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April 2007



4-02-07 -


I saw the new movie "The Last Mimzy" this afternoon. What an incredible movie in regards to the potential of children, touching on the subtleties of having to watch what they say and do around adults, wanting their privacy and often not getting it, being told what to do, and having to go to school and going through that imprisonment and all that goes with it. While these things aren't so obvious, nor is it what the story was about per say, I could see it, since I am aware of this. While the movie is based around some high tech from the future, it still requires very adept and conscious children to be open minded enough to see it for what it is and to engage it and be creative with it.


You have to see it to appreciate what I am talking about. It touches on a lot of things that aren't mainstream. Oddly enough, Roger Waters of Pink Floyd wrote a song for the movie that ties in some of his other songs from Pink Floyd days, and it was such an incredible song to hear as the movie ended and then scrolled through the credits. There was the  line from his The Wall album, "Is there anybody in there," that grabbed my attention, and for me this touched on how I see most people who are disconnected in the world, with their facades, masks, and walls preventing the authentic self from radiating out; is there anybody in there, or is there anybody authentic beyond the facades, masks, and amazing song.


It's hard to put into words and its been almost three hours since I saw the movie, and I am still in a very deep meditative state, a stillness that takes my breath away literally. There is something wanting to present itself and I am making space to allow that. I am sure tonight's dream journeying will lead to some necessary shifts. This has been happening a lot these last few weeks. It just seems to keep ratcheting up the expansiveness of consciousness within.


 I was deeply touched at different times throughout the movie, as realizations washed over me, so I was in a very quiet, reflective space. After the movie was over, I was sort of in a deep space, reflecting on what had transpired for me. As I walked out through the mall, I suddenly saw things differently, could see the challenges of those who don't know that they don't know they are asleep, acting totally for the most part from their cultural software programs. I got outside and approached the bus stop and spotted this young child sitting and asking the father for some gum. The child's hair was very short with pierced ears with spherical studs. I couldn't tell if the child was male or female, and I guess as I bring this up, it touches on this whole gender stereotypical thinking we have been taught, in terms of identifying, classifying, and judging who a person is and ultimately should be.


How absurd this is, since beyond the body is a soul, that most have never seen, nor even conversed with, and they are so brainwashed into believing what others tell them is truth about spirit. Needless to say, I just observed and at some point I realized the child was female, but she was just so incredibly alive and present. She sat there, angelic, and totally herself as authentic as can be. I listened to her ask her father to let her open up the gum wrapper, which he wound up doing himself, and she was a bit upset about this. Do we do this to our friends or our partners? No! There is a control dynamic that goes on between adult and child that becomes more expansive as the child wants to become more autonomous. When she got upset and told him off, he wound up scolding her. Again, that power thing over a smaller person or weaker person (physically) .


I decided to go sit down on the bench next to her to bring my  positive energy into the dynamics to shift the father's negative energies. Ironically he was a smoker and was smoking during this. I sat down and was going through my back pack to get my wallet out. I had this strong sense that I was being watched by her. Given that most people get sort of upset if you talk to their children, I didn't really engage her, but then I felt her touching the side of my coat. I looked over and she was looking right at me as if she could see right through me. I know she could see who I was as a spirit. So, I said hello to her and we spoke a little, her asking my name. At this point her father got involved and I decided to push the usual limits, after he began to tell his daughter to tell her name, and to ask the other woman there her name and then to tell her age.


I think parents have this innate discomfort of these powerful beings, there stillness, their incredible brilliance, and they have to start training them to be like they are in order to feel comfortable in their own self made prison. And you know, most don't even know they are imprisoned. It has been going on for so long that they don't see their limitations, only seeing the limitations as the borders of where they are allowed to engage life. All of us talked a bit until the bus came. I said good bye to everyone and waved to the young child named Juniper.


People have no clue about what it is like being a child. We don't question our own childhood because it is so deeply buried. If we were to spend some time going back and investigating, we would uncover some significant realizations; namely that we were conscious. During the Fall, while doing journeying, my guides were directing me with very specific tasks meant to uncover long lost awareness. One of the first things they had me do was to go back and look at all the earliest memories I have on up to the present. I was told to take who I am now and to put myself into those memories as if that was who I was all along. I did this for about four hours the first time and was hit with this tremendous realization that I was conscious.


What I am saying here is as adults when someone punches us or frightens us or manipulates us or shames us or ostracizes us, we know what that feels like. It is not an event exclusively for adults alone. When I was dragged into the store room by my kindergarten teacher for not stopping my play, and smacked repeatedly on my buttocks, I felt the same way at sixteen, when my father made me lay over his knees and began beating my buttocks with his hands. There is no difference in age when this occurs. We have been made to think that children are lesser than human because they aren't adults. It is amazing how parents who hit children, then have the audacity to tell them to stop crying or they'll give them something to cry about. This is what we are unconscious about, this dysfunction that delineates a child as unimportant and needing discipline, correction, and proper education to form them.


Think of your time growing up in school and the bullies or the special in crowds, the humiliation, the name calling, being picked on, being ostracized. Recall having to sit day after day for hours, having to ask for permission to go to the bathroom, to eat, to talk. Imagine being your adult self in that small body during those times and suddenly you know longer have the right to do anything. What you watch on TV, what you want to read, where you want to go, what clothes you would like to have, what you want to eat out, the list is endless. But, as you go through all these aspects of your growing up years, you begin to realize how stifling, traumatizing, damaging, and limiting it was. These sensitive spiritual beings came here to assist us and look what was done to them, look what is done to them. Males come into the world and are usually circumcised with no pain killers, and strapped down to a board, while some unconscious being takes a metal cap and inserts it over the head of the child's penis, then lays the foreskin over the cap and proceeds to slice off this very sensitive skin that has lots of nerve endings in it.


Imagine having that done as an adult, being strapped down and having no choice what so ever. The reasons given for circumcision have no validity other than to break down a child's consciousness so that it becomes obedient and docile. Breaking the child's will is what most of religion has been about and somewhere along the line, there were those who knew about this and perpetuated this as some right of passage. The only right of passage it fulfills is to break the will of the child. The same goes for those young females who are held down by supposed loved one's and have their clitoris gouged out. Both of these acts are sado-masochistic actions. There is no unconditional love involved in this. This idea of needing to mark a male child as a particular religion or to ensure a female child is kept a virgin for a male later on is much like what cowboys do to steer and horses, burning their mark into them to show who owns them.


There is an incredible amount of realizations to be had for going back and looking over even the smallest aspects of your growing up years, because then you begin to see how this affected your adult years as well. To say that this is sobering is an understatement. I think I was in shock for quite awhile as I began to wade through the years, the experiences, the situations I found myself in with no other recourse. There are many who "think" that going into the past is a waste of time, but I can assure you that is the ego mechanism making sure you don't go there. It knows if you do that its gig is up. Setting aside an hour or two regularly to do this can be of great value. You begin to realize that as children we were quite aware. One begins to see that young children know how to love better than most adults do. They are also totally aware of sexual feelings and acting on them until adults shut that down, usually with pain and punishment, along with a big dose of shame and guilt. It's no wonder adults are neurotic and repressed about the full spectrum of their sexuality; and by sexuality I include both homosexual and heterosexual desire.


There is no such thing as a heterosexual or homosexual, because the terms didn't exist until the 1800's. No one can be a desire, they can only experience it, and having one's sexuality restricted, most assuredly affects who we express ourselves as. It's no wonder we have such a homophobic society that expends considerable time, money, and energy policing everyone else's sexual preferences. Imagine being whomever you wish to express yourself sexually as a spiritual being from within and being forced into one way only. And for those who profess to be heterosexual, I would ask you to imagine what it would be like for you to suddenly be forced to focus only on homosexual desire, when in fact you were wanting heterosexual desire. This idea that soul/spirit is the same as our gender is a misnomer; there is no basis or facts that substantiate this as true. In fact, humans have made spirit into their own image, which has caused more problems than this writing can even begin to touch on.


As children, rules are enforced about crying, feelings, emotions, intuition, sensitivity, boundaries or lack thereof, and a host of other dominating mindsets. We are forced into obedience about what truths are acceptable, what the cultural biases/rules are, and a host of other political, religious, and economic rules meant to bind a child into ignorance to ensure their blind obedience as adults. It is well known that if you can do this when a child is young, they can be programmed to think and act in approved culturally sanctioned ways. It is also known that if you can stifle teen rebellion, then one can be assured that they will succumb to the cultural programming with little questioning and for the most part complete obedience in general. This information has been around for awhile. But, most will dismiss it as ridiculous or not in alignment with their belief systems. And guess what, they are correct in that mindset, because that is what they were taught to do, dismiss anything that would call into question what they were forced to obey as children and teens. In effect, children grow up being policed and in turn as adults they begin to self-police themselves. Getting back to our authentic self can be quite the challenge, but the rewards are greater than you could imagine, for without your authenticity, you are nothing more than a facade, mask, wall. We are like an actor who has forgotten they took on a role to survive as a child and are still playing that role.


We are headed towards a huge shift in consciousness and this sabotaging and uprooting of the child is going to alter the very mindscape of our existence. Imagine a child/soul incarnating on this planet and being able to unfold into what the soul has in mind versus the darkness of ego driven adults. These children are not blank slates, nor do they need to be trained by us. They are souls with a vastness to them that I believe truly frightens most adults, otherwise, why would they need to control them so much. These children are not dogs or animals to be owned, controlled, leashed, or locked up in a pen, backyard, or in schools that dumb them down into submission. They are souls and are so incredibly powerful that if you were to begin to understand the implications, it would reduce one to a bumbling idiot. There is a war going on against higher consciousness and it has been going on for a long time and fortunately it is coming to an end shortly. We have this idea that has been enculturated into us that we live only this life and if we don't follow the rules we're damned for eternity in hell. If you look around you will notice we are already living in hell; shame, guilt, fear, anger, hatred, violence... We have been lied to about soul and spirit. We are eternal beings at our core; every single one of us. The only Armageddon going on is the one inside our minds between the light and dark. There is where hell exists, when we deny the powerful light we are.


As children we were not big enough to follow the light within and were forced on a daily basis to focus on the external world. We systematically had our attention drawn away from the inner to focus exclusively on the external world, which over time caused us to forget the inner dimensions of spirit. We were meant to exist in both realms simultaneously, but we came from the spiritual realm, so this is our main platform of existence. It's not that the left brain or linear process is invalid, its just not better than or greater than our spiritual half. Those who say this takes us back to the times of the Church dominating over the State, are erroneous in their thinking, because even back during those times, it was nothing more than the same thing today; ego domination. The Church, that is to say those who held the reigns of power then, were not interested in Spirit, nor were they interested in higher states of consciousness, nor were they interested in unconditional love, compassion, or caring for their fellow human kind. While it is true that further down the chain of command there were those who cared, they were too often brain washed into limited belief systems that distorted their mindsets.


An example of this would be those who treated their slaves decently. How absurd, because slavery has nothing to do with spirit, only human's ego. The poor and down trodden were nothing more than cash cows. When you begin to look beyond the dogma and look at the actions of those at the top, you begin to see the insanity of those who profess to know best for us about spiritual matters. The only person who knows what is best for each person, is that authentic being that lies deep within our being. The Church is like a plague that feeds off the unsuspecting, much like a virus does off a host. Those who exist at the top and those who are ignorant enough to obediently preaching the Church's dogmatic dysfunction, are criminals at best. To deny spirit and teach others to find spirit in some external space is the greatest lie perpetuated upon human kind. If anyone is evil, it is those who preach this lie, it is those who feed off the unsuspecting, it is those who use shame, guilt, and fear to imprison humans, that are the damned.




4-16-07 -


The other day I was resting, and this realization arose in my consciousness, that as a children, most of us knew our parents were insane; meaning they were dysfunctional, of which I consider a form of insanity, of which I consider most of the world's cultures. This is not something my family alone bears. Dysfunction in the form of insanity has been pulsing through generations going back to the fall of human kind. And I don't consider the Bible an accurate account of what this fall was about. At best the "good book" is a metaphorical paradox of a journey into inner areas so far lost to human kind that in a large part has caused this dysfunction, this schism in our psyches both collectively as well as individually.


This realization opened up within me to understand that my parents were just as shut down then as they are now. Coming here as a soul, we were conscious of the fact that they were disconnected and we loved them unconditionally. The ramifications of what unconditional love is far removed from the level of our consciousness, that most have no idea what that means, let alone what it feels like. I awoke in a lucid dream recently of a memory of when I was two and awoke to the remembrance of why I came to this plane of existence and the remembrance of this and the feeling of it was so powerful that all I could do was lay there and sob. The willingness to come here, to shut down one's consciousness in order to serve an insane society crippled by dysfunction/trauma. While this seems absurd, I can assure you it is not. Look around at the young and notice how they are.


They are not crippled and living in boxes like most of us are. They love unconditionally, which means they do not judge at all. Even when you begin to traumatize them, they still come back to love you, time and time again. It takes a lot to break a child's will, just like it does an animals. And even then they still come back, because it is the deepest essence of our being to love unconditionally. This is not to say that it is pleasant; it is not at all. As each year progresses, we are forced more and more into taking on the cultural software of how we are supposed to be based on external rules. We are forced to stop listening to our inner guidance, our inner connection to higher self/spirit/source. At best we retain a minuscule amount of a connection to source, for if we didn't we would not still exist here on this plane. When we try to act on our inner guidance we are stopped physically time and time again, trained just like animals are to obey the masters, until we are broken in just as animals are. Our natural will is broken and then retrained to obey the external rules.


