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May 2007



5-06-07 - 6:02pm - 


A friend sent me a copy of this article called "A Global Democratic Movement Is About to Pop". I was reminded that there is a lot of power in smaller organizations and as such, have a great deal of clout when grouped together collectively and are already undermining the goliaths that are literally negating life.


Life as we know it is not life, is not living, is not joyful, is based on short term gratification, and control, and clinging to sameness and external cues of self-worth. This is not the essence of our soul self, nor is it acceptable for being; perhaps for living, but not being. And what is living? I have been watching the masses wherever I go for a number of years, and have been astounded at how many people are catatonic, asleep, unfeeling, out of touch, and living in fear. We are a nation of people who have been forced into a habit/pattern of looking only at the negative/fear based things that occur in the world. With this negating fixation, is it any wonder that we have been creating a living hell on Earth? Earth is heaven is supposed to be a veritable Garden Of Eden, but it has been despoiled by a great dark force that has crippled the masses and bred trauma into the birthing process and early years of upbringing to disconnect the young to mature physically minus any spiritual maturation. By spiritual maturation, I mean being able to maintain  and transform our spiritual form into the body and out into the world, spreading light, joy, ecstasy, and compassion amongst all living forms.


It is extremely important to understand the creative process/force that flows from within. If this can be plugged, sort of like a huge dam, then an entire culture(s) can be manipulated into submission, enslaved to do the bidding of a small group of individuals/beings. Beings of light (unconditional loving souls), do not make it a practice to harm another in any form or manner. This is not part of the mandate of unconditional love, nor has it ever been. Dark souls have a mandate of harming others, because they know they cannot control those who are connected to the divine source of unconditional love. However, those who live in the dark, having been from the light at some point, figured out a way to manipulate the physical form, causing psychological trauma, that causes a fracture in the divine connection, to alter a persons consciousness significantly as to allow them to be conditioned/patterned into a veritable straight jacket that affects the body and mind. The irony of this process is that eventually we forget our divine connection and we come to a point of being unconscious; and we don't know that we don't know. This last piece should be indicative of the need to begin exploring who we think we are. This "thinking" process should begin to move into a feeling process, of getting out of the head and into exploring our feelings. This will begin a process of reclaiming our divine connection and the light, joy, ecstasy, and compassion that is our guiding principle of existence, which permeates our incredible power as creator beings.


Creation is a power that can be used in either the light or the dark. How we use this power is indicative of our awareness and connection to our own heart centers. If one looks at the rich and powerful today, you will have to start realizing that they only have that power and money because everyone is buying into the rules of the game they have been selectively manipulating the masses with for a long, long time. Power over others is not true power, it is an external force that comes from having created the illusion of fear into human being upon their birth and as they continue to grow. By the time they are adult, they have been straight-jacketed and imprisoned into fear thinking and acting. Fear is conditioning of the mind, and shame and guilt are also used to induce the fear. Violence and or the threat of it is also used to form obedience. 


This process then makes each individual a self-policing being that acts in pre-programmed ways in obeying those in power. This is the only reason a small group of individuals are empowered. It is such a simple process with humungous implications. Once fear is induced, then the reasoning functions take over, with culturally enforced rules of behavior and thinking having been rigidly locked into place. Yes, there are always those exceptions, but in general, one can see that a significant number of human beings are totally unconscious to their powerlessness. In effect, we have been conditioned to not use our power. As children we were too small and too dependent to continue listening to our inner authentic self. So, the higher aspect of our self, lowered a veil, so as to allow us to go unconscious in order to endure the enculturation process of being powerless.


The whole dysfunctional system we live in is indicative of the innate struggle that comes from being disconnected from our inner power to having to get our power from others. Once this inner process has been stifled, it starts an external process of getting power. Once you lose your inner connection, you have forgotten your own divine essence, your own divine goodness, your own self-love. We have been taught by religions that we are born into sin and that is a lie. Perhaps we are born into ignorance, of being forced to forget our divine self, but we are never sinful, nor do we need to be ashamed or guilty of who we are. Perhaps we need to become conscious, but we do not need to live in squalor, whether that be physical, mental, sexual, or financial, in order to earn the right to go to heaven. Heaven is not a physical place, it is a spiritual essence that one accesses internally and one accesses this through becoming conscious, of letting go of dysfunctional patterns that were meant to deny you access to this divine birth right in the first place. 


Any religious or political organization operated by individuals who say otherwise, has an agenda of controlling others for their own selfish dark reasons. What we are seeing in the world today is the unveiling of the dark agenda that has fed off the pain, suffering, and hard work of the many, who are unwilling slaves to these so called democratic or caring leaders who have our best interests at heart. One must begin to start paying attention to the actions of these people, for their words are empty of any meaning.. Part of why it is so difficult for the unconscious to realize, is because our conditioning as children included substantial conditioning on blind obedience; don't do as do, do as I say. Contemplating on this may offer some far reaching implications as to why we do what we do, with whom we do it with, and hopefully realizing what we get negatively or positively out of it for our security. Helen Keller has this very insightful quote that fits nicely here:


"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. It is either a daring adventure or nothing at all." - Helen Keller


"People do not like to think. If one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant."

        - Helen Keller 

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart."  - Helen Keller


5/07/07 - 5:23pm


An excellent article: "You Are Not Your Mind" by Eckhart Tolle.


What an incredible day, 71º F, sunny, occasional clouds, and I decided to take the day off, after working all day Saturday. I'm finding myself opening up more, letting go, and just being in the world. I have lost most of who I used to be, and seem to find myself living more present and in the moments, which I find very enjoyable, since I no longer buy into external cues for my existence. There is a lot to be said about freedom from existing on others beliefs, attitudes, and actions. I have been moving away from people who I'd been friends with, as I came to realize they were more in alignment with old patterns similar to my parents and the mindsets of those who surrounded me in my community. I have to say it has been an interesting journey in remembering the suppressed feelings of those early years and the subsequent ones that followed, and how they molded me into fitting the images of external people. I am always amazed as I peel more layers away to find more of the person I was. I find that moving into pleasing myself first and foremost has benefited me in learning to take care of myself first, so as to not over extend myself by taking care of others needs first. Essentially, each of us is more than capable of caring for ourselves, and this is not a selfish act as we have been told. Reacting to others issues is not our problem, and that is not to say we don't help, it just means we learn discernment as to what the other is asking us to do, and this comes from experience and paying attention.


