumed by what others told me and by what I read. 

I found out that my heart could love both women and men, and that my being could make the choice, yes choice, to love who I wished to love in any given moment. I have come to realize that the labels we use in our culture are like boxes in which certain individuals get to decide for others which ones are "good" and "bad." This sort of fear mongering goes on as long as individuals by into the fear of not being good enough. This is why we live in such a dysfunctional culture, all the while pretending it is functional. Our culture is so far away from unconditional love that its not even funny, its sick. If someone could wave a magic wand and remove the illusions we all buy into there would be a mass vomiting that would go on for some time. Labels are for those who need them to feel justified in judging others and in boxing others and in making themselves feel safe in their own mind (ego). What does it matter who you love? Who decides what the appropriate age is and age difference for love? Who cares?

I've decided that tradition is not for me. I am not interested in pleasing others so they can be comfortable in their narrow secure views of being (really its insecure). For that is what it comes down too. Someone becomes uncomfortable with their own feelings within themselves when they see someone doing something they are desiring to do. They have run up against their own guilt and shame about who they should be based on another's judgments. Rather than own the feeling and explore it, their ego judges the feeling, they become afraid of the feeling, and quite often stuff the feeling. Then they begin a crusade to stop others from doing what they desire to avoid the paradox within themselves. People like this go out and kill others, or create laws against it, or beat someone up, or create complex traditions that come with a price tag if you don't conform. They create laws making what they are comfortable with acceptable and rewarded, while the others aren't. When one begins to suppress the inner self, incredible psychological distortions begin to form to maintain the illusion. If one continues to suppress the desire, which makes the desire stronger, then they have to work twice as hard to suppress it. Kind of funny when you stop and think about it. But then that's been the problem all along. We don't think at all about the issue, the real issue, which is to face the truth, accept who we are and be the unique one of a kind human being that you were born to be. 

Most are brainwashed by cultural software. Yet there are still countless many who truly believe they are authentic. In order for the lie to be true one has to believe in it. When the ego is in charge, one can believe anything. one can see this in the countless wars, racism, sexism, child abuse, sexual abuse, slavery, environmental destruction, etc. The key as to whether or not one is in ego or heart is whether you can allow another to be as they desire to be. Love is not judgmental, manipulative, intimidating, coercive, deceitful, or agenda oriented. I'm not talking about letting someone kill someone or rob others. I am talking about allowing another to do whatever they feel moved to be, as long as it does no harm to others. Here are some really amazing short pieces by Peter Russell entitled "Love" and "Blind love".

 

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Updated: 12/01/2014