There is more to this, since children are small, they are helpless in the sense of not having cultural knowledge of how to acquire food, shelter, clothing, and protection. From this dependency arises the necessity to obey in order to get our basic needs met. There is rarely no choice in this. Children learn to do what is necessary to protect themselves. They begin to acquire the mask, facades, and walls that are part of their particular cultural software/dysfunction. Think of cultural software as survival software for all humans on planet Earth, of which we are all hardwired for. After considerable time and repetition of behaviors we learn to do what is expected by habit, which then form our beliefs. Doing what is expected thus becomes our being. We do not question anymore because we have no choice, since limited belief systems are closed systems, the paradigm keeps out any other information, facts, experiences that would call into question what is believed. Thus we have an entire planet of mostly unconscious people going about doing things without even questioning it, with a select few having some awareness of what is going on and using it to hold control over others to dominate and live off of them in.


Part of this process is delusion and denial, where we feign that our parents and other adults around us care about us. In affect we have taken on the delusion that we are the problem and they are right, that if we can just be more like them, then we will be good enough. And, to make matters worse, we have stopped looking internally, with a sign at its borders that says, "keep out." In 1999 I was doing some journeying and stumbled upon an inner image of a space where such a sign was erected. At the time I had no idea what the hell that meant, and it has taken all this time for me to finally get it this past year. The ramifications of this are immense and require a gentleness with oneself in terms of coming to terms with this and finding ones way back to reclaiming the forbidden land. I am reminded of the "forbidden city" in China, and perhaps there is more to that than a mere physical place.


Wholeness resides in this place and part of dysfunction is to detain and stop others from entering this territory. In effect, there is a war on consciousness that has been going on for many centuries, of which the dark oversees. It is funny to watch dysfunctional people work diligently to stop others from being functional. This is called peer pressure and is a very powerful force and energy, of which includes the first two chakras in our body. More can be read about this in Caroline Myss's book, "Anatomy Of Spirit."


There is this fantasy we have all created that in the early days everything was "wonderful." Our current fantasy has been that everything in the world is wonderful and that the other over there who isn't like us is the problem. Oddly enough, when one begins to learn about culture via cultural anthropology classes, books, direct experiences, then one begins to realize that others see things differently as well. The irony or blindness of this is most see the other as "wrong," when in fact it is just different. Given that most cultures come from different geographical locations impinged upon by weather, climates, resources, then one has to come to the awareness that others in those places will have gone about figuring out works best for them as they evolved, much as we have evolved.


We must also understand that we so called Americans are mixed bunch of humans who have migrated to the U.S. over a period of time, coming from different regions, bringing different ways of being. With this co-migration, came a lot of clashing of wills over "the right way," of doing things. Each group had/has their own self/group-created cultural software that basically runs their way of being. This software runs unconscious in all of us. We are for the most part unconscious of this effect on our consciousness, which means we don't know that we don't know. Dysfunction is part of this process; we don't know that we don't. When you watch people doing all the terrible things they do to others, you have to understand they are totally unconscious to what they are doing. Authentic self is not in charge and has not been for some time.


Human beings do not become dysfunctional over night. This process occurs over time and in increments and is a slow process of impinging one's will upon another will. In this case it begins in childhood, where we have no say, no rights, and no one to protect us from the onslaught of dysfunction. At first children are left alone to play so to speak, but then they begin to reach the age of wanting to be autonomous and it is here that the dysfunction begins to mold the child into what the parents dysfunction or cultural software dictates. Dysfunction arises from trauma and most all trauma arises from childhood at the hands of adults.




4-17-07 -


"Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

        - James Baldwin


I had some walls get toppled today, unblocking feelings that went back to my early days. There's this idea that all we have to do is take a pill and everything is fine. The process doesn't work that way. It takes a lot of time, effort, and energy to block away feelings, emotions, and awareness. It's like a work of art that takes years and decades, and there are times when some traumatic event can cause a cave-in that takes a long time to dig from. Just when I think I have gotten to a place where the sailing will be clear and sunny permanently, it suddenly blows into a hurricane or stormy weather. I got hit with something in dream time, and maybe it was just a metaphor or perhaps not. I was nauseous for two days, feeling like I was going to vomit, and all I could do was sleep. On the third day, it began to lessen a lot, and talking to my friend Janet helped me to realize some things, one of them pertaining to what I wrote about yesterday, of which I need to post a piece from a book that alludes to what I was talking about, of which I found after writing the 4/16 post.


My Conversation with Janet really opened me up to levels I have been on with journeying. Today, I still felt that way, but suddenly the energetic blocks I had been feeling from the heart down to the root chakra were beginning to flow, but there was something else going on. I kept sitting with it, but had no words for it. I was reading a fiction story where the characters were similar to people I used to know that triggered feelings and emotions within myself. In the afternoon, the Sun came out, and I grabbed my camera and decided to get out and go for a walk to see if I could understand what was coming up.


I found myself avoiding looking at people, in fact, I found myself annoyed with them, of not wanting anything to do with them. I'd had this happen in San Francisco one day, after getting dirty looks from passerby's, from listening to an inner voice that told me to give $20 to a homeless elder woman sleeping inside the doorway at Nordstrom's. (Paper I Wrote)


I am opening up to new levels of feeling how shut down everyone is, how unfriendly, cold, aloof, angry, hateful, and it is difficult feeling all that negative energy. I am having to learn how to open up my heart chakra more, and let go so as to allow more of the higher energies flow through. In doing this, then one moves into higher energies of compassion; easier said than done. I felt like I was hit by a Tsunami wave today after I got back from my walk. I felt detached, as if I was floating somewhere else observing and yet I was sitting in my chair looking out the window for a long time. Overwhelmed would be a good word here, just too much realizations and the awareness of it just sort of shut me down to a level I could accommodate. I was there for an hour or two at least, then made myself get up and go out to get something to eat. My dinner companions were the drug addicts/alcoholics outside my window who exist in their own little world, with no authentic soul shining through at all; empty shells so to speak. It's a sobering thing to watch and I guess that is why the many don't. They don't want to know, because they don't want to look inside themselves at their own pain and suffering.


So, here I am reading this story some more and if it doesn't trigger some more feelings and emotions, and am I ever upset, a veritable roller coaster ride of emotions. The story gets to a part where two best friends come together, after one comes looking for him, because the other disappeared. I'm noticing that I'm really upset about this and knowing it is a lot more than I should be for this story. And it dawns on me that this is about a friend I had, a best friend, who just upped and walked out of my life, because he couldn't handle the truth, nor handle the peer pressure of so called friends and parents. And suddenly, I'm realizing I'd gone numb back then, and just shut all my feelings and emotions down. I've been working on them over the last seven years, but these were the core one's, the one's that I'd protected, that were the one's that cared about this person. I had to sit with them for awhile. And at the same time, I realized the same thing applied to my ignorant father, who I'd loved as a child, but which became exceedingly difficult to do as the years went on, from behaviors that were anything but unconditional. How is it that so many just walk away, or walk out, or end something, just because they are uncomfortable? Who said being vulnerable was easy? Especially so in a culture that is so out of touch with reality, so insane, so dysfunctional, so void of emotions and feelings. There is no way we are going to get back to our early enlightened state by avoiding the problems.


There are no shortcuts, no quick cure pills, no easy way out, no getting someone else to do our work for us. And while this may seem harsh and or unbearable to do, it is even worse to begin to realize how barren we have been living a lie; how difficult it has been maintaining the illusion, avoiding the truth, avoiding anyone who might remind us of the lie we live. That is far more unbearable once you have realized it, made the awareness of it conscious and then there is no more choice to make, it becomes this obsession so to speak to get to the heart of the matter, to be able to let go completely of the burden. And there is the joy, and bliss, and ecstasy that begin to return to ones conscious self, and you begin to see with new eyes. And it's worth every penny to get there. And here's another and, and I have to face more of my feelings at the sorrow of my loss. But loss is part of the journey and understanding why the loss occurred and where it takes you is of value, though it may not seem like it at the time, and there is most definitely anger, resentment, animosity, but there is more to it than just those fickle things, something much more profound that they distract us from knowing and feeling; that is the gift. And my writing about what the gift is cannot be written in words, cannot be adequately expressed intellectually and there in lies the rub with ego and that is why it is buried and how it got buried. Having the direct experience will tell you, will show you, will make you understand how absurd, how ridiculous the whole ego thing is, how pathetic, how empty it truly is.


I had this friend and I felt a great deal for this friend and he is gone. and from that loss, I learned a great deal about myself that I hadn't realized before, could not know until I had a loss comparable to the loss of my father a long time ago. And how ironic I chose someone who was so much like him in a lot of ways, and this is/was true of other friends I had/have, of which much has changed and remains unresolved. And my resolve to continue on to higher ground is not going to stop because it gets painful or uncomfortable or that I might lose something, because the only thing worth having is ones true authentic self, which also offers an even greater gift of reconnecting us to spirit. And I will tell you, this inner connection can be felt like an opening in the chest, as an energetic portal opening where one feels the presence of spirit, and it is a homecoming, a realization that this is why we have felt empty for so long, and it most assuredly brings sobs as you suddenly realize the feelings of having lost this long ago.


And I can see why I was tired and slept for two solid days, because it has been exhausting suppressing those feelings at bay. And now I am free to feel them and let them go, able to move forward and find other authentic people who are willing to stay and be with their own feelings and emotions and who are willing to face their own demons and live authentically. There is no more going back and living the past into the future. The past has no value now that I am completely conscious of old patterns, beliefs, and limitations. They are totally worthless, as are the reasons for them in the first place. Those reasons served a purpose as a child, but as an adult they were killing me and that is why so many people are miserable walking zombies, who are unfriendly, angry, cold, aloof, etc...




4-18-07 -


8:30am - I woke up in the middle of the night with this huge realization, of finally understanding on a visceral level, a feeling level, and emotional level, that I was traumatized as a child. I've known this, just as I know the whole world is this way. I was able to see that my trauma kept being re-enacted by attracting people like my parents and other significant adults who contributed to my traumatization. Becoming aware of this beyond an intellectual level and getting right to the feelings cleared me of this. Emotions are important to go through, but if we cannot get to the feeling, then we are not free to move forward. What I felt last night and say this morning was complete understanding experientially. I can see why I kept being drawn to certain people, and why I kept wanting to try and make it work or get them to see, because this is what I kept trying to do as a child. Again, I've known this, but knowing and feeling it are two vastly different things. I feel free now, to move on and to completely let go of those who are acting out their own traumatization. I haven't physically been around those types of people, but the mental/emotional impulses have been there at times and now they are gone. My analogy in past writings has used Velcro as a metaphor, where one seeks out the energetic match to ones Velcro to find one that will stick. In the past years, I've noticed those types don't come around anymore, of which I have been pleased about, and now I can see that the final piece of the Velcro is gone. Check out the link for Velcro to see pictures of how it works and you can begin to get an idea of what occurs with human interactions at all levels.


I can see the move towards completion or freedom had to do with finally giving my closed-minded homophobic conservative Christian father the boot awhile back. And I have let go of friends who are caught up in their own enactment of their childhood trauma with their spouses or others. I think one of the reasons why we often put up with this sort of enactment and put up with fitting in or getting others approval, stems from not having any freedom to leave those dysfunctional dynamics as children and we had to submit to the dysfunctional behaviors or face physical, mental, emotional, and or sexual abuse; not to mention of which all four are spiritual abuse. And we grew up with this pattern "thinking" it was normal and so put up with dysfunction just as we did in our early years. I would highly suggest reading "Finding Balance: 12 priorities for interdependent and joyful living," which used copies can be found on Amazon and other places that sell used books. The authors also have two other new books too.


Ironically, when we are stuck in trauma, we are not free to act authentically. The delusion we've created from the trauma is so unconscious, that we truly believe we are in loving relationships, because our higher self in some sense, split off in order to allow the other half to go unconscious, in order to pretend that the dysfunction we were enmeshed in was "wonderful," when in fact it was not. The degrees to how bad this can become is obvious if you look around you and pay attention to what is going on in the world. I know of people who continually stay in unfulfilling relationships of all sorts. A person begins to realize that the world is as it is because the vast majority are asleep, unconscious, and acting out. Once you get clear that you aren't in the land of OZ anymore, you are free to co-create authentically with others. You see clearly instead of through trauma filters. It's a sobering process to realize you have been attracting unavailable, cold, aloof, manipulative, conniving, conditional loving, controlling people into your life. And as ridiculous as this seems, the truth of the matter is "we don't know that we don't know." This is what unconscious behavior is about, of what acting out is about, of what dysfunction and trauma are about. Letting go and getting conscious of what is not working and focusing on self instead of the other will set you free. The freaking out, the agony of leaving, all of the reactions against the other is all about our original dynamics with our parents and early interactions with significant adult caretakers as children.


This process the last few days has had my body twisting and coiling, as if trying to shake off some invisible "thing" that is clinging to me. I suspect that it is a negative energy that has been like a wet blanket on our energy fields, and is the natural reaction to ridding the body of it. It is interesting to note in Qi-gong, one is taught to brush excess energy off the arms and torso and when finishing a particular exercise, to shake the arms, hands, and legs. I suspect that we can disperse negative energies as well. I've sent an email to an body worker I am acquainted with who teaches Qi-gong to see what he has to say about this. I also believe that when we are unconscious of our wounding or the full implications of them, we are susceptible to the psychic energetic invasiveness of those who in our circle of familiarity. So, this is another reason to move forwards into exploratory work.


On a similar note, I received some emails last night from a new friend around my age who is involved with men's groups that do healing work around dysfunction. Ironically, he is going through a similar experience, as well as others he knows. I believe this is part of the hundredth monkey phenomena, where may perceive to see ourselves as separate, when in fact there are deeper aspects that are not separate. Via these channels, one can be suppressed energetically or unsuppressed. I think group dynamics are not just physical, but involve the full gamut of feelings, emotions, thoughts, both sexual and non-sexual and are all entwined within the spiritual, creative, sexual energies of the Universe. As more people become aware and do their healing work, it begins to open up the blocks, sort of like a log jam in a river. If you think this sort of work is ridiculous, then I would suggest telling that to the small children you see every day who are jerked around or hit or screamed at or shamed or punished for being authentic. Tell that to them while they are sobbing, frightened, hysterical, and hurting. Tell that to the teenager who has given up trying because no matter what she or he did, it was never enough to please the parents.