What I used to "think" I needed, was really about being attracted to old dysfunctional patterns that were pulling me into engagements, so I could become conscious of what was not working for me, of becoming aware of what was being suppressed by re-creating familiar situations. I am thankful for those who danced with me and am humbled at how the divine finds similarly wounded others to awaken us to our authentic self, if we so choose to see the writing on the walls. I chose, but some have not, and that is all right, because it takes time to wear down the ego enough for the wounds to become apparent. In hindsight, I would probably have walked away a lot sooner and walked a different path, and found others who were more authentic. I have learned to avoid particular people who are vexing to the spirit and I no longer need to avoid them, they just don't show up in my life. When we open ourselves up to higher aspects of self and spirit, we are transported, metaphorically speaking, into another realm of reality, where we find others who resonate with our newly found openness. Sometimes this takes awhile, sometimes there is a state of being in limbo or no man's/woman's land, and this is an important and essential stage, because we are needing the time and space to know ourselves, our pain, our suffering, our sorrow, our sadness, our fear, so that we might make room for all that is love and abundance.


When we have spent most of our time faking it, pretending to be someone we are not, going against our authentic divine nature, and suppressing the very essence of our existence, then there is bound to be some mourning to do, some fessing up, of being honest with ourselves, and to reclaim our divine nature our divine power, our divine creativity, our divine sexuality (all of it, not just the parts we are comfortable with), and our divine gifts. This happens when we are ready and not a minute sooner. Being ready is not an ego state of mind where we just say, "OK, I'm ready." It arises from the deeper self, when it knows that we can withstand a cracking of the facades. This transformation process has stages where we go from extreme lows, to extreme highs, and when we finally begin to release the waters suppressed behind the dams we have unconsciously created, then we move towards the ever sensitive balancing, flexible flowing essence of our being. Note that I used verbs, because that is our true nature. We are not static concrete beings; that is what culture has made us into for un-altruistic "reasons."


We have been conditioned to think all the time. There is no time for not thinking, because the entire structure of ego is to keep us distracted from going inside and finding authentic self. So, thinking has to be ongoing or else the jig is up. I am always fascinated by those who share about trying meditation for the first time. They are inundated with how mind boggling the thoughts that bombard their awareness. Unfortunately they stop too soon, and this is not the authentic self's choice, but arises from our identifying with the ego thoughts that tell us, "this is too much to deal with," or "this is boring," or "I don't have time for this" or "this isn't working." These responses are all meant to distract you from spending the necessary time to retrain the ego mind to literally shut up enough to begin to realize there is a more subtle voice/knowingness that is wanting to dialogue with you. And it must be said that it takes discernment, because there can be tricksters within that will con you into thinking again. Feeling is the key here for discernment. Here is the link to how to discern: True (Higher) Guidance and False (Lower/Ego) Guidance.


Feelings have an incredible depth to them that cover the full spectrum of our existence. Thinking is a distraction, aimed at pulling us out of the now and plunging us into the past and or future; and these two things do not exist. So, why do we spend so much time there? Don't ask, its not important, it's a rhetorical question and not worth wasting time on. What is important is having that inner connection to higher self that will guide you to what will keep you in alignment with your highest good. And it is important to note that our highest good requires us to be completely honest with ourselves in order to retain our integrity and awareness. When we don't do this and we sell out, we lose our awareness to a certain degree. Sometimes, people have profound awakenings, but if their ego is still in place, it can create a knee jerk reaction that takes all that energy freed up from the awakening to be used to suppress the authentic self doubly so. Here's an excellent article on this phenomena, Using Psychedelics Safely.


The other day I was lamenting on how this split within causes us to act in dysfunctional ways. As I thought about this, I recalled the movie, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931 film). We are often like this in varied ways in our behaviors. Which also reminds me about wanting to share how I have noticed that what comes out at the movies, tends to be a precursor of where we are headed, as if somehow, those who create these movies have some creative connection that births particular movies that bring us a concept or an idea that needs to become conscious in the minds of the masses; food for thought. Don't think to much on it, rather feel it out, what does your gut tell you or your chest area. Start spending some time noticing what goes on in these areas, for they are rich in awareness of what you need to know to wake up more.

With that said, its time to finish off my ice cream before it turns into a soup. 


5/07/07 - 8:47pm


“You can only be controlled to the degree with which you want something, or don’t want something.”   

        -Lynn Paterson


I went to the YMCA after work, and as I walked from the truck to the building, I had to pass by the back of another building. I caught some movement in an upper window, and noticed what looked like two pigeons together up against the window pane, with these two plastic 5 gallon containers touching side by side, just behind the pigeons. On further observation, I realized that it was one pigeon, with one of its wings up against the window. At this point, it dawned on me that somehow, it had fallen or gone down the narrow space between the two buckets and got trapped. I watched it for about ten minutes, as it was finally able to pull its wing back in and turn around some, and began to leap up, hoping to get out. All of this was futile of course, and then I saw movement a couple of windows over to the right. There was another pigeon in the other room, trapped in the room, having lost its way, from its original entrance from outside. While all this is going on, I notice other pigeons outside the building. I see one on the very top of a chimney, just perched there observing the view. Further down, I see a male pigeon doing its silly dance, trying to get a female to be interested in him, of which she got bored with, and flew down the ground. I have witnessed this mating dance in the past with pigeons, and the males can be down right bothersome, following the female of interest, everywhere she flies. So, I'm watching all this, and I realize that the other pigeons outside are oblivious to the two trapped pigeons, one more so than the other. I can see that the one stuck in the narrow space is not going to live long, is not going to get out unless someone moves the pails out of the way, but that is not going to happen, since the building is not in use.


I had this epiphany of how similar this is to life. I had this video collage in my mind's eye, of all these beings on this planet, who are oblivious to all the others who are in pain or suffering, in joy or ecstasy, poor or rich, trapped or injured, or some other dance of life. All the while each individual who is caught up in their little drama, has no idea of the other. What of the youth who has run away from an abusive home and living in the street? People think they are just irresponsible, but who is responsible for the abuse or the continuation of the abuse? Humans have this selective attention, which comes from not wanting to see what is really going on, which is really indicative of what they really don't want to see going on within their own selves. Here's this one male pigeon trying to get laid, while one of his brother's is trapped and facing his death. We are like those pigeons. If one looks about the world in their environment, there are all sorts of mini dramas, someone trying to get some sex, or some drugs, or some food. Other's wanting clothes or a party or to go out dancing. Some are at home thinking of offing themselves, because like the pigeon, can't see any way out of their predicament. There's the kid who goes swimming at the pond and winds up drowning, with no one around to rescue him. Then there's the elderly, who from sitting around watching TV and getting no exercise, gets wobbly on their feet and falls when they go to get up, breaking a hip, and there's no one around to come help them. I am reminded of a line in a Journey song, "only the lonely," and it makes me think of the obsessive nature we have, being disconnected from our inner spiritual connection, of trying to fill that disconnection with people, places, things, money, drugs, sex, and endless escapades meant to keep us distracted, so as to not find the way back to get connected again. We are like the trapped pigeon, who just accepts its fate, of which I noted when I left the YMCA, that it had resigned itself to its predicament, and was just sitting there resting, looking out the window.


