Back        Home



May 2006



5-25-06 -

Good morning! It's been awhile, lots going on internally and externally, a cleansing of what no longer works for me energetically or other wise. Just a short post before I am off to work. Something I was reading this morning, the gist of an important realization for all of us, as we see so much dysfunction going on in the world. It's important to understand that some of us fear the dark. At the same time, it is important to focus on the fact that the dark fears the light. This is essential to grasp, for when you realize that the dark fears the light, then you have shifted your awareness. Know that nothing can harm you when you are in love. This is an energetic context I am talking about here. Fear shuts down our energy, and does so when we are past or future oriented. Be clear about this, it is your thinking that takes you to past or future mindsets. When you are not present in the now, then fear is present. By re-training your mind to stay centered, calm, with little or no thoughts (especially negative ones), then you are balanced and the dark cannot harm you. Letting go is essential in every moment, it is the one thing that will be your savings grace in situations that might be uncomfortable or unbearable. I cannot over emphasize this enough; letting go is paramount to peace of mind and unconditional love. It may seem ridicules when one is in difficulty, but I can assure you from my own difficult path, that it has been the only thing that has been my savings grace. Your ego will make it a point to dismiss this, because it does not want you to let go, for in letting go, it is powerless to manipulate your consciousness.

Time to go, will write more later.




5-29-06 - 

It's a bit after midnight PST, having just finished some laundry. While waiting at the laundromat, I was reading "The Web That Has No Weaver: Understanding Chinese Medicine," for a independent learning contract I'm doing. I have had to overcome a part of myself that has consistently avoided doing the reading. I have had a lot of inner shifts going on from journeying, body work, and sinking into my own being. Doors continue to open and whole rooms and vistas open on a regular basis, and with that some incredible realizations and letting go. So, tonight was one of those times when I was forced to do the reading, since I have till 6/15 to complete the paper. I was in the part of the book that discusses the organs and what their functions are according to Chinese medicine. The Chinese system is an integrated concept of wholeness, unlike Western medicine that sees everything as parts to be dissected down to the molecular level. I have also been taking an anatomy & physiology class this quarter as well. So, it was no surprise that I have not read anything since before this anatomy class started. As I read about the Chinese view on organs, I was able to bring what I know about anatomy into play, along with my own wisdom on body, mind, and spirit. There is something to their system, and I have this very strong sense that there is more this than meets the eye. My sense of Chinese medicine is that it is just the tip of something much larger and contextual to energetics in ways that will make nuclear energy outdated.

On a spiritual level this makes perfect sense, given the immensity of spirit. I say this out of my own experiences in anatomy class with the readings and being able to see some organs up front that were dissected; specifically the heart. I have been blown away by the incredible engineering/creation of the entire human body. And I am not putting the human body on a pedestal either, for the rest of Nature is just as profound. As I have read the text it has opened doors into my own awareness of my own body and how it functions and what it needs to thrive. I would recommend to anyone to read a good book on anatomy. Why? Because it has moved me into a whole new way of looking at the body, as well as spirit. One particular lecture delved into the functioning of the nervous system, which includes the brain. The teacher was discussing how we don't feel pain at the actual site, rather the brain feels it and then projects pain out to the affected area, so as to get our attention to what is occurring at that locale. Back in 1997, I'd had a perceptions class and it opened up a door for me on how we don't actually have a direct experience of our senses; none of them. Most of our technology is based on trying to do Nature one step better, but the truth is a video cam will never be as good as our eyes, nor will a microphone excel the ears or any of the other organs or systems within the body. Think about how all we are capable of experiencing is organic, meaning it is living essence. There are aspects to this living essence that for me border on consciousness itself. I've had experiences of awareness of my cellular level and realized that they are alive as I am; my spirit that is.

In one recent lab we got to see a lamb's heart dissected. I was literally just dumb struck with how the heart was made, how it operates, what it does, and the way it has redundancy built into it. Every component in our bodies has backups to it. At some point it dawned on me how this body, this living organism, is sort of akin to a space suit. Our body filters our air, takes in food to ensure the operation of all the systems. We systems in place to protect the body from outside dis-ease, systems to heal, systems to circulate all the nutrients essential for the body to function; for us as a soul to be present in this body. There are functions in the body that actually act on their own without any communications from the brain. The veins in our legs pump the blood back to the heart by the muscles in the leg surrounding them squeezing them. I could go on and on about this, but my point is it has made me realize that we are not our bodies. In essence, the body allows us an entry portal into this dimension to experience matter. Most of us experience our existence based on external contexts, while the deeper inner experience is basically ignored, shut out, or blocked. That is not to say the external is unimportant, but it is not first in line in regards to importance; anymore than realizing without oxygen the body wouldn't function, it is tops on the list, with nutrients second on the list and so on and so forth. Ironically, as a whole system, each part is ultimately dependent on the other. Try not going to the bathroom or not eating or not sleeping for starters. If certain cells don't function, the body can and will shut down temporarily or permanently.