The problems don't go away and the trauma re-enacts itself one way or the other with or without your approval. One can pretend, but not for long. I have witnessed people I know go through some really unbearable stuff and they are so not even aware that they are at the whim of their ego's dysfunctional dance. You are never free while living up to others expectations. Nor are you ever free by running away, because the legacy of our shared trauma goes wherever we go. In some ways, it is a function of beauty created by spirit, because we are guaranteed to have to face ourselves; no way around it. The light at the end of the tunnel is an incredible gift of returning to what we were when we first came to this planet; our original state of grace; original blessing.


It's like my inner lights dimmer switch just got turned up quite a bit. I feel freer and lighter, relieved of a burden that was never mine to carry in the first place, not just of my own family stuff, but of others I was once involved with. I'm not responsible for their actions or lack of them. Our only response-ability is to act with integrity in every moment. We may not be able to express it all verbally, but we can do it in our actions. Saying no by walking away from abusive, uncaring, manipulative, coercive, violent, hateful, racist, sexist, homophobic people. What we walk away from is their fear, for that is what those are rooted in. We walk into our own self-love by putting an end to judging ourselves based on what others tell us we should be. As long as we are not hurting another, then we are obligated under spiritual law to act accordingly to unconditional love, and unconditional love does not listen to external sources of traditional fear based cultural rules.


Unconditional love embraces the action of being true to oneself above all else. Those who profess to be loving, who then go out and lie, cheat, steal, start wars, shame others, use guilt to control people, who despise those who don't act according to their rules or expectations, are not coming from a place of unconditional love. Unconditional love is not an intellectual concept, it is not something one thinks about or spews out in words or concepts or scientific studies, or experiments. It is not something one demands of another or forces onto someone. It is not taught in schools nor can one get a degree in it. The act of unconditional love is allowing ones heart center to be open, uninhibited in the compassionate expression of the higher vibrations of energy that we have experienced at one time or another, and perhaps there are some who have had almost none of it. If one cannot find people who can express this, then one can find it Nature, but this too can be hard to find or experience if one lives in a city void of green areas.


Children experience this all the time until they begin to get shut down. You can see it on their faces and in their being. It ripples out from them effortlessly. This is what we are returning too, for we are all like children within. Be gentle with yourself and begin to notice:







Awareness is the ticket out of the unconsciousness of habits that require no thoughtful evaluations. A conscious person notices what is going on internally, so as to ensure they are in alignment to their highest potential of being. This concept is not absurd, not for the few, nor does it take forever or for generations to come about. I have had people tell me I am a dreamer, to get real, it will take a long time. Those people are slaves to their egos, and it is their egos that are speaking. The truth of the matter comes to this; seeing is believing. Look at the children, for they are already there. Notice how often they are content, joyful, and bliss. They care little about what others think of them, which is why they sing and dance, and prance about. They are not imprisoned yet, because their inner connection is intact. And this is why they are abused in one form or another, in order to break their inner will.


One has to wonder at the groups of people out there who make it their business to break the wills of children and people. And one has to wonder about those organizations that horde money, who continue to refuse to educate the masses, and who continue to fuel the idea of fear, shame, guilt, and original sin. This is where the darkness lies. These institutions are not of light and love, nor have they ever been. Have you ever given thought as to how someone figured out how to break the wills of the children? What sort of being would do such a thing? Why would organized religion do such a thing? And why would they continue to support this, when the evidence against them is overwhelming? It is the turning away from the light. It is the systematic embracing of the dark, a desire for the material plane, about the immaterial plane. This is not to say material goods are bad, but instead, we must first be in alignment with the inner planes of our consciousness, to then step into the world to enjoy Eden. I do believe this planet is a gift from the divine, sort of a vacation away from Eternity, but it was never meant to enslave and create ongoing violence and fear.


One can block the light out, sort of like the clouds covering up the Sun, but you can never extinguish the light. No matter how hard one tries, you cannot kill the divine. If you think this is so, then I would direct you to observe Nature. No matter how much violence is done to Nature, rejuvenates itself over and over again. Nature has been doing this for Eternity and will continue to do it for Eternity. There is no end, only new beginnings. And the joy, bliss, and ecstasy are no match for the doom and gloom of the way the dark lives in quiet desperation, only to be consumed by unconditional love in the ongoing ritual return to the Eden's scattered all over the Universe; The Great Awakening...


Ride the wave! Be


I have been moving towards living my life more authentically and embracing more of how I used to be as a young boy, expressing my true essence. I spent a lot of years hiding it and I no longer care what others think anymore, because what they have is truly nothing. They can pretend for a long time, but not forever. Eventually they have to pay the price and by then, their life is about over, leaving little time to do what they came here to experience and create. As souls, we don't come here to create darkness, we came to create light, love, joy, bliss, ecstasy and the full flowing expression of the highest vibrations of love. You experienced this once before as a child, and if you felt it then, then you can get back to that state. If you think you can't, then get rid of thinking about it, because that is the block that is preventing you, that is distracting you; thinking isn't who you are; being is.


I've been meeting new people who are nice, who don't play games, who are authentic, who are non-judgmental, and you know, it is a breath of fresh air. The old ways are gone. It's time to move on to greener pastures. I can see where those places are now, and can see the types of people who are good for me, because I no longer make myself into what others want, which has allowed me to reclaim my authentic self. This has allowed me to find those qualities in others and be appreciative of them and move beyond the fear that prevented me from being with them.






4-18-07 - 


7:15pm - This is one powerful video that really touched me deeply. I lost it watching it, I got really upset over this. Maybe because of the recent shooting back east; maybe because of all those killed, maimed, and traumatized in Iraq and elsewhere in the world; maybe because of the dysfunctional warmongers who occupy our world governments and corporations; maybe because most are so out of touch, so isolated from others and themselves and spirit; maybe because more and more people are homeless; maybe because we continue to not care. Such a simple gesture and yet look how many avoid him. What is it going to take for people to finally wake up and let the masks, facades, and walls down? How many much more pain and suffering will it take before the light breaks through? How many more are going to die? How many more are going to be ostracized, broken, denied, ignored? It's a nice video if you're intellectualizing it. If you aren't shedding tears, then it hasn't touched you where you need to be touched the most.


Free Hugs Campaign Continued:

Free Hugs Campaign at

Free Help Campaign at




4-19-07 - I wrote this in response to a friend's email this morning about The Free Hugs Campaign video:


"Hey Jim,


 Good to hear from you as always. I watched this yesterday, just before I did my relocation astrology session, and I about broke down sobbing. I was wondering if I was going to be able to do the session. I think with all my awareness and being so open spiritually, and from all the bodywork I do and being sensitive, that it wasn't too difficult to feel how badly people need this sort of thing. Whew! I am opening up in the chest area/heart chakra in regards to feeling the full processes available here. My chest area has been up and running since yesterday.


 I'd gone to a job interview for a carpenter's position and it went well. But, right after the guy walked off, I suddenly noticed my heart chakra center was really upset, the feelings there were bothersome, almost like this job isn't going to work thing, or like something not good. This feeling stayed with me the rest of the afternoon and I actually felt sort of upset, a bit agitated, and a bit depressed per say. This went on into the evening time as well. This morning I awoke groggy and exhausted, with my chest area still quite active. I'm realizing as I write this that its open fully now and this is what that chakra opening experience was about a couple of months ago. This is how we are supposed to be, it is there to tell us what is going on, to tell us if we are in alignment with heart/spirit/self. This is big Jim, this is not even funny, not that I'm complaining, but it is something to be reckoned with in regards to moving away from ego and listening to what is not working. I know I have spoken about this before, but this upsetting to me, not in a bad way, but in being upset that I had to shut this down along time ago in order to survive. And I think I am upset that I have had to do a lot of things that went against my heart and my highest good in regards to my life, my career, my friends, and everything else I chose in life along the way. I didn't choose it because it served my highest good, I chose it because it served my parents and other adults I had to become subservient too. And I wound up learning to do this and it became habit. I have some grieving to do over this and I know there is anger there that I am going to have to peel away in order to get to the feelings underneath that will need to be felt fully in order to let them go, so as to free up the energy for me to move forward in my spiritual direction unimpeded.


 I called my friend Janet this morning to inquire about what was going on with my chest area yesterday and today, and realized from her that I just can't do this blue collar work anymore, that's its killing me. I about broke down talking to her about it, which made me realize that my heart is really not into it; not just from an intellectual perspective, but from a heart perspective of feeling it. Boy that was an intense realization, but also a relief as well. And I have to say that I have been struggling at times when I am trying to feel something out in my chest/heart chakra area and I don't get anything. But now it's on-line completely. I am extremely grateful and yet overwhelmed by it. The implications are upsetting because I can feel how far off I've been in regards to not following my heart. But, I am determined to get out of this mess in order to follow my heart. No wonder people shut down. Who would want to know they aren't in alignment with their heart and are only following the cultural software of others expectations. I don't think this area opens up until we can handle those kinds of feelings and are ready to grieve them, which is to say to feel them and let go of the energy blocks that prevent us from feeling the full flow of energetics behind the feelings.


 I've been stuck doing blue collar work all my life and being totally unhappy with doing it, of having to work with people who I have nothing in common with, especially in regards to spirituality, consciousness, being functional, and being in one's bliss and joy (huge breath). I have been suppressing my feelings in regards to following my bliss for a long time. No wonder I almost broke down and cried as I spoke with Janet. There is a connection to this with my parents and more so with my father. It is ironic that I was thinking about him last night, wondering how the hell he went through all those years constantly working his ass off at Kodak and then coming home and having to work his ass off for a wife who was never satisfied with what she had in regards to a small house, which she was always redecorating and of course my father had to create to please her, not to mention a large yard of which she was doing the same thing with and expecting him to be out there with her helping, so she could feel good about herself. God this is complicated, because its not like either of them were conscious of this stuff, because they were so both badly damaged and shut down; as if the rest of the neighbors were any better or the world for that matter (big breath). Everyone was struggling to overcome living impoverished lives. Our past generations came out of terrible times, the depression, WWI, WWII, Korean War, and not to mention all the dysfunction, the racism, sexism, homophobia, all the suppressed feelings. Shit, this isn't an intellectual understanding, there's all the feelings behind what that feels like, and knowing how all these people are feeling internally and yet not even conscious about it and I can see why. It's not like our house was spacious. Perhaps to small children it was, but there was no room for adults to get away from it all. You were right there front and center, with nowhere to go. How do you want something greater for yourself and yet live within the parameters of ignorance that you were taught as a child, of which you are now ignorant about, of which fuels your entire existence within limitations that literally stifle the spirit out of you. Fuck! And I am sure someone out there would be quick to tell me:


 "Now don't swear. We surely must be civilized about this, must think it through rationally, and spend a lot of time to make sure we approach this in a way that will minimize the impact and not slow down progress. Perhaps we can find a good book to read about it and make sensible changes that won't interfere and change things too much, because there's not enough time to stop doing everything to take care of this little matter..."


This is no little matter, this little matter is so big and so invisible, that it can no longer be contained, and it is coming out, and will be out in short order. I'm reminded of a journey back in 98' and was told that we were headed for a systems overload. At the time, I understood a tiny bit of what they were saying, but now I can see this, because I had to go through it to understand what they were talking about, and everyone else is going to have the same thing occur. This is not something ego can contain and it hasn't been containing it per say, because all one has to do is look around the world and see how much is leaking out all over the place creating chaos everywhere. This matter has been big for a long time and it just can't keep going on like this; it won't. Spirit won't be ignored anymore, it won't be patronized to fit into the good book or an intellectual morsel to chew on.


 As I look back on my childhood, the messages I got about work were you needed to work, work hard, and what your heart wants is irrelevant, and you obeyed whether you liked it or not. No wonder I always worked for people who were never satisfied, who were demanding, and who gave nothing in return for pouring my heart, my creative energies into their business. I have some anger coming up about this, which is fear, and under that are some feelings, of which I am feeling right now, and I know they are from the past because they are so intense and overblown for the current situation. I am going to have to go take another long walk today to allow space for these. I am understanding that trust is important here and that the Universe will support me in ways that I cannot fathom, but will just have to have faith in, meaning believing with all my heart (energetically) that it will be manifested, and that my job is to act on what is sent my way; reminds me of The Secret, where they say the How is the domain of the Universe and our job is to act, to not hesitate in the slightest bit. And this is not about beating my parents up, because they didn't know either, nor did their parents before them. I'm just pointing out that I am understanding where I got my messages, my beliefs, my walls, my masks, and my facades. I got them from the same place they got theirs from. We all have.


I have to go and take that walk now Jim. I have a lot of feelings to feel at the moment; as if I haven't had my share of them already, not to mention being made to feel others at times, like that guy down at Rialto Beach in September. Sheesh! I don't know what I am going to do about this carpenter's job I am supposed to start on Monday, but my heart is not in it and the feelings I got about it do not feel good at all. I am looking around at other possibilities too. I applied for a painter's position this morning and I may have to force myself to do this job, but I don't know if that is going to work. I'm going to have to feel my way through this one. There's no more doing the thinking about it, because that shit doesn't work for me anymore, nor is it going to work for others down the road here shortly."