What would one of us do in those situations? Some would become very creative, some would give up, and some would lose their minds. What is it that defines the choices one makes that defines outcomes? Much of what we do is based on our conditioning and how much response-ability we were allowed to retain as we grew up. Yet, I think there is more to this as well.


Something else arose in my consciousness yesterday, having to do with someone I know, who had a baby, and the mother had to have drugs to ease the pain.  A bit after the birth, the baby stopped breathing. I made a comment about sucking up the pain, rather than doing drugs, which go through the umbilical cord. The ruckus that this caused was quite interesting, and I was told that I had no idea what it was like. I disagreed then, and I still disagree. Especially so, while being at Rialto Beach, and empathically feeling another persons pain and suffering as they walked nearby where I was. The pain was so unbelievable, that my knees buckled and I began to cry. So, don't tell me we can't know another's pain. We are all hardwired for this, and the only thing that prevents us from tapping into it, is our being dysfunctional and shut down, as the many are. 


I was talking to the woman artist downstairs from my art studio yesterday, and this came up about others pain. It occurred to me that we so identify with the physical pain, because we are not in touch consciously with our emotional and mental pain. We have all these people who are in pain, and each one wanting to validate their pain as more painful, all the while they pop pills, get a needle in the ass or arm. When we begin to look at and feel all that we are suppressing in our insane way of living, we will have run into a wall that will probably break our nose, maybe turn us into a pancake if we hit the wall hard enough. While I am sure giving birth is painful, I don't see anyone offing themselves because the pain is too much. So, obviously, those who are willing to blow their brains out or jump off a building or step out in front of a car or drink or drug themselves to death, must be in a pain that is so unbearable that they actually take steps to eradicate their existence. Having a broken bone is painful, as is having your teeth drilled with no drugs, and back pain can be excruciating as well, along with many other health related problems. But, you never see anyone commit suicide over them do you? 


We have become weak minded, with no spirit connection and we have become addicted to finding the easy short term out for our dilemmas, instead of seeking to understand the root of the problem. The many get caught up in fantasy short on reality, but high on delusion, and wind up being like the pigeon trapped, only we are trapped in the confines of a sticky egoic mechanism mental masturbation, of which the ego is good at. The ego is like cable TV with hundreds of thousands of channels of which it previews for us when we get tired of watching. There's always another channel that changes, with the ego knowing what will distract us. And we keep watching the cultural software program of the day, and the endless mindless cultural mantras entrap us. It's a drug that we have been conditioned to watch, only it occurs without needing a TV to watch, it occurs in our heads daily. We think we are thinking, but we aren't, we are just watching, just acting out what is being presented to us, as if it is us; it's not. It is time to begin paying attention to what your mind is presenting to you. Begin to question what is being shown to you on the TV. Begin to question who you are, because it is not what you have been conditioned to believe. If you get out of your head and get back into feeling again, you will begin to realize how you have been manipulated in ways that will blow your mind. Literally...


Today I was out trimming weeds with a trimmer, and this big crow dropped down not more than six feet from me. Crows do not do that, especially so when their is loud noisy equipment being used. It turned the trimmer off, and made myself really still. I was awed by this, and I watched as the crow actually jumped closer, but then went back, but then jumped back towards me, as if it wanted something or was trying to tell me something. Then it flew off to a nearby telephone line. I stood there watching the crow and was trying to understand what the message was. I have a lot of interactions with birds and they do some very interesting things that I have never seen before, but this took the top of the list. When I finished up the job I was doing, I hopped in the truck and headed over the Co-op, and ran into someone I knew. We talked a long time, they were in a lot of pain, and I could see how they were energetically all scrunched in. I spent an hour talking to them, listening to what was going on, and gently trying to get her to make some much needed connections to some deeper root of the problem. Towards the end of our conversation, a crow flew by over head, and I suddenly realized that was what the crow's message was about, of this person in need.


I am beginning to have this happen a lot, and some cannot be talked about, just because of circumstances, and the way things are sticky with people you know, and being in the middle, and that is the best I can describe it.  Being a healer moves out from the ego and into the realm of the heart, where I have been allowing spirit to guide me to who needs assistance. I am realizing that all this work I have been doing to let go, as started to open into a very large space of acceptance of what is, and of realizing that my authentic self is intact and functioning like it used to do when I was a child. Being conscious is not about knowing everything, it is about being in touch with your own authentic self, its about knowing your divine connection, of being in touch with whatever is needed in any given moment. It is about not being entrapped in limiting beliefs and sticky patterns that enmesh you with others and the world of delusion. I can see that there are other realities right here on this planet, with each person being stuck in some dysfunctional software that has them caught up in the throes of the past or future, but rarely being in the now regularly if at all. Most are caught up in the mind, with all these delusions that have no bearing in the now at all. I am reminded of those sci-fi zombie movies, and there is a cultural truth to those movies, of trying to get people to be aware of how this exists in our own back yard, right here, right now.


This is why the world is the way it is, for we are unconscious of what is going on. We are living out an existence that is void of now. The closest thing we have come to this rat race coming to a screeching halt, was after 9/11 when everything came to a stand still. There was a halt to the loud noisy jets overhead coming in constantly to land at nearby airports. I don't think the masses have been that close to the now in a long, long, long time. Living in the now is vastly different than past or future tripping. The rewards are that there are no delusions. You see what is really there, you hear what is really there, you no longer attract others who are past/future tripping. You begin to feel more and think less, which arises awareness of the intuitive process of knowing. I have been having some interesting experience with this knowingness, and I am beginning to strongly suspect that there is a phenomenal language of feelings that the vast majority are clueless about. I suspect this language is so complex that it will make speech look like nothing. I suspect that it is related to telepathy in a way that I don't have words for, nor enough experiences to validate it. I have had a couple of telepathic experiences with animals; a deer and an owl. I have had a couple of empathic experiences; one with a female, the other a male. When I meditate, I have inner guides that communicate with me through a process of clairsentience, which is not words, but an immediate knowing, as if you were suddenly downloaded with information. I have explored these experiences with my minds eye and noticed nuances, and I think there is a lot more to us than we have been led to believe.