I have been left wondering about many things lately. And so, it comes back to Chinese medicine and how they look at the organs, meridians, chi, and a host of other aspects that are all interconnected, inter-related, and in relationships with all of it; both internal and external. Tonight's chapter was on the organs; internal and external (doesn't mean outside the body). Ironically, kidneys are relied upon by all the other organs. In addition, properly functioning kidneys move us into understanding, accepting, and letting go to wisdom. Their perspective on wisdom is based on the knowable and the unknowable, and being comfortable with both aspects. This is what motivated me to write tonight, especially as late as it is. But, I digress, because this is important. Wisdom requires a letting go of the ego, which is that aspect that is stuck in past/future mode due to early trauma; and we have all been traumatized in varied forms/areas. My own experience of late has been a letting go, and acceptance of what is, and not what I would like it to be based on past/future intellectualizations. When we are traumatized, (dysfunction) our functioning ceases to be integrated, and shifts into being in that area of our consciousness where we do our creative visualization. In normal mode, we access this, then move what we have visualized out into the external world to create it. In dysfunction mode, we stay in this creative space regularly; one could say it is a fantasy world. Since we are in dysfunction mode, we stay in this space replaying old tapes, and upon them creating infinite futuristic scenarios that could occur. This is the basis of the insanity going on in the world. We are unable to get out of our heads to be aware of what is being acted out in the external world on our fellow humans, to Nature, and ultimately to ourselves. We are unable to be present to notice the danger signs. We have turned off the alarm systems that let us know we are not functioning.

What I am getting at here, has to do with wisdom, and letting in the realization that we are not present and we are not present because we keep fantasizing what we would like it to be or what we don't want it to be. Tied up in these two fantasies is the unknowable; the need to know. There is this idea that if we know, then we can feel safe. But, the irony of this is there is no security in fantasizing. Wisdom brings us to the realization that some things have to be unknown, are supposed to be unknown. My own examples unfolded as I was ready to embrace certain elements of my destiny. This started out with joining the Army. Had I known what that was going to be about before hand, how callous and cold it would be, how physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually taxing it was going to be. I would not have gone if I had known that, and yet, if I had not gone, I would not have learned what the invaluable lessons, skills, and attributes that allowed me to go through the difficult challenge of waking up in this insane society to who I am. The same can be said about past relationships I had with people. The hurt was inevitable given the lack of wisdom, lack of awareness, and lack of authentic self. Ironically all those hurts forced an awakening within myself that allowed me to reconnect with my inner spirit at levels I'd never even thought possible. And I continue to be led into the deeper unknowns, with more questions than I have answers. And within the last couple of months, there has been this inner acceptance of what is, of the things I cannot change externally.

As I write this the realization hits me that my disappointments over external forces comes from my childhood and early adulthood years. We come into this world and we are at the beck and call of our parents; prisoners really to their ideology. While this may seem absurd, one only has to realize that each of us is our own divine light, with our own inner seed of unfoldment into areas only our soul knows. And yet, even the best of parents can have their own biases; and a bias can be what they like; it may not be what you like, but you like it because our cultural software is wired for us to fit in, to mimic those who are our providers our keepers. We grow up disappointed because we did not follow our own destiny that was calling to us. And those who read this may think this is ridiculous, yet I will tell you that our consciousness within an insane society (dysfunctional) has aspects that we are unconscious too; it's been said that we don't know that we don't know. I can say this has been true to myself and it continues to unfold on a regular basis for me. The realizations don't stop, not if you want to continue waking up and become more conscious, to gain awareness of one's soul; one's true self. Yet, this fear of the unknown drives us to control and force external events and people to fit into the fantasy that we created in our inner creative visualization center. This drive so many people and it is based in fear; fear of being hurt; fear of not being good enough; fear of being abandoned (alone); fear of not getting what we want.

All dysfunction is based on these four fantasy constructs and they are the cause of all suffering and insanity. Ironically, it took me awhile to get the awareness that I had no control over externals; none. Sure, I could pretend, follow the rules of engagement, play the games; we all know what they are if we are willing too. But, the the external world is a game that was created by traumatized people, who in getting their needs met, traumatized others. Needs based in fear cannot be satisfied; ever. No amount of money or power can ever fill that empty space that only authentic self can fill. That empty space is waiting for us to be present within it. The ego was engaged along time ago when we were children. As I write this, I am reminded of the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden. I see it as a metaphor of when we were children. When we look back into our pasts, we were innocent, naive, and gullible. We listened or were forced to listen to the external world to tell us who we were and what we could do. We were told what was good and what was bad. Ironically, the world is dysfunctional, anchored in fear, shame, and guilt, which ultimately evicted us from Eden. Eden is where one is when their authentic self is present. We enter that Garden again when we stop listening to externals. When one becomes aware, then one starts becoming conscious. Awareness does not allow you to cheat, steal, lie, manipulate, hurt, kill, or injure another; that is the realm of ego (fear).

You are a seed that knows exactly how to unfold if you just let go enough to allow those inner feelings to arise. If you follow egos rules it won't happen; let go of the need to know, more so when it becomes obsessive. I personally don't think religion is interested in our highest good, nor are they wanting us to be conscious, nor do they want us to have access to our own inner sacred sanctuary or spirit. And religion has been dysfunctional and insane for sometime. Politics are the same way, filled with the same dysfunctions as religion has. The two have been in bed together for a long time filling the world with fear. The time approaches for an incredible transformation of consciousness, of moving out of the darkness into the light, and those that do not teach you how to find your authentic self are of the dark or in the dark.  Fear, guilt, and shame are tools to disconnect you from your authentic self. Do not put a book or person on a pedestal. Do not give your power of being away to another. Your own answers are within your own self, and they have always been there because that is where spirit is. We are not this body we inhabit, though the body is divine in and of itself as are all things, and therefore it makes sense that we must then be spirit. That one realization must begin a journey of awareness into clearing a way to the door to find our way back to the Garden within. You are not your job, your income, your political party, your gender or any other label. When you begin to realize this, you will move forward sufficiently to let go to who you really are, which is not an external aspect.


Back        Home