I ran into an old classmate from Fairhaven College at the YMCA today. She was heading down to southern Oregon for a workshop in heart work. Our conversation covered what I've been writing about. As we stood there talking, I was looking into the nursery where the infants are watched over. I see these young ones regularly as I visit off and on at different times. There's this idea in Christian organizations that the adults/leaders need to teach these children about spirit, like some how they don't have their own connection!? If you watch the children, you can see they are already connected to the bliss, the joy, and they are connected in their intuitive knowing and how they express themselves in the world. God/Goddess is already within them, animating their being ness. I find it absurd that organized religion thinks infants need to be baptized and or circumcised or whatever ritual in order to bring some holiness to them, as if some how dysfunctional male authority figures somehow have the touch of grace/spirit in them that will bestow them the right to enter heaven or be blessed or saved? Children are already there, already experiencing the divine, and they don't need any assistance from shut down adults on how to operate within those parameters. I find it extremely short sighted that these organized religions seem to think they must ensure the children are saved by their religion; most assuredly children should be saved from the likes of ignorant people hell bent on snuffing out their spiritual light. I think it is totally a joke, given the children already have a direct connection to spirit and that spirit is not Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Islamic, or any other human made religious ideology based on some person's spiritual experience of long ago, as if spirit is some event long gone that we have to revere. How absurd...


The message that got lost from those individuals is each of us has this inner connection, and we must endeavor to nurture the inner processes to transform ourselves into the inner essence of the divine. While it can be a great time to sit in a room with a whole bunch of others and swap stories, what happens to experiencing your own direct experience with the divine? Is it ridiculous to wonder why most of these institutions aren't teaching you how to do this? Why aren't they showing you how to understand your own dreams, or now to do experiential work with the body and breath to move beyond the layers of conditioning that suppress the divine within? Why is there so much intellectualism around one particular book versus the incredible collection of knowledge and wisdom gathered from many who have had their own direct experiences and who show the way how to do this without fear, shame, guilt, and obedience? If this intellectualism is so effective, then why is the world continuing on its death March? It's not possible to think your way to spirit.


It occurred to me as I was walking around today, that one of the reasons why we are shut down sexually, find sex shameful or disgusting or needing to temper it or hide it or control it or judge it or whatever else we "think" we need to do with it, is because we are frightened of where it will take us. Granted there is some perversion of it, meaning a lessening of the true expression of sexual energies, but this perversion is not about a right or wrong desire, it is about an expression of sexual energies coupled with heart energies coming together with higher spiritual energies and either having a sexual-spiritual union with spirit alone or with one or more other open-minded and open-hearted human beings. But we don't do that for the most part because in order to make that full connection, one has to be in their own body and their cannot be any blocks in the energy centers, and therein lies the rub. We have been talked into our heads, ensuring the disconnection of the body and its lower chakra energy centers.


We have been so conditioned that we are shut down to the level where when we do orgasm, it is usually limited to the sexual organs themselves; second chakra usually. I am going to tell you that full body orgasms are possible and we are all hardwired for them. This is our gateway to spirit and it is healing in ways that most are totally clueless about. The experience is mind blowing in that the ego mind is moved out of the picture for space of time or no time to experience an ecstasy that is truly profound. I can see why people are obsessed with sex, because it gives them a taste, a bitter memory, of something not quite remembered from long ago, something they are trying to reclaim the best they can, given being shut down and unconscious. This is not something taught in Church at all, but it should be, given it is the gateway to the divine. Unfortunately, organized religion, even the open-minded ones, don't talk about this. And where are people supposed to find out about this if no one is talking about it? And if it ever got out to the masses that sex appropriately used could clear out the masks, facades, and walls with relative ease in short time.


The Church leaders sure knew what they were doing when the institutionalized fear, guilt, and shame. They knew in teaching it to the very young, that in short order they would begin policing their own behaviors better than the church authorities could. Makes you wonder what sort of people knew about this sort of mind, body, spirit connections in order to disconnect and make human beings shut down and off-line. This is not just some ordinary con job. This is something that delves into some really dark beings who have an agenda. Think about it. When human beings begin to access their feelings, and begin to purge the pent up emotional energies, then the energetic spiritual system begins to come on line. This is much like a dimmer switch on a light and its not as simple as it sounds. I've spent a lot of time reading, doing body work, breath work, energy work, and a host of other aspects getting clear of the blocks, and there's still more.


As I look around the world, I see a world frightened of experiencing spirit, of feeling the spirit, of dancing and expressing this spirit within themselves and letting it out into the world. As children we had the fear put into us by giants, or at least that was how they were to us as small children. And while we may have been embodied souls, there's not much comfort in that when you can knocked around or hurt in numerous ways that the adults have figured out and use quite effectively. It's rather ironic when we look about and no one makes eye contact out in the busy world, where the many walk around with masks, facades, and walls, ensuring they are protected, all the while avoiding anyone who looks suspicious or who is different, and yet we profess to be followers of Jesus or God or Goddess. How is that possible? Since Christianity is such a big draw for so many here in the US and having been baptized Presbyterian, not that I had a choice in the matter mind you, and having been distracted by Free Methodists for several years, but  I think it gives me the right to point out my observations about it.


Jesus wasn't Christian, nor did he support the sort of dysfunctional crud that permeates most Christian organizations and Christians in general. Jesus wasn't a hypocrite, didn't cheat or tell lies, nor did he torture others to get what he wanted, nor was he interested in accruing wealth at the expense of hurting or denying another. Jesus surely didn't judge nor did he care what you did or how you expressed it as long as it was in alignment with unconditional love. Jesus wasn't sexist, racist, nor was he interested in what anyone did in bed or with whom, as long as you were coming together in unconditional love to co-create love with the divine. Notice I didn't say procreate, because that is secondary to what the divine expects of us, for the ultimate response-ability is to embrace unconditional love from the spiritual union between two; either two or more humans or human to spirit.


This gets interesting when you begin to watch the reactions of others who profess to know Jesus or the divine and they become enraged at this idea and go to great lengths to force others into submission to their views. I don't recall Jesus doing any of that sort of thing and yet these so called Christians profess to be followers of Jesus. Perhaps Jesus had a twin brother who was the opposite of him and he had a different living philosophy of beating people up if they disagreed with him or hating other races or orientations. Maybe Jesus had a twin brother who made woman subordinate and obedient to him? Obviously someone got the story wrong and made Jesus into whatever served their personal agenda and they still do. The idea that you can be a born again Christian and then turn around and lie to congress and manipulate the media and foreign policy and then invade a country that is only a threat to its own self, and then kill innocent children, women, and men, along with torturing and imprisoning them without due process or following the Geneva convention, is a telling tale of this "idea" of being born again? Born into what? More insanity?


Jesus was not Republican, democratic, nor did he support any other party in his day. Jesus wasn't interested in any Good Books, though other politically motivated individuals surely were and still are. Jesus wasn't interested in showing up to Church for a fashion show of who's who or to show off how much wealth he had. Jesus didn't support the good old boys network, nor did he sit around telling sexist jokes or put down anyone who disagreed with him. Jesus and Buddha and others like them were more interested in who you were and how you expressed that divine spirit within your being. Jesus would not jump on the band wagon telling you he was better than Buddha or any other enlightened being, because he knew that we all come from the same divine essence. And it is my profound realization that Mary was just as enlightened as Jesus and that there were other women who were just as enlightened. We just don't hear about it because the frightened little men who run organized religion have written and taught them out of the picture and at some point they were murdered and burned at the stake for it. That was a power move on the part of the Church leaders AND political leaders. In those times there was no separation and to a certain degree there still is no separation, because we still get ignorant people bringing their religious beliefs to their jobs in government positions, because religion is a political agenda, where as spirituality is a direct connection to spirit and a personal state of being. Religion is about maintaining control over the masses, where as spirituality is knowing that one need only concern themselves with their own inner experience, with no need to force others to their way of thinking. The need to force others into obedience or compliance is fear based. If you take a really long look at those in organized religion, you can begin to realize that most of their stance is fear based. They are frightened of any movement towards directly experiencing the divine. This whole movement to stifle as many people as possible is powered by a great deal of terror...


There are many stories that come out of the bible and most everyone can recall these stories, how Jesus made wine and bread and fish appear to feed the masses that had arrived around him and his disciples. The whole basis of this story was about caring for your fellow man. And here we have a president of the United States, with many supporters, who profess to be Christians who turn their backs on the homeless, helpless, the down trodden, the hurting, the children, and a host of other pressing and urgent issues, and they profess to be followers of Jesus or God. Something is wrong with this picture, because most of the branches of Christianity use the same Bible, though there are differing versions, but for the most part the stories in the books within are the same. And yet look at what spews out of the mouths of these self professed Christians. Look at the actions of these Christians who profess to know all about love. Where is the love in torturing another human being? Where is the love in oppressing others so you can have more? Where is the love when you continue to undermine democratic values to fill your pockets and accrue power over others? I have also witnessed these TV evangelists who live high on the hog off of an incredible following of people, both young and old, who give them their last dollar. If I recall correctly, Jesus was about sharing above all else, and yet we have this incredible Christian system of vacuuming monies off their followers to the tune of billions. I don't see it raising the well being of their followers and it surely hasn't put a dent in any of the dysfunction that still pours forth from the pulpits.


The Catholic church is the worlds largest corporation. Its wealth alone would shift the entire consciousness of this planet towards spiritual well being like no other. But, they aren't interested in spiritual well being, because that is not what they are in business for. If Jesus had that sort of money, it wouldn't be sitting around collecting interest for that small group of men who run the place. Ironically, Jesus would be pointing out that most of that money belongs to the people of the Church and a good chunk of it was taken from conquests. I think Jesus would call those funds ill-gotten gains. How ironic that the good church takes those monies, collects them regularly and the puts them in accounts to make more money and yet they sit on it. What are they planning on doing with it? It's almost like they have pretended to make Rome into a heaven like movie set with all the gold, glitter, and pomp. The agenda is to accrue power and to ensure that conditional love maintains its hold on the world. It's about ensuring that people remain ignorant and in line with church doctrine and obedient to the few. If I recall correctly, Jesus was pretty explicit that spirit was the one we must listen too and follow; not the voice of some other person standing up on a raised platform or from some leader in some distant place, living a life of luxury, while others are suffering or in need; Born again? The only thing that keeps getting born is more ignorance; its called delusion and fantasy...


We are surrounded by this incredible system hording money that professes to know about spirit, to have the only right connection, and then they breed fear, shame, and guilt into you in order for you to be saved. Saved from what? How about saving you from knowing the truth so you can move along and stop following the distorted lies of con men who are nothing more than dark souls. They are not interested in your spiritual well being. They are mostly interested in controlling the masses to ensure their financial well being and they've convinced most people to be their body guards and soldiers at that. The masses are so engrossed with being saved and getting a ring side seat to entering heaven that they don't even know they are being had. And from an energetic perspective, they feed off the negative energies that arise from those who live in fear, shame, and guilt.


So, getting back to the direct experience of the divine via sexual unions. Most of us have no idea what sort of damage occurs when the infant males foreskin is cut off. This skin is full of many nerve endings that connect with the entire nerve system in the body, as well as the energetic/spiritual system of the body. When one cuts into that tissue, an incredible wave of pain surges through those pathways and creates a trauma, an energy blockage that assists in setting up a fracture in the psyche of those souls. It is meant to shut down the consciousness and direct connection to spirit. Has anyone bothered to question why one needs to torture an infant or teen boy in order for them to be spiritual? Again, each of us is already spiritual at birth. We don't need anyone from any religion to bestow this upon us. Secondly, making a point of forcing young ones to feel ashamed and guilty for being sexual, for having sexual feelings, for wanting to make themselves feel good, is an effective tool for shutting down the spiritual connection; spirituality is sexuality and sexuality is spirituality. Sexuality is spirituality and if you can brain wash the young or force them into obedience to your way of thinking in regards to what spirituality is, then their sexuality is affected. Since most religious organizations use fear as a way of controlling the masses, it must be understood how much fear shuts down the spiritual connection and also the sexual connection as well; for the two are inseparable.


The disconnection process begins with forcing the young to focus their attentions externally away from their internal knowingness. Being small they don't have much choice and school only reinforces this by keeping them seated for hours in classes meant to train the mind to intellectual knowingness only. Along the way they begin to embody shame, guilt, and fear, which then shuts down the heart chakra, and the lower chakras begin to get clogged and blocked because our feelings are shut down. When feelings get shut down, the emotional chakra gets overworked trying to get our attention, and we are taught to shut that down as well. This takes time to do, but it is an effective process meant to dis-empower the children to grow up into dis-empowered adults. It has been stated that the teen years are the last attempt at freedom, that if they don't break free at this stage, then they move into adulthood more so dis-empowered, and it is very difficult to wake up out of this. Again, we only need to look around and see the world around us to see how true this is. In no way am I saying this is easy work, its not, but the rewards are far greater than continuing on in the dark. There are a lot more people around who are doing this work. If you pay attention and are willing to risk moving beyond the norm and risk letting go of those that only support of your fitting in, then you will make leaps and bounds in waking up. There are a ton of excellent books out there, as well as healers. Granted there are some places where it is really bad or not good, but still there is the internet and drive or trip to a nearby city to get assistance and find support. If necessary move to one of those places. Who would want to hang around a place where everyone is miserable or judgmental and who in the blazes wants to live around shame, guilt, and fear; Just Say No!






4-22-07 - 


"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

         - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1963)



4-23-07 - 


What arises in my awareness today is this quote by Marianne Williamson:


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others


People in general like quotes, they are intellectual fodder for the mind. When done reading it, savoring it, people then go on about their business, having gone back into their box and continuing on in dysfunction mode. I am reminded of those who got tired of living in oppressive mindsets within a culture of dysfunction and chose to move out of their comfort zones and did something about it; they began to listen and act on their inner awareness and realization.