I don't think those who are in charge want us to know, because when we do know these things, we are not controllable. We are no longer ignorant, gullible, delusional. We no longer critically think in a box. We are in touch with our intuition, our feelings, and we know when we are being lied to, manipulated, coerced. We access our inner spirit and we are empowered to create miracles. Being conscious is about being a creator being that is empowered to create miracles, to create a life of joy, bliss, ecstasy. True justice arises from this, where one connected to spirit would never harm another person. Have you noticed that the ten commandments are all about negations; thou shalt not...We are creator beings, therefore the creative act is not a negating act, it is a birthing of love, joy, ecstasy, wisdom, understanding, sharing, joining, and being in communion with others. Have you ever spent the time to ponder on how we got to be so fucked up as a culture. Our entire world is in a really really bad way. Go back in time and consider the idea of our being creator beings. If in fact we are creator beings and we are, then how did we go from creating positive outcomes to creating negative one? Some where along the way, the dark crept in and more and more people were forced into unconsciousness. There's more to the story...


5/12/07 - 10:54am


I just finished up posting some new links on male/female circumcision on my children links page. Ironically, I was puzzled why I hadn't put this info on their before. Perhaps I was avoiding something unconsciously. I suspect this strongly because as I began going to the various websites of organizations and reading the materials, I found myself getting upset. I began reading the following statement of a woman who recalled her trauma as a little girl:


"I was seven years old when I was excised. I recall the stories from women of my village who spoke of this operation as if their whole life had stopped there and then. The atrocity of their descriptions and at the same time a feeling of inescapable doom had triggered such a panic in me that when the terror-laden day came, I began to vomit. What happened then is still excruciatingly burning my flesh, so much so that I often wake up in the middle of the night screaming and calling for my mother 23."


I became physically ill, feeling my whole body shake, and feeling anger arise in me at this sort of violation. After I calmed down some, I read the next paragraph:


"Generally the victim is mutilated without anesthesia, lying on her back, legs kept wide apart by helpers or by one only lying under the young girl, her ankles being hooked in the helper's feet. To immobilize a 7 years old, you sometimes need the help of 5 persons to restrain her head, arms and legs. When the girl is a toddler, one assistant alone can manage body and thighs at the same time, while holding her in a sitting position."


Again, I had to wait for my physical reactions to calm down, and then more anger arose from my depths. I was extremely bothered by the idea of the comment of sometimes needing the help of five people to restrain the child. Imagine what is going on within that 7 yr. old girl, where it takes up to five people to restrain her. And this is an act of love? I don't think so. The same mentality of intellectual thinking occurs in our own western medical establishment, wherein a supposed doctor, who gives the oath that thou shalt not harm another, stands there strapping down an infant, or perhaps watches the infant being strapped down, and then proceeds to start cutting on highly sensitive tissue. I remember a dream I had a decade or so ago, of being held by a doctor, and of having a sense of don't touch me down there it hurts. This idea is just that, an idea that is meant to traumatize an embodied spiritual being. This process, in my estimation as well as others, causes a fracture in a normal healthy infant's soul connection, whereby through this fracture, pain is introduced to distract the child from their inner connection. This pain association is discussed in the article I posted the other day in my journal called "The Origins of Love and Violence". When this fracture occurs, all sorts of psychical connections are distorted, not to mention the tremendous shock to the feeling/emotional centers, and the spiritual connections. And I am on the wall at the moment in regards to whether this and other abuses cause the beginning of dissociation, which creates this schism in our psyches that begins the dysfunction and down fall into lower dimensions. The same can be seen/felt in healthy ecosystems that are allowed to thrive without damage by humans; in general males.


How anyone can partake in this procedure or stand and watch, is only something that can be done when a person is not whole, is not functioning, is out of touch, who has no connection to their own feelings, emotions, and spiritual connection. One does not take part in terrorizing another being, and this is terrorizing. It is the beginning of the process of breaking the will/spirit of the individual. I have been having to commute out into Ferndale where my employer is temporarily storing equipment that I have to pickup in the AM and drop off in the PM. There are a quite a few horses fenced up on various farms on the way. Last night, I had this realization surface, having to do with how the wildness in horses is broken. Here are all these horses, who will never see the wildness outside the fence, forever owned and fenced in, to be ridden, locked in a barn, and trained to obey. I am reminded of other domestic animals as well. And the irony of this is they were not always domesticated. Nor were we for that matter, and that is not to say that animals or humans need to be domesticated or trained. That is the job of the inner spirit.


Spiritually speaking, wild animals are incredible, and if you have any interest in shamanism or spirituality in general, and have a connection to animals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, or insects, and have experienced their guidance in dream time or in the world, then you will begin to understand there is a wisdom there that is beyond the typical human's limited awareness of them. I have been witness to too many situations with these wild creatures assistance in guiding me to people, places, and things. They are not like us in many ways, and they are formed physically and in other ways, that either allow them to do things we can't or vice versa, but they have had to learn to adapt differently. An example of this are birds, who not having hands, have had to learn to use their whole body via the beak and claws to do all of their nest building, hunting, or gathering. If you look at a nest, you can begin to come to the realization of how creative they can be and are. This is not some mechanical thing they do, as science would have us believe, but of a conscious life form that has had to learn to do things differently based on its abilities. All life forms are this way and we are no exception. But, this does not make us superior, and it is this sort of thinking that humans are superior that has arise out of our own trauma, our own dysfunction. We are not superior, for we are all interconnected, and as we begin to open up to who we really are, we will begin to experience directly the wonder and beauty of having a symbiotic connection to Nature, of which is spirit, just as we humans are spirit. But we are not the only thing that is spiritual and it is a traumatized society that in its damaged state, has wreaked havoc and death everywhere it has trampled.


Bees are another example of this symbiotic relationship. Without the bees, pollination does not occur, and yet we have come to believe as pollination as some biological process void of spirit; it is not void of spirit. What has occurred is this ignorance (to ignore)  of certain information in order to create delusions. It is my belief that when the soul is fractured from the divine, we begin to be manipulated by dark forces. Reason alone could allow a human being to live in harmony, but without spirit it would be empty. Yet, we don't see critical thinking occurring to bring us to the door to enter in union with spirit. Ask yourself why? Bees are having a sexual union with plants and trees. Each is interdependent on the other. They are as intelligent as we are in their own way, based on their physical abilities. Ironically, bees are in the news of late, with scientists trying to figure out why all of the bees are disappearing. We have this whole system of needing to control Nature, and the need to control is based in fear; fear is the dark, it is the force of the dark. Agribusiness has this whole process of having chosen a particular type of bee that serves their purpose, then putting them in hives, and then shipping them all over the country. Nobody seems to have the heart intelligence to realize that no living sentient being wishes to be controlled for ever. I do believe they make the conscious chose to serve us for their own development, just as we develop.