I'm reading "Spiritual Emergence" by Stanislav & Stephanie Grof, which offers some really profound writings on waking up out of the stupor of dysfunction, the processes involved, the problems. The book is a compilation of writings by well known cutting edge psychologists and psychiatrists who bucked the system and their own professional circles. This book as given me a lot of value in understanding my own waking up process and supported me in my own realizations of how insane our culture is. I felt a great relief at reading of others who are/were saying the same thing as I am. The process we are involved in is getting information out to those who are inundated with the forces of mainstream collective forces bent on keeping them asleep and in conformity. As I continue to do my own deep work, I've about lost most of any concerns over what others think of me. In the larger scheme of things what we think about ourselves is worth of much more of our attention and in supporting the inner knowingness that arises untainted and untouched by dysfunction and its cultural rules of conformity.


If for some reason this bothers someone while reading this, then I would suggest going out into Nature and looking around at all the various aspects of it and you will find no two things alike. You can pick any two trees of the same species growing near each other and no two are alike; they each grow in different directions, having different numbered limbs, and different angles. The implications of this is profound if you can let go of the ego minds need to see it only has sameness. Beyond the sameness of being a Maple or Oak or Pine, lies the greater truth of different ness. The importance of this brings about greater health and well being, but also brings one into spiritual alignment with one's self and most importantly with spirit. Without this connection we are empty shells running on cultural software of conformity and darkness, whereby we allow others to trample on our being in various ways that are not harmonious for us, and we stand by and watch others trample on others.


How unfortunate when a whole country allows a select few to terrorize their own citizens and other citizens in other countries for their own insane reasons. We like to think that we are in touch with reality, but in fact we are cowering from reality in ways that are quite disturbing. Reality is like having the TV turned off, and when it is turned on, think of it as ego, with hundreds of channels to get distracted by, with each show carefully tailored to get our attention, to form our minds, and to keep us enthralled with program. This is what cultural programming is in a nut shell. We are taught in our early years to sit, listen, and be passive until asked to speak. We are programmed with select information and taught how to use this information based on how the programmers craft the questions and we learn to answer within those guidelines. While it is intellectually arguable that this is bullshit, and many do, it is completely unacceptable to the heart and spirit to be small and to go on allowing the ego mind create delusions that we are fine, when in fact we are a walking neurosis that distorts our physical, sexual, emotional, mental bodies.


Ignorance is not a blissful state and the irony of this state of being is that we don't even know about it. Oh there are signs there if you begin to pay attention feelings, and that will begin your journey out of the delusion. Your daily mantra should be, "how am I feeling in this particular situation?" Keep asking and keep tuning into the body to get at the feelings going on in your chest and stomach areas; these two being the biggest ones. One can also focus on the entire body as a feeling organ that will tell some interesting tales. One can focus on muscular tensions in the body, areas such as the lower back, upper back, neck and skull area and the jaw area. We habitually tend to hold a lot of tension in these areas, and what this is about is the ego activating habitual holding patterns meant to shut down the flow of authentic self from organically expressing itself. this in itself is a whole other piece to be written. This is why I'm a proponent of doing body work and breath work. You can read more extensively about body work in the link section of my site, which takes you to the various body work websites, where you can read about it more extensively. Also, doing a Google search on body work and bodywork will bring up a great deal of articles and information.


What I was alluding to before about the body and holding patterns, has to do with who we are as an energy being. We are energy, pure psycho-sexual-spiritual energy that arises from the vastness of the Universe. We are not our bodies, yet we inhabit them in ways that go beyond what we have imagined them to be and the body has its own innate knowingness that is so far beyond what we conceptualize within our cultural software. Culture has driven us from the body to the point we have been taught to be frightened of it. To go within its depths would free us to levels that stagger the mind, yet the perceived dangers of stepping over the line that culture draws between the mind and body, stifles the direct experience of the divine; true freedom. This energetic body is what we truly are, yet we are systematically taught to shut it down, ignore it, and deny it, until we function at such a low vibrational level as to be impervious to the call of our higher self/spirit within. Getting back in touch with this inner connection is important on many levels, but specifically for one's spiritual health and well being. By spiritual health, I mean our wholeness, and this has nothing to do with any of the religious teachings. In effect, these teachings have nothing to do with being spiritual, they are about being un-spiritual. In general, religion teaches one how to remain unconscious by utilizing fear, shame, and guilt, along with a great deal of peer pressure to ensure conformity.


I find it rather amazing that religion, which is supposed to be concerned for the well being of their followers spiritual development, spends no time at all teaching one how to do their own dream work, nor how to do breath work, or body work, or body movement, or meditation, fasting or how to access one's spirit via the use of creativity; painting, poetry, dancing, singing, etc. Then there is the use of psychedelics as spiritual tools as all indigenous cultures have done for thousands of years. I am sure this will disturb people, because drugs have been taught to us as being bad. Well the reason they are bad is they wake you up if you use them correctly. My section on psychedelics in my link section has excellent resources that will discuss this from an academic and spiritual context. If we take the line of reasoning that drugs are bad, then we have to "believe" that all indigenous people are drug addicts or bad, and that is quite ridiculous. I find it ironic that the cultures that don't use psychedelics, are the warring nations, of which spend a great deal of time in their heads disconnected from spirit, inflicting damage every where they go. People who do this sort of thing have a war going on within their own being; a war on consciousness.


Energy is consciousness. There are some who believe this to be untrue, but they are confusing spiritual energy with physical energy or electrical energy. Spiritual energy (there are many names for it) is our life essence. I have had many experiences with this energy via a kundalini opening in 2000, that has continued to expand as the years pass by. I have had some pretty amazing experiences of energy movements while doing body work, CranialSacral work, breath work, and acupuncture. On the one hand it is amazing, and on the other it incredibly challenging in more ways than I care to admit. But, that is our nature, our essence is not one of simplicity, it is complex beyond anything we could imagine. We like to think of ourselves as just human beings, yet there lurks in our shadows a greater truth of what our potential is. This can be challenging to open too, because the cultural software dictates smallness or to avoid anything that doesn't fit inside the box of conformity. Yet our greatness or our Infinite Being comes with an incredible reward that no one can touch or match. Getting reacquainted with the inner life, frees one to become whole, to be healthy, stress free, and in touch with the wonder of wholeness. Why would one settle for the approval of another over the approval of ones self? Thinking about it is the problem. There's nothing to think about at all, it requires no thinking, because being is in a thinking process, it's a feeling process mostly and when you can feel most of the time, you are in the flow of spirit. There's a trust available that lets you know when you are out of touch with your essence, and you are able to make adjustments to become aligned with proper direction that feels right.


Feelings are connected to the flow of energy, and this energy feels a certain way positively or negatively; one is free flowing high vibrational energy; the other is subdued or blocked lower vibrational energy. The energy vibrational level is determined by our state of mind and the beliefs that are entertained within the intellectualizing process. Thoughts that are imbued with fear, guilt, or shame negate the flow of energy. Think of the words as power that directs the flow of energy. Learning to be aware of one's thoughts allows a greater understanding of how thoughts can bring us down or up in regards to our energy. Fear or the lack of fear encompasses an amazing complex system that activates various components and systems in the body, that ultimately effect our energy. Becoming conscious of your thinking patterns and the thoughts one entertains can bring an incredible awareness that can open one up to higher vibrational levels of energy. One can learn how to become conscious of these systems and to learn to over-ride the unconscious patterns to negate the unimpeded flow of spiritual energy.


Through doing breath work and body work, I learned that our muscles play a part in shutting down the flow of energy. Breath also affects the flow as do physiological processes that we can voluntarily learn to release energetic blocks. Letting go is an interesting phenomenon that evolved out of doing body work, and I am constantly amazed as I do this work as to how many levels exist in letting go. I am amazed at how our holding patterns contain the flow of energy. Imagine making your entire body as tight as you can by contracting your muscles. Now imagine you can tighten it a thousand times more. Or loosen the muscles and then release them a thousand times more. This metaphor is what it is like in terms of letting go. Just when you think you have been stretched and relaxed to your max, you suddenly find another level of letting go, which releases yet more blocks of energy. This makes no sense to the mind, but when you begin to experience it in the body, you begin to grasp the concept via direct experience. There is a gestalt knowingness when it occurs of which we have no words to adequately describe. One can truly only experience to know it.


So there is my challenge to you. Be all you can be! As a side note, it is rather funny to watch those Army commercials professing to be all you can be. Now that is a joke, because when I got out of the Army, I started a journey of having to do body work to undo all the shutting down I was taught. Go figure.





4-28-07 - 10:05am -

I was reading Spiritual Emergencies again and ran across this piece on the stages of love. Basic level is sex, with unconditional love being the next, with the final stage being compassion; at least on this plane of existence. I am realizing what this is about from an experiential perspective, as my heart center has been opening a great deal these last few weeks. It was almost unbearable for awhile there, as all these feelings came up from when I was a child and all the subsequent years of suppressing heart feelings. Staying with the feelings, any of them, is key to freeing up the negating energies surrounding them. Our job is not to keep grieving them with anger or resentment or judgment, but to just feel them, and consciously acknowledge that we felt this particular way or that during different times. In feeling the feelings, we set ourselves free from the stuck energy suppressing them, so we can begin to power up to our higher energetic states of awareness. Feelings are meant to let us know when things aren't in harmony and balance, so that we can take response-ability for what is working towards what will work for our highest good.  

As children, we were not allowed to act on our inner knowing. We were not allowed the ability to respond to our feelings. As souls, many of us came in out of a great compassion for the families we incarnated into, in order to bring in unconditional love and compassion. This was easy at first for some, for others it was no so easy, and in some it was a horror. This bringing in light/love is challenging business, especially in a world that is in a lot of darkness. But, this is what many of us do; we come into this world to anchor in the light/love. When it is anchored, it cannot be undone or touched. This is challenging for souls that come in and have immature bodies at birth, which have yet to mature energetically to handle the higher energetic levels of energies necessary for spiritual development in this realm. The body is integral for this to occur, to assist in anchoring in the soul, so the light can be channeled into the body to be anchored into the Earth plane. 

It is akin to old growth forests, where one can feel the incredible energy they anchor in. I believe this is why most of the old growth has been exterminated, because it effects the environment we live in and because that higher energy is threatening to those that live in the dark; this explains why so much of our pristine environments have been destroyed or are constantly being threatened by corporate interests. This is the dark wanting to destroy the energy being produced in those areas, to shut down the positive energy grids of the planet; this is a mirror of the acupuncture meridians in humans. If you block these channels of energy, you shut down the consciousness, you shut down the ability to connect at higher levels.


The same can be said about human beings and why young children are stifled in body and mind in order to stifle the entrance and expression of the soul in full embodiment. Which is why they are abused physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually; all of these are spiritual abuse, one area harmed affects all the other areas. I have watched adults treat their children or children in general, in ways they would never treat their friends or spouses at a basic level of respect and yet there are many adults who do treat their friends and partners in derogatory ways. This is main process of disconnecting the young, of training them through abusive patterns of conditioning that isolate, minimize, and control the child into obedience and domination. And I will state emphatically that all classes, races, and genders are not exempt from this dysfunctional process of unconsciousness. Feelings are the key to finding your way back to your conscious source and bringing to light your full consciousness that you were born into this world with. There is an incredible amount of energy being siphoned off to suppress our full consciousness. Imagine a huge dam with all that water behind it. The water that is released down at the base of the dam, is what we have to work with in terms of our potential. Even blocking 1% can cause a lot of problems, because it is like a ripple effect that shifts every mode of our being. Feelings are not the enemy, they are the indicators of what is not working for our higher self.


So, when feelings arise or you find yourself feeling suddenly down or angry, begin a process of awareness of what caused this shift. Was it a person, situation, place, or thing that triggered it? If you can find out what it was, you can use this as a gage for the feelings, in order to go back to find out when this occurred in the past. It could be a week or a month or a long time ago. Usually it is about the past if we find our moods suddenly altered or if the emotions we are feeling are way out of proportion to the event. If you think about this, you will realize that much of what we get angry about usually is out of proportion in general. We repeat emotional patterns because this is the innate system we have for healing that is built into us. Higher self and our inner guides and our own habitual patterns draw us to similar situations that allow us to become conscious of suppressed feelings. When we can start to notice this process and take the time to watch the process and notice the feelings, we can begin to work towards freeing up this blocked energy that keeps being repeated. Eckhart Tolle discusses this repeating emotional process as a feedback loop, where negative thoughts trigger unresolved blocked emotions, which then do the feedback loop, building up the negative emotions, which is what keeps the ego fed, nourished and allows it have power over us. Tolle has more to say about this, but this is the simple version. When you can begin to access the emotions, realizing where you felt this way as child or at the very least, being able to realize you felt this way as a child and how lousy that was, then one can honor the feelings, heal them, and let them go.


The real healing comes from understanding that it is essential that we be in touch with our feelings all the time, because they let us know when things are beginning to get out of balance, and let us know about people, places, and things that are positive or negative. The key area here is the heart center, where each of us is extremely sensitive to feelings. Consider this area your inner guidance system. As children we were totally connected to this and totally aware. As we began to get older and could begin to become autonomous, we began to run into the dysfunctional adults around us who dictated what we should not do and be. We were taught to mostly not be. This negating process goes against our inner knowingness and the feelings that are our compass on being. As we began to be corrected, we had to go against this inner knowingness and we were systematically distracted by the adults in our life at home, school, church, and community towards the external world exclusively. There were/are some who retained somewhat of a connection, but not the full awareness. As we were distracted and forced to pay attention externally, eventually our consciousness went through a split, whereas the acceptable parts became the masks, facades, and walls created, and the unacceptable parts were relegated to the unconscious levels and this part is the domain of the soul; it is as vast as the universe.


This is where our feelings began to be suppressed because we were not allowed act on them. If were to stay conscious of this and be unable to do anything about this, it would become unbearable; hence the masks, facades, and walls. All of these feelings and authenticity have to be hidden and we cannot know about them because we would slip up on following all the rules and get in trouble physically, emotionally, and mentally in terms of getting our basic survival needs met. Emotions come into play over time when we don't listen to the feelings. Emotions erupt when the ego has systematically denied the awareness of the feelings that are needed to be addressed for inner harmony. One can see children who are upset emotionally or one can see them in states of sadness or sorrow. As we get into our teen years, the rebellion kicks in an is meant as a last ditch effort to break free from the constraints of living a life of insanity based on cultural software. I have mentioned this before and will mention it again because it is such an infestation of the mind, that we keep sliding back into the egos game of distractions. If we do not begin to make changes towards breaking free of this process, then we grow into adults who are programmed. Ironically, most of the world is programmed and they believe, as they were taught, that they aren't programmed and that they have no masks, facades, and walls. This is the state of mind where we don't know that we don't know; meaning we don't know that we are unconscious about aspects of our self and society.


So, this is why emotions start to build up as we get older and we begin to have health problems of varied sorts. The state of our health is a mirror of our emotional wellness and hence our mental awareness, and most importantly our spiritual awareness. If one looks at the entire societal structure, then one can begin to understand how it medicates the masks, facades, and walls. If we are upset about something and we are stuffing the feelings about it, then our emotions begin to act up, and this puts one into stress mode, which starts out as an upset stomach or a tenseness in the neck/shoulder area or lower back area. Any part of the body can be a holding zone for stress, depending on the situation we are upset about. This can begin to chronic and can show up anywhere in the body as dis-ease. Ironically, rather than deal with the core issue, we have been taught to deal with the surface issue. So for instance, we have an upset stomach, so we take stuff to make the stomach acid go away. The core issue is still there, and while it might be "nice" that the  surface problem is gone temporarily, eventually it will return with a vengeance. Unresolved issues are living systems and as such seek resolution. The domain of the ego is more complex than what current mainstream understands it to be. There is a force, who's intention is to suppress the light/love that emanates from within. It is not wanting this spiritual presence in this realm. Understanding this, will begin to makes sense of many things as you begin to open up to the higher aspects of authentic self.


Freeing yourself of these emotional charges, will allow the free flow energy to begin to increase to the higher levels necessary for the finer, subtle energies that make us who we are truly are as spiritual beings. As you begin to listen to your feelings, you begin to let go of old patterns of putting up with people, places, and things that have no substance or sustenance for your authentic self. Your awareness becomes more conscious of how you have been doing things that go against your inner heart knowing. When a person begins to feel what this is like, it can be overwhelming, as was the case of my recent opening of my heart to another level of awareness. It's not necessarily a switch we flip and then its on; the whole process of opening up takes time, because there are elements that need to be in alignment with others in our body, mind, soul, spirit aspects. If one were to suddenly open up to this energy, it could cause some major problems. If you read about kundalini openings, this touches on this process somewhat, but doesn't make the connection to what I am getting at. All of this stuff is interconnected. One doesn't just open up spiritually and stay shut down on a feeling level or continue stuffing emotions or memories. I don't subscribe to the notion that one doesn't have to go back and heal the past. That idea is just that, some more of the same ego intellectual masturbation perpetuated in order to distract us from being completely aware. Many can and are connected on a psychic level and that is not necessarily a bad thing, but that doesn't mean they are spiritual. I have witnessed and read about many who still have ego issues that bleed over into their psychic abilities, often distorting it in subtle and not so subtle ways. Nor do I believe that meditation alone offers a way out of not having to clear out one's emotional/mental bodies, because these two bodies affect our creative/sexual/spiritual aspects.


There is the phenomenon where people begin to do this work, but then get caught up in not liking bad feelings and liking good feelings. They begin to spend time focusing only on what makes them feel good, which is important, but so is allowing the not so good feelings to arise, so they can be processed, owned, and purged. There is great wisdom in becoming aware of these feelings, and with it comes a great awareness and freedom from patterns on many levels. The problem arises when the ego directs us to avoid problem areas and we then focus on being nice, saying nice words, doing nice acts, and yes this is of value, but beneath the facade, and it is a facade, lie the emotions and feelings still festering, still controlling us to varying degrees. And the ego is an excellent controller and can do all those nice things, while maintaining a rigid control, while locking out the full potential of our soul self. I can recall a particular time of writing something about sexual orientation issues as it related to consciousness on an email group I ran, and being told by by an older woman I knew in town that they were inappropriate, that my bringing this up tainted the spiritual message. It was obvious she had her own issues surrounding her own sexual orientation, otherwise why the need to separate sexuality from spirituality.


People do this all the time. They begin to do a particular spiritual approach or get involved in a new religion, or begin to meditate, or begin to create a new mask or facade that allows them to perhaps open up more or perhaps to do something new that will distract them. And most of it is distraction, but I will say that spirit never judges the distraction process, for it understands that the ego process is a challenging one. I consider the ego an aspect of the darkness, and while shadow side has its merits, I still believe there are forces that are not interested in light and unconditional love; they actually fear it for their own reasons that are for another time to discuss.


We can look back in our past and see with clarity, if we choose, how we out grew things or maybe we can recall doing things that were out of the ordinary. But, then it should be important to assess just what ordinary is and extraordinary. It should be our life's work to become aware of our motivations for doing what we do and why we do it and with whom we do it with. As we focus on our feelings, we can begin to make more appropriate choices based on our heart, based on our higher alignment to authentic soul self and the divine. In my own personal life, I have come to realize how old patterns held sway over who I associated with, what I did for work, what opportunities I allowed myself to act on, and other such choices, and most of them, if not all of them were based on limiting my existence as authentic self. In  fact, it stifled most of that in terms of fitting in and being accepted by my peers.


My opening process began the day I left Rochester, NY to join the Army in 1984. Those five years in the Army awoke in me the ability to build up strong character assets of determination, motivation, concentration, and the ability to survive difficulties. I learned about cultural differences that were different from my Caucasian Protestant Christian upbringing, loaded with all the ism baggage that came with that particular cultural software. My two years stationed in Germany were my first huge cultural shock that forever opened my eyes to the dysfunction here in the U.S. Subsequent awakenings occurred working in the hotel industry and the codependent behaviors that it is based on as a reflection of the greater codependency behaviors of our society and the world at large. And it was my getting laid off permanently that forced me into going to college, which really educated me in ways that even the educational system is clueless about in general. And at the same time while attending college, I was led to begin reading a astronomical amount of books on many subjects related to body, mind, spirit connections, of which the body opened up much needed understandings that have been coming on line these last five years. So, you're probably wondering, "what the hell does that have to do with feelings?"


The last two years of coming on line about feelings, and purging emotions, and acknowledging how often I have ignored my heart in regards to listening to the deeper feelings that were trying to make me aware of attractions to people, places, and things that were of no real spiritual value to my authentic self. As I continued to be distracted towards those things, I continued to be held a prisoner so to speak by ego keeping me in those patterns. That is not to say I didn't have glimpses or walk away from things, for I did change and grow, until finally I began to understand that I was not happy. There were a lot of difficult times in trying to figure out what I wanted to do and that was the problem. Ego was always getting in the way to distract me away from FEELING, because it knew that if I got into feeling mode permanently, it signaled the down of ego's reign. Since September, a lot of feelings have been coming up and a lot of distractions as well, for ego is not going to let go that easily. But, I persevered, and begin to pay attention to what the mind was doing, and began to catch the egos distractions, and pulling my awareness back into my center; imagine a hurricane and at its core center is this incredible calmness; this is our spiritual core. As I began to do this more and more, I began to stay focused and more centered and present. Being more present allowed me to be more aware of feelings and how what I was involved in was connected to how I was feelings.


Several months ago my heart center opened up while journeying. I was listening to some Chillout Psy  music which touched my soul; by this I mean I feel it in my body, where the energy flows begin to increase and I feel a sensation of energy flowing out the crown of the head sort of like the top of a fountain, and the sensations are such that the chakra centers open up to flow freely. When this occurs, I get up and need to move. Out of this is how I stumbled onto what is called spontaneous Qi-gong. The experiences are incredible and the flow energy often moves me to great joy, bliss, and ecstasy and a times great sorrow and grief, depending on what I am working on at the time of these occurrences. But, this particular night, I got up to move and decided to do a particular Qi-gong movement I have always been in love with. As I started to do the movement, my arms were coming up and beginning to expand outwards to the sides above my head, and before I could get my arms half there, my heart center opened up, literally like a window about two feet wide and a foot high, and within this opening was a direct connection to the divine. Instantly I was stunned, and realized that this particular Qigong movement was created in assisting in opening the heart chakra.


My next realization within a seconds was this incredible grief, as I realized this is our connection to the divine that is missing, which is why we are always craving something to fill its void in our lives. This was a living connection of the divine, of which I call Shakti/Shiva, and felt to me of the true mother/father within all of us that is the divine. Oh, how I cried, as I realized this is supposed to be there all the time; it's our birth right as souls. It's not something we have to earn or have to be baptized to get or have the intellectual blessings of some church/religion. We didn't lose it because we were bad or sinful or any of the other garbage we've been taught. We lost it because higher self had to shut down for us to survive our families and society as children, until we could awaken enough to allow this opening to stay open and fully functioning. We are not meant to be walking intellectualizing machines of egoic mechanistic functioning void of feelings, emotions, desires, joy, bliss, and ecstasy. We are much more than that, much more, and when we begin to own this divine aspect of our selves, we begin to own the incredible spiritual power we have to bring love and compassion to the world. I have to admit that for quite awhile I believed compassion was an intellectual act, it was something you did externally.


In reality, compassion is an inner essence that is radiated out, and this essence can be felt on a soul level. Compassion is an force to be reckoned with, that can touch the hidden essence in another, quell pain and suffering, and guide one to acts of great healing, understanding, and warmth towards others. Compassion is an act of communion, of communicating without words, heart to heart. When my youngest nephew was born in 1999, I had the opportunity to go home that Fall for a family reunion, a month after Jacob was born. The whole week I was there, he wouldn't let anyone hold him, except his mother. The last night I was there, I was over visiting with my brother, his wife, and my other nephew Aaron, and towards the latter part of the evening, Aaron wanted a snack before bed time, so I was asked if I wanted to hold Jacob, and he was OK with that. I got to hold him in my hands while everyone was out in the kitchen. As I looked down at this incredible soul (all children are incredible souls, as are adults), and felt this incredible love for him. As I walked around the room, we would make eye contact from time to time.


At some point, I had this song come up that I started to hum, something I would call a soul song; something I had never heard before, nor have been able to repeat again. At some point, we were looking at each other and I felt this wave of love wash over my face, coming from his soul. I experienced this once before out in Nature. This is what would be considered part of compassion. I was deeply touched by this, nor do I think that Jacob is special, for all beings are special in their essence of soul/divineness. What I am conveying to you the reader, is this ability to commune and the fact that this supposed infant is far more than what we have been conditioned to be. His soul, isn't even a he or she, but rather a being of infinite wisdom and abilities that most of us are clueless about.


This feeling of energy moving about and out the crown and the subsequent feelings of tingling, of hair arising subtlety, are indications of shifting into this aspect of one's soul being. I am beginning to find a lack of words to describe much of what I am becoming aware of and it is my belief that there are no words to describe these aspects, that language at best is limiting in its abilities to express the heart/divine. How could it, since the experience is not words, it is not thinking, it is being, and the resonance of such being radiates, emanates, vibrates at such incredible shimmering of light that the experience itself is of utmost beauty and sustenance, and knowingness. Everything else external is nothing in comparison to it; I'd willingly give up the house, the car, the friends, the lovers, and the desire for this world or others to go back to it, to experience it in my life all the time. And that is what I am doing with my life. I am understanding more of what I came to do. I have come to teach people how to function as spiritual beings, how to be in the world, how to heal, how to listen to their own inner connections, to trust them, and to assist others in waking up so they can become aware of what they came to do on earth during these times of waking up, of anchoring in more light, and eradicating the darkness that has imprisoned the many for a long time.


This is not a time for being small, for cowering, or running away just because your ego self is uncomfortable. In fact, it is the mask, facade, and walls that do the cowering, running, and withdrawing in fear. That is what the domain of darkness would like. Our true spirits cannot be harmed, nor tainted by anything. Our disconnection as children was sort of like being outdoors on a sunny day and suddenly the clouds came rolling in, covering up the essence of the Sun. We have been conned into believing that this essence is external, when in fact it is still there within us, still shining behind the clouds of delusion that use fear, shame, guilt, and other distracting aspects to pull the wool over our eyes; call it the great sham.


So, if you are thinking feelings and emotions are still irrelevant, then know that your ego still has you by the gonads. And this is literally true, since the gonads operate under the direction of the first and second chakras. Caroline Myss's book Anatomy Of Spirit, is an excellent read on what occurs in the external world under each chakra. The first two dominate our lives from early onward, with an energetic focus on the collective unconscious, forcing us into the gambit of needing others approval to get our needs met. This may seem insignificant until you realize that other's approval are energetic in nature. When someone approves of you, they are giving you energy, which represents why so many are wanting other approval, for we are conditioned to give up our own approval. Our own approval is an energetic component as well, where we get our own energy from our own divine power source. At best, when we get others approval, we are getting tainted energies that having a much lesser quality than divine energy. As we begin to listen to our feelings and emotions, we are taking the steps towards transforming our shut down system and opening up the heart chakra towards self-empowerment. The throat chakra allows us to energetically speak up from a soul level, and the other two chakras are about inner knowingness and higher connections.


On a side note, I was talking with my body worker, who also teaches Tai Chi an Qigong, who discussed how in China the focus is on the third, fourth, and sixth chakras exclusively. Open mind critical thinking, (yes there is such a thing as closed mind critical thinking), would ask, "why would you not focus on all of them? My perspective would understand this as not wanting to be fully empowered and operational at a soul level. Maybe there is a logical reason why one would want to stay earth bound exclusively, but I don't get any value out of that which makes sense on a body, mind, soul, spirit level. My interactions with spirit during journeying and meditation tell another story. There is also another school of thought that believes in twelve chakras versus seven. I have had some experiences in real time, as well as in dream time, that allude to this and it would make sense on other levels relating to who we are as spiritual beings.