There are couple of things that people tend to overlook here. In the old days, farmers left strips of trees and growth between fields, and it is here that wild bees congregated. Farmers knew this, which is why they were left there. Agribusiness, in their greed and ignorance, saw these hedge rows as wasted space. Nature doesn't ship out bees to field to field, state to state; it just allows a natural process to occur. This natural process is frightening to unconscious humans driven by darkness. The other thing I want to share has to do with hornets. I found out last Fall, that if you take them away from their nest and move them, they die. Perhaps bees do have a parasite that is killing them off, as the media as mentioned, but for the first time in awhile, they have begun to mention that the bees have just gone off on their own. Perhaps they have assumed a parasite kills them. We humans have parasites and germs and other stuff all the time that is on us or in us, and yet if we are in balance in body, mind, and spirit, then we are not bothered by them. If we are not in balance, then we become dis-eased. It is more about an inner state than it is of the outer state. And thinking is a veritable part of the problem.


We are sexual creatures as are those in Nature. You can choose to close your eyes to this process, but the heart knows better, literally it knows, because this is where we experience the divine spirit within our own selves. I am not talking about the intellectualization of this as an idea gleaned from other books or another person. I am talking about my own direct experience of having my heart center opening physiologically a few months back, where the center opened up beyond the sides of my chest and opened up and down about a foot wide or so. I was doing a particular Qigong movement when this opening occurred. When it opened, there as this instantaneous feeling of Oneness, and I felt the divine there, and instantly I realized that this was what I had been searching for externally, looking for completion. It is this opening to the divine that is our wholeness, our completeness, our divine nature, and it is our destiny to reclaim that which was driven from us via trauma.


All of this is interconnected, for it is about separation, of a violation of our connection to spirit, our inner destiny, of which we are supposed to be able to express out into the world. Instead, there is this systematic purging going on to ensure that the inner spirit is blocked out in accordance with the ego mechanism being the border guard, effectively blocking its entrance. Our sexuality is our core being, traumatize it and you traumatize the spiritual core. Like the horses, we humans are corralled at an early age and made to go to school under the rubric of being educated. In reality we are being conditioned and trained to behave in particular ways that are about serving the masters. If we are wild, we cannot be controlled, and this wildness is often construed as a danger to society, when in fact it is the dysfunctional society builders who are the danger to human kind and Nature. We were not meant to live in the dark. Those at the top, the elite or so they think, are the darker forces, because they are the ones that feed off the lower ones in many forms. They are not interested in the light or unconditional love or sharing the wealth or sharing the process of community (to commune - to live together in harmony).


Beware - be aware - of those things that take away from another, that harm another, that negate, that destroy, that suppress, that deny the inner expression of spirit in all its intricate, unique, beautiful, joyful ways of being. If you haven't spent the time in Nature on a regular basis, then I would suggest doing so to reacquaint yourself with something you used to do at some point in your early years. I think one of the main reasons spirit keeps guiding me back to working outdoors, is because it has been teaching me about my inner Nature and that of humanities. I am no longer afraid of bees or hornets. I have healthy respect for them for sure, and in return for respecting them, they have afforded me some incredible lessons on abilities we all have. They have reminded me of things I needed some awareness of, just as other animals have taught and shown me things in the shamanic ways that are really about our interconnections with Nature. They are our friends and community members. They arrive in our lives, crossing our paths, when we need a particular message for our highest good. Pay attention to what crosses your path. There are some excellent books by Ted Andrews, that can be used for a starting point for becoming conscious of these Nature allies/friends; please be aware that they are not meant to be controlled or conquered, anymore than you would not like it.


The books:


Animal-Speak - By Ted Andrews

Animal-Wise - By Ted Andrews


In our early years we were traumatized, imprisoned, and then forced to be what others wanted us to be. In being traumatized, we re-enact our trauma, which is how we become conscious of our unconsciousness. I have thought about this process as well, and rationally we could say that we are all just traumatized. But, at some point in the critical thinking process, one has to realize that if you took civilization all the way back, at some point we would all have been functioning. However that might be, someone had to have begun this process of negating and traumatizing and moving towards dysfunction. I have some ideas about that, and perhaps at some point will go into them in more detail.


Before I go, I am continuing to read Grof's book, "Spiritual Emergency", and finding it an incredible read, helping me to make sense of my kundalini experiences, my psychedelic experiences, as well as inner transformations I have been involved with. I have also started reading their other book, Beyond Death: the gates of consciousness, and it too is an incredible book. I highly recommend them both.

Enjoy your day wherever you might be and whomever you perceive yourself to be.


5/19/07 - 8:30am -


I received this article this morning entitled "The Christian Right's Fear of Pleasure is Our Greatest Threat to Choice." The article outlines the issues pertaining to the Christian Right's vendetta on abortion rights for women. This topic touches on some really important issues that don't get discussed in mainstream media, like sexual expression as connection to spirit and the states of health & well-being that arise from healthy sexual expression. This has never really existed in western culture, because being controllable requires human beings to be asexual, for sexual pleasure can lead to the release of one's mental (intellectual) bondage to others in the form of families, communities, and government/religious organizations. Often we are made to focus on the "idea" of killing a fetus, but how does one kill spirit, for this is our true nature. One cannot kill a soul, it is simply not possible to do so, as we are eternal beings at our core. I speak from my own direct experience, so this is not coming from my intellectualizing the process of truth based on external sources. What arises from this facade of anti-abortion, is how these people avoid looking at the complete picture versus focusing on what seems on the surface to be "bad or evil or sinful" as they want us to believe.


This whole guilt, shame, fear promoting is geared towards those who are not in touch with their inner self, which is the majority of most people, in the hopes that they will be believed, and this is not so far fetched given that the majority tend to not think for themselves, but rather listen to external sources for truth. We all have our own inner connection to higher truths. We do not need another to tell us what the truth is. There might be some confusion over time as each person begins to figure out, feel out, what is really true, versus all the untruths we were programmed to believe in as children. But eventually we can and must make that inner connection to the divine to be in alignment with our higher self and what we came here to do as eternal souls.

What I find disturbing by these so called "caring and loving people", is how they say they love (actions vs. words) and yet I don't see them spending any time advocating and educating people about dysfunction, or showing the less fortunate how to wake up or become healthy in body, mind, soul, and spirit, nor do they spend any of their millions on assisting women with childcare costs or medical costs or helping these mothers with actual hands on assistance at home. Raising children is an eye opening experience, requiring a lot of energy, time, effort, patience. So, tell me how does one do all this, plus work a 40+ work week to make ends meet; and by the way most do not make ends meet, they learn to do without. And if they don't learn to do without, they are indebted to big business (corporate america), with credit debt, which enslaves them even more. How does one learn how to be functional when our educational, media, and government teach us a model of dependency?


I don't see these anti-abortion advocacy groups bothering to be there for these women who are going to have all these children, who in their dysfunction are going to be abusive towards their children, whether that be overt or covert; meaning emotional abuse versus physical abuse. And the males involved with these women are also participatory in this neglect as well. This whole vicious cycle has been going on for a long time and has been, as it is now, a process of maintaining ignorance in the population.


Sex at its basic level is about procreation, but this part is only a small part of the sexual process. Sexual pleasure was hardwired into us for obvious reasons; it feels good. Feeling good is what life is about and how odd that religion and culture dictate that sex is bad, evil, dirty, etc. Most have been taught that they were born into "Original Sin," and yet if one stops to critically think outside the box, one will find a whole lot of experiences and facts that don't jive with this ominous lie, for it is a lie of omission, omitting facts to create an illusion of original sin. Life in fact is divine and we all were born into "Original Blessing," and as eternal souls, at our core is the divine essence. What the real issue of original sin is the manufacturing of distorted information, along with a  program of dysfunctional actions towards the young designed to break their will (meaning their direct connection to the divine), so as to be controlled by the powers that be in this material world. This is not rocket science, it is pretty simple in terms of becoming conscious of the fact that most don't know that they don't know.


Peter Russell book, Waking Up In Time, offers a really good in depth discussion of this process in his free on-line book. The masses have been hijacked from their inner connection to being weaned onto the external world for their well being, but this is an untruth, because one can never fill the inner needs with external stuff. No matter how much money, food, goods, or people one tries to have, it will never ever fill the emptiness that only one's connection to divine soul/spirit can fill. The only short coming I have about Peter's book is that it does not discuss the deeper ramifications of physical, mental, sexual, spiritual abuse that is systemic in our world cultures.


As I have said before, sexuality is spirituality and spirituality is sexuality. Sexual union with another via same-sex or opposite sex partnering, creates an energy connection, that allows for the free flow of sexual-spiritual energies to enter into the body, mind, soul, spirit matrix. In functional human beings, free of guilt, shame, and fear, and having their inner connections intact, there arises a deep profound ecstasy that vibrates and hums through one's entire body. This flow of divine energy is meant to keep us open and in touch with ourselves, others, and spirit. This connection is our divine birth right. If one has this connection with the divine, they cannot be controlled. One cannot maintain this connection and be controlled by family, friends, community, church, or government. It Is Not Possible. This process is identical whether you are involved in same-sex or opposite sex unions. One can also have these experiences without a partner as well. When you begin to experience the profound connections to ecstasy, bliss, and unconditional love that arises, you will understand via direct experience that all of life and the divine are about Original Blessing, and that is all it has ever been. All the rest of the dysfunctional crud has been about cutting off humanity from its deep divine roots for reasons that have nothing to do with love. When one begins to move towards this bliss, this ecstasy, one begins to realize how badly shut down humanity is.


When this connection is denied, when children are taught to be ashamed of their bodies, of their sexual desire, when they are forbidden to express this, and suppress their inner urges, this sets up programs of patterning that blocks not only their sexual energies, but even more detrimental, it shuts down their spiritual energies. Our consciousness is supposed to be a free flow of spiritual energies consisting of creative, sexual, and spiritual forces. These energies are entwined in ways that defy logic, so one is not better than the other, but each one is capable of interacting with the others in ways that allow different aspects of expression, and there is no hierarchy of them, because together they are the source. If a hierarchy existed in would be wholeness first, with a line underneath with the other three in a circular form. This is why I have been drawn to the Tao symbol with three fish. This can be seen on my home page. When this expression of energies is sufficiently blocked, it begins to have an effect on one's consciousness.


Consciousness as an energy is complex beyond our comprehension currently. My own experiences with it and those who occupy those dimensions has left me with more questions than I have answers. And in my own experiences, I have been taught a great deal about my own energy fields and how to free the blocks that exist in all of us. These can be felt physically, physiologically, sexually, emotionally, on a feeling level, and spiritually. It is my belief at this time that the whole idea of thinking is archaic and limiting. I have been noting the depth, quality, and knowingness of feelings, and strongly suspect that the language of feelings is of such profound dimensions that we will soon begin to let go of the thinking processes towards the language of feelings. If you have ever had empathic or telepathic experiences, you will have known that communication occurred/occurs during these experiences that defy logic. They defy logic because logic is at best primitive. Logic arose when our consciousness took a dive a long time ago and without our higher connections, we lost our higher abilities to know and to commune.


In healthy functional sexual-spiritual unions, this communion with the divine is of such profound understanding and awareness of who and what we really are, that one would never go back to living in the impoverished state that most currently live in; it's just not possible to do so. The opening doesn't always occur right away or it may open up in a big way, but not occur again. It is important to understand that to the degree we are shut down, blocked, traumatized, affects the degree to which we can open and stay open. But, sexual pleasure will begin a process of teaching you to undo what was programmed into you. Guilt is an inhibitor, it is meant to stop you from acting on your inner knowing. Shame is an inhibitor meant to make you believe you are worthless to the degree the person doing the shaming wants to control you. Fear is the worst and most systemic of all in that it teaches you to totally turn against your inner connection to spirit. Fear is the inhibitor that literally shuts down our flow conscious flow of divine energies. Through fear, the entire body system can be manipulated to shut down the flow via muscle constrictions, physiological processes, and energetic processes. There are an incredible number of layers to this shutting down process that are interconnected with the others and are controlled via the ego mechanism of keeping ones focus in thinking mode.


The thinking mode is also so they same mode or space where we do our creative visualization. When we visualize what we want, we begin a process of creating what we want. When this is done consciously in functional mode, we are entering this creative visualization mode with divine interests. When this is done, we re-enter the world in feeling mode. In "being" there is no need to think habitually, since we are not needing to distract the spirit to programming meant to imprison it. This is what occurs when we live in our minds, for we are enslaved to stay in this creative visualization mode, where the ego mechanism constantly replays all the limiting programming we learned as we grew up. Imagine this as sitting in a room with a TV and every time you go to check out the open door across the room, the TV suddenly switches channels, and some program distracts you from going to check out the open door. The TV is your ego, the programs are what you were taught as children, and the doorway is accessing your inner divine being. We were never meant to live in our heads. The whole process has been perverted by those who have another agenda in denying spirit. 