As I continue to awaken and clean my inner house out, I become aware of how mundane the human built world is devoid of any spiritual meaning and the lack of divine creation being involved in the creation of an inhabitable world filled with a divine respect for Nature, its intelligent creatures, and inhabited by spiritual human beings who are filled with joy, bliss, and ecstasy, that allow free minds and hearts to reign in this dimension, in the pursuit of connecting to higher states of being, to usher in transformations that are a part of our spiritual evolutionary abilities. This would include the eradication of hunger, homelessness, dis-ease. This would also include an education of body, mind, soul, and spirit perspectives that is both academic and experientially balanced. In this realm, children would be treated as beings in their own right and we adults would be open to understand and communicate with them on a soul level. Children would be here to assist us in bringing clarity of spiritual realms, since anyone in this realm needs to be aware of the squelching effect that occurs with our consciousness here. Children are the harbingers of higher awareness because they are so clear. The more generations that continue with this mind/heart set, the more children will usher in more awareness and higher states of consciousness.


There is more to this story than what religion and politics has been alluding too. The intellectualized world is fall apart and the many are not able to see it. People in general walk around in a zombie state, neither making eye contact nor responding to hello's. Most people live in fear of any meaningful interactions with others. They see others as threats. With that sort of mindset, their idea of beauty is tainted by not being connected to their feelings and emotions. They are unable to connect to the external sources of spiritual wellness, since they have no inner spiritual well with which to use as a compass to experience such sources. They have no idea how miserable they are, how empty they are, as they continue on unabated in their own dying to what is not. One can do the intellectual steps of doing what it is to be spiritual, but it is still lacking the actual direct connection to spirit. One can eat all the right foods, do all the right things, but it is still removed from "being" spiritual. There are souls behind those masks, facades, and walls, and it is important to understand they were side tracked too. Compassion is the only way to shift where we need to go and it is not going to take a huge amount of people to do it. One person with the right mind/heart set could shift the whole thing immensely. I continue to watch adults treat the children disrespectfully, hitting them, jerking them around, yelling at them, putting them on guilt trips, shaming them, and instilling fear in them. This is unacceptable to me and I am taking steps to begin to make more shifts occur:


"A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead


I have been learning to be less judgmental, choosing to see the soul behind the masks, facades, and walls, and have been noting that has allowed me the freedom to be more in alignment with who I am. I letting go to more levels of being and feeling more in alignment with my feelings, all of them, and they are all right to experience, whether or not others approve or not. I am just about free of the constraints that have bound me to this place, and I am liking being like a child, having my innocence (state of being) back, having my connection back, having trust in my own knowingness back, having no need to be dependent on others approval. I am either liked for being authentic or I am not. If I am not, then those aren't people I am going to choose to be around. I can love them for what they choose to believe in or do, but am no longer beholden to individuals who choose to embrace fear as their basic premise of viewing and living in the world with. I have no interest in arguing with another about being right. If they don't want to embrace the light and love, then that is their right. I am not responsible for getting them to understand. When they get tired of the pain and suffering and it becomes more unbearable than the pain and suffering of change, then that is when they will wake up. My response-ability to follow my inner guidance and being in alignment with the divine. I don't care about traditions if they tear another person down or take away from the right of another to be true to their innate knowingness. There's a lot of people who profess to be conscious or loving who do an awful lot of actions that have nothing to do with the divine.


So, with that, I am going to quit writing and go out into the world and see what synchronicity has in store for me today. I'm going seeking beauty in the world, even if I have to create it myself. There is nothing more revolutionary as loving and having compassion for them, of seeing another at a soul level. This is not an intellectual process, it is something that one falls into, a letting go of your masks, facades, walls, and it comes from the heart, and you will know it when you feel it, because you feel a profound sense of something soft, warm, arising from within your heart center (chest area), you will feel the soul/divine flowing outward. There may be tears that will arise and yes sorrow and sadness at knowing the pain of another, and yet this opens one up to greater compassion and it is this that empowers souls in the light.


You will in some moments experience the tingling sensation at the top of the head, as your energies coalesce and  become you that has no name, but expresses itself in ways that have no words, like the soft wind blowing gently through the leaves, or witnessing a leaf falling slowly to the ground or experiencing the gentle lapping of the waters at the shore's edge.


This can often be found in Nature with natural interactions with animals and birds and other life forms. I recall the experience in September 07' of wading barefoot in the creek near the ocean, and having a blue heron approach me. I squatted down in the water and went inside and cleared my mind and relaxed my entire being. I was finally rewarded with ten minutes or so of the heron walking towards me slowly as it fished for dinner. I was awed at seeing its deft foot work that hardly disturbed the water surface. At some point, it turned and went back, and I stilled myself more internally. At which point, it turned back and then passed by me not more than ten feet away. This was such an incredible experience, not only of being able to watch the heron up close, but feeling honored that the heron trusted me, knowing I wasn't going to harm it. That was the real beauty. During that same four day visit, I had a remarkable experience with a young eagle. I was walking around gathering fire wood as I continued to grieve and feel my feelings. At some point I heard its screech and when I looked up, there it was coming to a landing on a nearby tree twenty feet away. The beauty of its wildness was intense at that time for me. I walked over to the tree and lay down in the stones and we looked at each other for about fifteen minutes. There was a message in its arrival and it was sent to help me to understand what I had just been through. I felt a great connection and compassion arising from its presence.


At other times, I have felt great joy upon seeing hummingbirds coming in really close to me while watering with a water hose. They come up within several feet and the joy is what emanates from them and it is exquisite. I think of the earthworms, whose work is tireless and totally necessary for life to exist on this planet. I was out watching some this Spring in the rain on the sidewalk. I watched how long it took them to move across the space and doing it without seeing as we know it, wondering how they find their way, find a mate, find their way back to soils, and what that would be like in terms of existence. I was even more amazed to watch the earthworm start moving backwards, something I never knew they could do, nor had it ever come up in science classes in my time. I wound up shooting pictures and some videos of it. The whole thing was profound, and yet one could pick almost anything in Nature and gain a profound sense of its part in the greater scheme of things. I think the draw to Nature is to witness in the other our own wild natures and what the implications of that are. We would most surely lose all of our masks, facades, and walls, since we would not need any of them to be our "natural" selves.


If none of what I've written makes any sense to you, then just watch the children. You will come to know at some point that this is our true divine self minus all the cultural software.







4-29-07 - 11:15am -


I received this email the other day from a friend


Blind guy listens to echoes to navigate

 '14-year old Ben Underwood is a master of many things - skateboarding down the street, video games, and pillow fighting. No big deal, right? Actually, it is a big deal -- Ben is blind. Physically, since birth. Yet he has developed a kind of sonar that tells him where objects are -- and he doesn't miss.

You will be astounded at this amazing video, showing Ben doing all the things that sighted kids can do - and better (like beating his friends on video games.

While scientists have their theories about Ben's extraordinary sonar capacities, I have mine. A Course in Miracles tells us that real sight is not of the eyes, but the mind. We are all quite psychic, or at least have the capacity to be. We can "see" things with our mind independent of what our eyes are seeing. I believe that, in addition to his highly sensitized use of sound vibrations, he employs inner vision.

What a phenomenal teaching that we are all totally unlimited!'




4-30-07 - 10:37pm -


I received this article from an email I subscribe to from  FPIC, Foreign Policy in Focus, called a think tank with out walls, which is a project of the International Relations Center. The article touches on the U.S. debt, how bad it is, and yet the U.S. government dictate to other countries on bad spending habits and forcing others to abide by their strict guidelines, all the while ignoring their own debt problem. It ties into the article from yesterday, Blueprint For a Prison Planet, pointing out the total lack of concern for all the issues going on, as if those at the top are aware of something else or don't seem to concerned for what the outcomes will be. Then again, the rich have always been cushioned from major upheavals throughout time. Read it if you are so inclined:


You may say, "what's the point." Well maybe the point is to wake out of your stupor of "everything is fine!" It's not fine, its not ok, but what you can do is stop deluding yourself and start owning your authentic self. Now that is powerful stuff, more so than the power that others acquire in their delusion, for it is externally based power. If you have others supporting you or if you have the masses following you, then you are powerful; it comes down to either having power or not having power in that particular game. In authentic self, this is the only true power, a power connected to spirit, one that allows you to know for sure where you stand, being able to see between the lines, to know when you are being lied too, know when you are doing what is right for you, knowing you cannot be controlled. If you think that is mediocre, then realize your ego is thinking for your heart. Stop listening to that silly fear based noise inside your head and pay attention to what your heart is saying. It knows the way through all the walls and closed doors, and can even see in the dark, not to mention you can live with yourself without fear, shame or guilt and no being unconscious of stuff...


We learn to set aside our authentic self as children to learn the rules of culture that are forced upon us. In his book, "Playing by Heart," O. Fred Donaldson describes this process which he calls the Duchess' Game:


'The Duchess' Game is a way of being and acting based on the Duchess's Law from Alice in Wonderland which states, "the more there is of mine, the less there is of yours." The Duchess's Game is an antagonistic encounter in which we succeed by defeating an opponent. This "game" can be cynically expressed in a slightly different manner as The Three Laws of Thermodynamics quoted by Dennis Overbye:


        1. You can't win.

            2. You can't break even.

            3. You can't get out of the game.

In this zero-sum game, everything including life itself can be won, lost, possessed and awarded. It can be played anywhere and anytime, with balls, guns, and words and on sports fields, corporate boardrooms, political arenas, international battlefields, family living rooms, freeways, schoolrooms and playgrounds.


The Duchess's Game is a shared value system between people who need a symbolically and externally constituted sense of self worth-contest-and a society, which by granting it to them, reduces them to playthings. The game is sustained by a socio-economic, educational, and political philosophy, organized groups and a code of contest ethics. This adversary system is accepted, in part, because it has been an integral part of society for a very long time. So long, in fact, that people both as individuals and as groups cannot conceive of any other way of interacting. Throughout our history we have used one form of contest such as the courts to try to remedy the failures of another contest system, such as elections. We fundamentally believe in the efficacy of contests to cure social, economic and educational problems. But one form of cancer does not cure another; instead the patient now has two forms of cancer.'


Touch the Future visionaries share a deep respect for the limitless capacity of children to love and to learn. They are pioneers in the fields of human development, conscious conception, pregnancy, birth, bonding, the brain, peak performance, learning, imagination, intelligence, original play, parenting and more. Each is a treasure for you to discover and enjoy. 

You will find a rich preview of each interview or essay along with pdf files of the complete transcript. Full transcripts may range from three to twenty pages or more.


James W. Prescott


"The Origins of Love and Violence"

"Transforming the Family"

"Bonding Or Violence"


11:05pm -


Here's a portion of an article written by Nick Sandberg entitled, "Blueprint For a Prison Planet." The author has written on numerous subjects pertaining to consciousness, the bible, Gnosticism, and Qabala. Of other interest is The Role of Entheogens in the Creation of The Bible and The Two Towers Fall - Awakening to the Fourth Dimension.


I chose to post this portion of his article because it pertains to the process that shuts down children, of which I have been discussing recently. There are many psychologists and other professionals who write about this, but Nick's piece succinctly touches on the whole spectrum of events in a way that really helps see the bigger picture.




Conditioning is the means by which our reaction to traumatic events can be put to use to cause us to permanently alter our natural behaviour. Parents usually condition their children by giving them affection when their behaviour is deemed "good" and withholding affection when it is deemed "bad." They do this because the overwhelming majority of cultural influences they are exposed to tell them it must be done or we will not grow up to be "civilised" human beings. The action of conditioning, when it first occurs, will cause the mind to repress - to block awareness of what it was that happened. This will reoccur the first few times the action of conditioning, for instance, slapping, occurs. Then the mind will learn. It will learn that, in order to avoid being slapped in future, it must undertake the change in behaviour required. However, in order for conditioning to take place, the memory and pain associated with the original act of conditioning must remain repressed within, blocked from our awareness.


The intention of the mind, in blocking our awareness of events and repressing any associated emotions, is to protect us from emotional damage in our formative years. Each time something happens around us that in any way reminds our subconscious mind of a repressed memory, we receive a little burst of anxiety as repressed emotions begin to be processed. As repressed memories build up, whole areas of natural thinking and behaviour thus begin to become painful to us. The mind deals with this by learning subconsciously to avoid situations that remind it of repressed memories; and it is this "need to avoid" that allows the conditioned mind to be so easily controlled. By creating a culture in which repressed pain is not released from the system but, instead, can merely be avoided through social conformity, Western populations become emotionally dependent on their culture to feel secure. They can easily be directed to both do work and follow a lifestyle that slowly draws the planet under centralized control.

The Persona

One means by which nearly all Westerners learn to avoid contact with repressed emotions is through the development of a "persona." The persona is essentially a shield, a face that one can present to the world, behind which one can interact with society free from the risk of experiencing repressed pain. A consequence of developing this shield is that we, as children, start to learn to mask our true needs behind symbolic needs. We naturally crave deep love and affection but many learn not to seek it directly for fear of re-experiencing the pain that results when it is denied. Instead, many of us grow up learning to crave things that merely symbolize what we truly want, things like material possessions, personal power, sensual pleasures, and fame. Material possessions symbolize love because we learn that our parents show us love by giving us things.