The outcomes of entering into this creative visualization mode with our spirituality intact, is that we create outcomes based on our inner knowingness. We create outcomes for a world of Original Blessing, where we create positive outcomes for everyone. The other option is to deny the other so as to have power over them for our own gain, where in a group of people figured out how to pervert this system and abusing children, caused a splinter in their psyches so as to prevent them from maintaining their access to the divine. This then opens the children to be susceptible to brainwashing via the programming that they are forced to submit too. These children then grow up into controllable adults who obey the small group who dictates what life is about. This is no small task to do, it takes a great deal of persistence to create this. The people who do this are not interested in spirit, not interested in unconditional love, not interested in true justice, abundance, and compassion in the world. It is ironic when those intellectual people who bad mouth those who live in fantasy, because they are just as much in fantasy land as anyone else, if not more, for they are constantly in that mode in their head, never really seeing the external world as it is in the present, because they are constantly watching the inner TV overlaying their consciousness with programs from the past and future; all fantasy mind you because it doesn't exist.


Our sexuality is our spirituality, in that we are always sexual, and this sexuality is our core being, of which is how we are in the world. If our sexuality is broken and shut down, then our expression, our sensuality, is curtailed and becomes closed. We are not expressive, meaning we do not express our authentic self. How can one do so when one is taught to align with cultural norms of dysfunction, added to the fact that one is unconscious of this, so how can one be? Being spiritual is being divine, is expressing compassion, caring about oneself and others. In this expression, hugging, caressing, holding, kissing and being sexual by choice. Sexuality is a knowing, much like a sense, but part of the feeling modality. This feeling is about our interconnectedness with others that is a literal energetic field. How we as a being decide to interact with this interactive field is about what we choose to act on. All of life is an interactive ongoing process of making decisions on our inner connection. What we have in dysfunction mode is a programming that supercedes our divine connection to following external rules of submission and obedience.


Functional sexuality is always inclusive of our spirituality, and should we find others that are interesting, and the feelings are mutual, then  relationships occur; relating to. We have been taught this idea that friendships and relationships are two different things; they are not. Culture has defined this based on sex for the purpose of maintaining a rigid form of what sex is and isn't. In this cultural definition, sex is only procreative and hence only meant for marriage. Sexuality is spirituality, so does that mean spirituality is only meant for those who are married or even more ridiculous, only for those who are religious or of a particular chosen religion? I don't think so in either case. Being religious doesn't' make one spiritual, which is obvious to see when one looks at the external world. Relationships occur all the time and how we respond to them is indicative to our function or dysfunction. We either respond to those who are similar to our function or dysfunction.


In dysfunction mode, there is no conscious relationships occurring, because our patterns drive us and cause an attraction of similar patterns to match our dysfunction. In functional mode, we are in touch with our divine being and we make conscious choices on our inner guidance system, not cultural dysfunctional ones. In divine mode we see the divine in others and seek out others who are divine. In this mode there is no guilt, shame, fear, or conditional love. Being in touch with our sexuality, our spirituality, allows us to interact with others, and if there is a deeper connection, this functional energetic connection allows us to know if another is interested in us as we are them. If there is a desire to connect sexually, then this too is known and felt. I have experience being with another and felt a strong sexual connection, it was like static electricity in the air, but often we choose to dismiss this, especially if it doesn't conform to the rules we are taught. Just noticing what goes on in the men's rooms or locker rooms is indicative of discomfort of one's feelings; homosexual desire in check. Again, no one can be a desire, one can only experience a desire.


In functional mode, there would be no shame or guilt or fear, there would just be a natural unfolding of interest based on mutually respected boundaries, filled with appreciation of the other, compassion, sensitivity, feelings, and expressions of spirit via holding, caressing, giving the other bliss, and entering into a spiritual union that opens one up completely and surrendering into higher states of divine ecstasy. This is how we maintain our spiritual awareness on material planes. This spiritual connection is tethered via our soul upon entering the fetus in the mother's womb at some point in the pregnancy period. The body is our sacred vessel for soul to be embodied into the material plane. Our sexuality is intimately tied to the body and its energetic channels. I prefer the Hindu chakra system, but believe there is more complexity to it that has been lost. I gave a link in a prior entry about a 12 chakra center system, and I also know from my own experiences in my own body that there are minor chakras in knees, elbows, hands and feet. The meridians of acupuncture are also interconnected with this as well. These channels of energy imbue the body with life, securing it to the divine, as well as anchoring in the soul while it lives out its incarnation.


While we are incarnated, we are not privileged to the fullness of our soul and its connection to the divine. If we were to stay in that space, we could not stay in bodily form. In sexual union, either with our selves or others, we have the opportunity for reconnecting to our divine essence. This explains why upon reaching these ecstatic orgasmic states of full bodied letting go, that we become one with the Oneness. We are born into this process, it is not needing to be controlled by adults for a time when we are of the right age. This is absurd, it is similar to belief that adults know better about spiritual matters. In fact they know nothing about spirit at all, other than what they have been culturally imprisoned to believe based on external sources. When we are born, we are intact, whole, conscious beings. All of our feeling centers are up and running. We are empathically aware and telepathically aware beyond anything mainstream could even understand. Some come in with awareness of where they came from and why they are here. Most forget after a short while, just because it is so much of a shock coming into this realm and leaving the incredible divinity we existed in prior to birth.


As I said before, our sexual unions maintain a healthy open connection to the divine, clearing away all that is not divine, and allowing us to engage the world to begin creating a world worthy of the divine. In clearing away that which is not divine, we re-enter the domain of being we had at birth and in our early years. What adults do to child's sexuality and spirituality is criminal at best, and the majority of religious and governmental institutions play a large role in neutering their sexual-spiritual connections. The idea that children and teenagers need to be controlled and supervised is only a mirror of how shut down they are to their own traumatization of their own sexual-spiritual neutering. Trauma repeats itself and adults wind up repeating what was done to them to the children around them. Our culture has a lot of healing to do before they can begin to see that those children and teenagers are actually eternal souls in there, who need adults to feed them, cloth them, protect them from physical/emotional/sexual abuse, and to give them the basic understanding of the culture they are born into. But, this doesn't mean adults are supposed to force them into the cultural rules/beliefs, nor does protection mean to isolate, contain, and imprison them from the world. Protecting is currently a process of imprisoning children into cultural norms of dysfunction. Here is a poem Called Children Are... by Meiji Stewart that really touches on the essence of children as souls, of which dysfunctional adults have at their core as well.


Souls don't need adults to stifle them. A soul incarnating comes into this realm whole and functioning. What it needs to do is become conscious of the world, to understand the language, which is the foundation of the cultural system one is born into. And to be allowed to complete freedom of choice in all matters as regards to what the soul is requiring. this may seem ridiculous to many of you, but coming from a place of functionality and awareness, it is the same courtesy we would want and expect as adults. If you don't agree, then perhaps you shouldn't have children. They are not trophies to display or animals to own with collars and a leash, nor are they yours to dictate too. Kahlil Gibran touches on this:


On Children

By Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.


You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.


You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.



I've been reading "Diamond Heart: Book Four by A. H. Almaas, where he discusses how language distorts reality.  We have a word for a table, but do not really know the table as wood, nor do we know the tree that is the living essence of wood, nor do we know anything other than via words that we are taught. Almaas discusses that our knowing is mostly intellectual, that we have not let go of the words to know the direct experience of the table, of the wood, of the tree, of feeling its essence, of empathically knowing it, as we know another being without words. Yet this is how most of us operate in our cognitive understanding of the world. The young child knows the world as a living spirit, a living essence that is far beyond our mere intellectualization of it.


I have had the opportunity during some journeying to suddenly lose my cognitive knowing. I went to stand up and got light headed, and felt five energetic pulses extending outwards from the forehead, at which point, all my cognitive knowingness went off-line. I was aware of the inner being that I am, the observer, looking around, trying to make sense of what was going on. I could not identify up or down, left or right, colors, objects, sensations, or any senses. It was like having total amnesia of the external world. I was calm and puzzled at the same time. After some time of looking around my surroundings, I became aware of the carpet as carpet, and suddenly remembered I was in my studio, and then I sensed a bright light  behind me and a presence of someone. I turned quickly around to find nothing, but I felt a presence nearby. I knelt down to the floor waiting that it might present itself. This event opened me to another level of understanding. In hindsight, I understand spirit was showing me that there is another whole dimension we are unaware of and that our words are what we have conveyed onto the external world.


Out of this experience, I have begun to look at the external world without words, to just see it as it is, notice its essence, feeling out its energy on felt level of knowing. I can see that this has been occurring over time as I have awakened myself to greater levels of awareness, and explains why the world is more magical and its creatures more conscious, as more and more beauty arises as well. It explains why so many people walk around in oblivion, because they are caught up in words as truth versus experiencing truth directly minus the egoic constructs. A week or so after this event occurred, I found myself outside the YMCA, looking in at the infants and toddlers in daycare. I saw one young one sitting in one of those support seats with a tray in front, with another toddler kneeling next to the chair, with both playing with blocks. As I watched them, I saw their faces were scrunched up in concentration in trying to get their hands to work at grasping and looking at the block. My inner spirit told me they were experiencing what I had just recently experienced, only they are born into the world that way. This made perfect sense as they pointed this out. The young ones come in with no cognitive understanding, but that doesn't meant they are a blank slate, for their soul is in there intact with its knowingness. The child is having to engage the world to make sense of its surroundings, which is why they touch everything, and taste it. This is part of their needing to know and understand the world on their own terms via our cultural language cognition.


The last piece I want to touch on is the symbiotic connection between mother and child. Beyond the normal understandings we have, is my understanding that their is an empathic connection between both child and mother, that allows the child to tap into the mother to use her awareness of the world. This connection was pointed out to me by spirit and I do not have words at this time to describe what the implications or complexities are of this bond. But, it was made perfectly clear to me that the young ones are clearly their own unique divine self, having to engage a world they know nothing about. I mentioned my nephew's soul communicating with me at a month old in a prior entry. I also had a similar experience with my niece at a month old. I had dream of her one morning and in the dream we interacted and spoke. Upon awakening, I knew my niece was birthing that day and she did. A month later, I got to visit and hold her. I held her in my hands so we could look into each other's face. Her eyes were pretty cloudy energetically and every once in a while they would sort of clear up, until finally they cleared completely and opened energetically. I got a clear sense that she recognized me from dream time. If I hadn't met her there, she would not have recognized me. At that dimension, she was cognitive and was able to bring that memory with her. I'm sure some will disagree with this and have some intellectual reasoning for dismissing it. However that may be, we have the ability as spiritual beings to be aware of a great more than we currently are led to believe; and we are led mind you.


If you know what to look for in regards to energetic changes, you can begin to pickup awareness of the varied nuances that exist outside of being boxed in by intellectualizing the world and others. We are not our thoughts and we are not the external world, nor does our identity come from external sources. We are not our jobs, our vocation, our desires, our interests, our gender, our orientation or any other thing that we associate with in the material realm. In the meantime, I am continuing to read more about what Almaas writes about, because it is offering me the opportunity to have words for understanding my own ongoing mystical experiences as a spiritual being. Words can be very helpful in orienting oneself to the world and others, but the heart is essential in discerning what is reality and what is intellectual fantasy. The heart connection allows us to interact our soul with the world and to engage the world as it really is versus a world with prison walls that shuts out the magic, warmth, beauty, ecstasy, and wonder of this space, all the while allowing us to bring about the necessary changes that bring spiritual light into a world of darkness, sorrow, pain, and suffering caused from a disconnection from the inner connection to spirit.



3:00pm - 


I had this experience this afternoon at a traffic light, seeing a small group of individuals, that triggered this sudden flash of insight to a greater awareness of what our potential is as spiritual beings embodied. I don't have words for it, and the flash was like the mind opening up for just a mere fraction of an instant to give you quick feel and look and then shutting closed, leaving me with just a bare whisper of a memory, with nothing palpable to touch, other than the feeling I got; sort of like upon awakening from a dream you were just in, but can't quite recall the details, but you know the remembrance is really close near. All I know was it was huge, phenomenal, and beyond anything we could even grasp with the current level of mainstream awareness. Imagine all the darkness lifted, all the ignorance, all the pain, all the suffering, all the dis-ease, and having access to all of ones abilities and faculties and what the world would be like. Just writing about it gives my whole body goose bumps, raising the hair on my head.


This reminds me of "Das Energi" by Paul Williams, when he writes:


"We are on the verge of new age, a whole new world. Mankind's consciousness, our mutual awareness, is going to make a quantum leap. Everything will change. You will never be the same. All this will happen just as soon as you're ready...Let go of the old world and the new one will grow around you like a new skin."



This is the closest thing I can describe what I experienced in that instant. Where reality is fluid, much more so than the concrete one we have been taught, which keeps us tethered and unable to experience the fluidity of reality. Reality is not concrete and we are not what we have been conditioned to think we are. It is time to start questioning reality and everything we have been enculturated with. No stones are to be unturned, because nothing of culture is above reproach. When you finally get tired of the old, and you begin to let go to allow the rest of what you have been deny to arise, then the new world will wrap around you. You will begin to wonder at how you lived that old stifling way. In the meantime, if you are comfortable with where you are at, then that is your choice and only you are allowed to make that choice, but do remember that you do not have the right to choose for others. If you do, then expect the other to tell you how to live.

In closing, why would you turn your back on this incredible divine connection? Don't think about it, because that is most of the problem; feel it out.


5-20-07 - 2:57pm 

"Listen to know one who tells you how to love. Your love is like no other, and that is what makes it beautiful. Your self is your divinity. Express your self." - Paul Williams "Das Energi"


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