Personal power symbolizes love because it represents freedom of expression, the withholding of which was used to condition us. Sensual pleasures symbolize love because we associate intimacy with love. Fame symbolizes love because we associate adoration with love. All these cravings are for things that symbolically represent what we truly need but are not the actual need itself. Because the true needs are not being met, the pleasure experienced proves only temporary and the craving for more symbols of love quickly returns. This is the true root of the universal problem of greed. The child chasing mere symbols of its true wants becomes the adult doing the same. We thus grow up driven to seek out things that merely symbolize what we actually want, and so never experience lasting satisfaction. When we don't comprehend the root of our behaviour, we simply assume that we don't have enough and strive for more.


Our school years are a time when we should be opening up emotionally, learning about the world and understanding what it means to be alive. Instead, most people's experience of school is that of being subjected to a rigorous indoctrination process while immersed in an emotionally repressive environment. An atmosphere of inhibition and abuse pervades, and fear of ridicule from our peer group causes us to spend most of our time hiding our true feelings and directing our energy into maintaining face.


Our shield, our persona, is maintained by self-esteem. Experiencing a feeling of security within the peer group is vital if the persona is to be held in place. To experience embarrassment in front of one's peers will instantly expose the individual to deeply painful repressed emotions, and thus is something to be avoided at all costs. One result of this is a corruption of our innate need to understand the nature of our world. For, from now on, whether or not we accept what we learn as being true will depend not only on whether it makes sense but also on whether we feel that believing it might pose a threat to our place within the peer group. We thus become dependent on our beliefs not only to help us understand the world but also to help maintain our persona. It is natural therefore that we soon develop a deep need to agree with the taught versions of subjects such as history and science. For not to do so would invite ridicule, and thus lead to a re-experiencing of deeply negative repressed feelings.

The Persona and Social Conformity

Our developing of this "need to agree" explains why the overwhelming majority of us appear so happy to go along with convention and popular belief, and are therefore resistant to "conspiracy theories." In fact, even when reading a controversial article in a journal, something that offers little chance of us actually being hurt, the subconscious mind remains constantly on the lookout for anything that could potentially affect our self-image, constantly aware of our need to maintain face. Should it encounter something threatening, it will quickly try to dump the information and move on to something else, not bothering to engage the rational mind and evaluate the idea further.


We can see how dangerous this is when we look at how little most people challenge the accepted version of history. Of World War II, for example, we are typically taught that Hitler was an evil dictator who rose to power in Germany and sought to take over the world. This provoked a reaction from the Allies, which, while causing a massive and regrettable loss of life, was unfortunately necessary if the world was to be saved from a global fascist regime. But how many of us ask how it was that Hitler, the leader of a country so economically crippled that a wheelbarrow full of banknotes was needed to purchase a mere loaf of bread, could afford the immense cost of all-out European war? How was it that the German army could secure the vast and continuing supply of oil and armaments necessary to undertake war on so many fronts simultaneously? The answer, of course, is that it was loaned the money necessary by the banking and industrial cartels of the West.


Yet most people reading this will not bother to enquire further into this story. Instead they will rapidly discount the whole idea on the first pretext that enters their mind. This is because, working at a subconscious level, our mind has already worked out that, if we believe that World War II was entirely manipulated into being by elite groups, then we are going to have to believe that other events in our history may have been similarly manipulated, and if we do this, it knows that we are going to have to adopt a set of beliefs that is different from that of our peers, thus potentially exposing us to ridicule. The need to hold down pain is greater than the need to know the truth and so defensive functions deny us the ability to rationally assess controversial information. Now let's look more deeply at this process.

Emotional Hijacking

In the 1990s, author Daniel Goleman memorably coined the term "emotional hijacking" to describe the process by which one part of our mind, operating below the level of our conscious awareness, can "hijack" our information-processing facilities and cause us to act irrationally, invariably in situations that it believes could be threatening to us.


Emotional hijacking refers to the ability of lower parts of the mind - our instincts, drives and defense mechanisms - to dictate the activity of the higher parts - our facilities for analysis, deduction and creativity. While we have developed a brain with quite phenomenal processing power, it is still subservient to our more primitive needs, and if what the higher brain is processing begins to concern our defense functions, then subconscious processes cut in and hijack intellectual activity, directing the mind to simply move away from the lines of thought that are inducing anxiety. Now let's look at what this process of emotional hijacking means in practice. Please read the following:


"Builders excavating the site of Benjamin Franklin's former London residence recently discovered 10 corpses, four adult and six child. They were subsequently dated as coming from around the same period as his occupation. Some claim that this proves further that Franklin, known to be involved with various elitist Masonic groups, as well as the UK's notorious Hellfire Club, was a practicing Satanist who had participated in child sacrifices."


On reading the above piece, many of us will experience an immediate, knee-jerk desire to laugh - to ridicule the absurd notion of Ben Franklin having been a Satanist and to have participated in child sacrifices. Why should this be? To persons brought up to believe that Benjamin Franklin was a loyal American and founding father, surely the natural reaction should be one of anger or outrage at such an assertion. Yet many of us will experience instead the urge to ridicule. This reaction is merely the defensive response described above. As we processed the last lines of the short article, a lower part of our brain suddenly became activated and leapt in to hijack the higher parts, all without our being aware. Believing that Benjamin Franklin might have been a Satanist will potentially expose us to ridicule, and so it acts quickly to prevent this happening and ridicules the notion itself. Note that this exercise is not making any statements about Benjamin Franklin, merely demonstrating how easily our higher mind is controlled by the lower.


Another important route for emotional hijacking is the shift into analytical thinking. If, while processing information, the lower brain begins to become concerned about deductions being made, it can direct the higher mind to seek alternative ways to account for what is presented. This is of course a natural part of the analysis process, but here it is being done, not to further understanding, but to block the formation of anxiety-inducing deductions. The difference is that, when analysis is done to block deductive reasoning, a person will develop an emotional need to believe his or her interpretation is correct. He or she will become emotionally, rather than intellectually, biased towards one viewpoint. Now, let's look at the third and most damaging way our natural development of a persona comes to affect our life.

Learning to Deny our Pain

In addition to the way the persona can render us reliant on consumer culture, and cause us to believe only the mainstream interpretation of history, so it also prevents from us realizing what has happened to us. For, when we operate from behind a persona, we must resist any attack on our self-esteem. This means we must oppose any suggestion that we have been in any way negatively affected by the experiences of our childhood. We saw earlier that, in order to release ourselves from the negative effects of repressed material, we must become consciously aware of its existence, express the pain, and so commence the grieving process. Yet, while we are constantly engaged in maintaining face, we cannot begin to come to terms with what has happened to us and thus begin to heal ourselves. In emotional terms, life becomes a simple feedback loop. Because we have been conditioned, we cannot face the notion that conditioning has affected us. And because we cannot face the notion that conditioning has affected us, we cannot heal ourselves of its effects. And we thus go on to condition others.


(And then another portion of the same article)


...Whatever you feel the truth of the matter is, the key to understanding all that is going on around us is to realize that, as a people, we are becoming more aware, and that, as we do so, so more and more people are beginning to develop the capacity to see deeper patterns of causation in the world around us and in the events of our lives. Alternative theories of history are thus a natural product of the expansion of processing ability that man is currently undergoing.


Most of the rest of this chapter is written for those who, to some degree, do believe. But, even if you are a hardened skeptic, even if you aren't remotely convinced it is happening here and now, you might want to think about ways to prevent this as a possible future scenario.


Evolution of the Mind


Fifty years ago people simply felt little need to question what they were told to do by those "above" them. But because the human mind is still evolving, now they are starting to do so. And this is why the movement toward globalization and the acceptance of microchip implants is proceeding at such a pace. We are the sleeping giant beginning to stir, and those at the apex of our culture need to shut the prison door tight before we awaken. It is incredible that such a small group of people could wield such a level of control in our world, and all we need to do is wake up and actively express our concerns and the world will be safe. And, without the goal of a prison planet to aim for, the mass of activities currently being undertaken to bring it into being will lose impetus, and the technological advances we have made can be put to use for the benefit of all.


The real source of the problem is the way we are treating our young. Because we prefer to give them things to demonstrate our love for them, rather than actually express this love directly, our children grow up addicted to material possessions. Because we teach them wrong from right by withholding affection, they grow up needing rules and regulations, overly concerned with control and personal power. Because they don't adequately experience affection, they grow up craving fame and adoration. And this is principally happening because we experienced the same conditioning when we were children ourselves.


If we therefore look at both healing ourselves of the effects of our own conditioning, and progressively reducing the degree to which we condition our own children, there will be a massive knock-on benefit to our society. Within many of us there are deep fears that are constantly restricting our ability to express ourselves, and if we wish to avoid transferring these fears onto the next generation, we need to learn where they are coming from and how to stop them crippling our desire for change. Remember, the elite are just a few among the six billion people on this planet. The entire source of their power is their ability to corrupt natural instincts and direct the subconscious needs thus created into channels of expression that further the ends of complete control. This is all they have. And once this principle is understood by more people, it will cease to be effective. Our world will change spontaneously around us and we will be free to love one another in the way we always intended.


There are several basic ways in which people who want to can begin to change our world.  

Firstly, start to learn about the power of unconditional love. Unconditional love is a real source of healing and actually the most powerful force in existence. When this force begins to become powerful within you, you will find everything else in your life becoming aligned in its wake...


...Thirdly, undertake charitable acts. There are always people less fortunate than ourselves and they require our help. The homeless and those addicted to hard drugs in particular are victims of the elite's inhuman strategy for world domination.


And, finally, start trying to deal with pain that is repressed within. It is this which causes us to alter our behavior and thinking to suit the elite's purpose. In fact, the elite believe that all their power is ultimately derived from the repression of emotions.


The incredible tragedy unfolding in our world is ultimately just the result of millions of personal tragedies that have occurred in our childhood. While we can never reverse what has happened, therapy can help us access our original pain and stop it from controlling our thinking and behavior. In addition, therapy can help us to stop suppressing feelings and actions we believe are unacceptable in our belief that we need to create a persona. As Jung showed, every emotion we suppress in the belief that we must present only a fragment of our total being to the world continues to exist in our subconscious as part of the "shadow" - the counterpart to the persona. And here all these repressed natural emotions keep us locked in a world of fear and loathing. Remember, there is nothing that we can do that is unnatural, all emotions can be safely accessed and expressed, in therapy, leaving us free from unnatural needs.


The gentle exploration of the subconscious mind, in such a manner that we can slowly process its contents and express the pain held within, leads to immense natural healing at a very deep level, not just for ourselves but for the planet we inhabit. These days there are a multiplicity of techniques that can be employed to allow us to explore our subconscious mind, to overcome fear, release trapped pain, and come to terms with childhood memories. These include psychosynthesis, gestalt therapy, rebirthing, primal therapy, psychodrama, Reiki, transactional analysis, and pulsing - to name but a few.


A stress-filled life spent adopting avoidance strategies can be avoided if one takes steps to progressively uncover any memories repressed within us and express the associated emotions. This can be done via therapy or by seeking out peak experiences. All ancient cultures utilized means of releasing the individual from the effects of repression. Some would do this by entering into altered states of consciousness achieved through ritual, the non-ordinary state permitting emotional release to occur on a level not possible in normal awareness. Other cultures would have regular festivals where participants would act out character roles, sometimes with the aid of masks or costume, allowing people to escape sufficiently from their repressed self to release the emotions trapped within. In Greek mythology, the god Dionysus tells Man that he must regularly engage in similar activities or else madness and destruction will descend. It was to the releasing of the effects of trauma and conditioning that he was referring.

Evolution of the Species

Increasing numbers of people believe that humanity is on the edge of a major evolutionary leap. And there is mounting evidence that many children born now are more developed than those before them. This may be the reason for the near epidemic in cases of hyperactivity or attention deficit disorder now being diagnosed in the West.


Those familiar with chaos theory and how living systems evolve will be aware that evolution does not proceed in a smooth and linear fashion. What typically happens is that a few members of a species evolve, followed by a major rearguard action thrown up by nature. Eventually the pressure builds up to such a level that nothing can stop the inevitable and the whole species rapidly rises to a new level of coherence and order. In the ancient writings of the East whence the elite derive their esoteric knowledge, it is believed that the ego, the sense of self, is ultimately just a defensive response we develop to block the experience of primordial fear. And thus it may be that the centuries of the elite's culture, the culture of the ego, is merely a natural rearguard action waiting to be swept away. Reach up and the future is ours."



On another note, I was in the Co-op standing in the check out line. There was a young teen female with her younger brother of 4 or 5 yrs. old. They were having a squabble and I came up to them as he was hitting her knees as she lifted each one up. She finally told him to stop, but I could see he was angered. Then when they got to the cashier, she asked her brother if he wanted a sticker (they give out free kids stickers). When he said yes, she told him he had to ask the cashier, and immediately picked him up in an awkward position. He was not happy about this and wiggled his way down. I could see he was not pleased with having his sister handling him, either pulling him where she wanted him to go or picking him up or talking down to him. When she tried to move him again, he turned and hit her again. This is what I have been talking about in regards to how adults treat children, but this reminded me to also speak about how older siblings do this as well. I could see that the boy wanted to be treated like a human being, not lifted off the ground or talked too like he was a baby; and she wondered why he was hitting her. I got a very strong impression that he has been putting up with this for some time and because he is not respected, he has resorted to hitting.


While I don't condone hitting, I can understand why he is doing it. Someone his size gets exasperated after awhile and it wouldn't surprise me if his parents get on him for hitting his sister, while the real issue of his sister's disrespectful behavior towards him is ignored or minimized. Such is the predicament of being small in the world. If the sister were to suddenly have the parent come up behind her and pick her up to the cashier, she would feel really embarrassed and angry (fear) at having her autonomy taken away from her. Something to think about when you are out in the world and you begin to see children being corrected and controlled. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself if you would like to be treated that way, it will open doors into awareness you hadn't thought about. This is also true of older brothers with younger sisters or sister/sister or brother/brother as well.


Good night,



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