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May 2008



5.05.08 -

Another month has arrived and with it more realizations about myself, others, and the state of the world. I am amazed at what arises in my consciousness on a daily basis; information, understanding, wisdom, and more letting go. Letting go is crucial to waking up out of the insanity and it is really quite simple. I've been re-reading "Loving Relationships, " by Sondra Ray and I've been appreciating her willing to share her wisdom as it confirms my own. Each of us has access to all the wisdom and information we can handle if we would only let go; but oh how the insane manage to cling to the egoic notion of intellectual knowing.

Some things Sondra mentions:

"A note on resentment! Resentment is a decision we made with our minds and hold with our bodies that we were betrayed, when, in fact, we betrayed ourselves."


"All feelings if fully felt will lead to the feeling of love."


"Love is, finally, a happy, life-supporting energy that flows through you when you flow through it."


"Guilt is the mafia of the mind. It is a protection plan you sell yourself to avoid anticipated punishment. You figure if you punish yourself first, then God, or people, will leave you alone. (This is why guilt is always accompanied by resentment.) Since your thoughts are creative, the result of this thinking is feeling alone, alienated, and separate. You think you're warding off attack, but what you're really denying is the experience of love, joy, and aliveness. If you get really successful at guilt, you'll transcend mere emotional self-sacrifice and do yourself real bodily harm. Guilt is the ultimate bummer which serves no positive function but can add to your miseries until you reach your limit."


"Guilt is the major obstacle to success in relationships. How can you let yourself receive unconditional love when you fear the consequences? How can you surrender to love when you fear loss? How can you give yourself what you most desire when deep down you feel unworthy? So you hold yourself back, hiding the parts of yourself you judge unworthy of love, hoping to fool your partner into loving you when you're not loving yourself. This can never work. Even if the love you're seeking is given to you, you will not be able to receive it because you will have armored yourself with the judgments you've made."


"Fear of love and fear of loss are the same thing. This is why people are afraid to fall in love. If love is a fall, you might get hurt. You might give your power away to your partner, feel totally vulnerable, and then be abandoned by your source of love. No wonder people shake and tremble in the presence of overwhelming love. (These people look the same as those feeling unbearable loss.) Some people won't even let themselves approach this experience, so great is their fear of loss. They'd prefer to feel alone, maybe having numerous flings but always making sure they leave before they are left."


"People in love are not necessarily less guilty. Their fear of loss might be so great that they hold on to a relationship that no longer serves them rather than feel the torment of separation anxiety. These people are more or less frozen in their relationships. They use their relationships to protect them from their true feelings, hiding in their shelter from the storm. These relationships are doomed to failure because they are based on total resistance to experiencing fear and loss. Since what you resist persists, protective relationships perpetuate fear and loss."


I am always amazed at the layers that need to be peeled off. There's always more to clear out of the way to get to the fullness of Being whole. I am finding as the layers come off, as I learn to let go to deeper levels, that my peace of mind and serenity become greater. As I look back on my past, I can see how what Sondra wrote about was so true for me at varying levels. I was always attracted to unavailable people because I was unavailable to myself. I would invariably find people who would shame or guilt trip me because that is what occurred in my own family of origin, as well in the closed hearted Christian churches I was indoctrinated in, not to mention schools and the work environments. What a relief to be free of all that dead weight of illusions of the mind.


I have come to realize how those in my life during those years were not as wonderful as the illusion/delusion led me to believe. For the most part, the positive times didn't out weigh the negative ones. I have experienced the letting go of those who no longer resonated where spirit was taking me as I became more functional. I have experienced a lot of people in my life these past nine years leaving due to an unwillingness to wake up out of the illusions/delusions. It took me a while to stop feeling guilty about listening to my heart and spirit. But, this was the game that got played out as a boy and in my teen years, to not trust my feelings, heart, and hence spirit. I have come to a startling clear understanding as to how the many live out the idea of feelings, the idea of heart, and the idea of spirit, all in their heads, thinking they are Being. I don't miss the dysfunction, so there is no loss, only realization at my part in the dysfunctional dance that was being played out by all of us. There is no judgments because once I understood the reasons why, it was clear that all of us were playing out dysfunctional patterns.


What I am clear about is trusting my feelings, learning to dis-identify with the guilt/shame tactics that ego tries to insert into my stream of consciousness from time to time. The more present I remain, the more I am able to put an end to this absurd belief system that became habit from childhood. My parents are still caught up in this, but it is not my job to get them to see this, nor to get my friends to see this. One cannot get anyone to see anything they are unconscious to see. I am aware of what unconditional love is from experience and it is challenging to get used to it, but is our birth right to experience this since it is at the core of our Being. This is the energy flow Sondra mentioned in the above quote and it is the same flow of energy that is consciousness, of which is also the life force, creative energy, sexual energy, and what flows through the acupuncture meridians. 


This love is in everything if we can just break out of the egoic prison to experience it directly. It is really funny because this love, this energy, has never gone anywhere What has gone away is our attention, our awareness of it, to be focused in the mind, disconnected from the body and distracted from a host of other pertinent aspects necessary for Being Conscious. The more I wake up, the more amazed I am at what I am witnessing in this insane world that I was once lost in. Thankfully, there are more and more who are taking the plunge back into functioning as they were meant to as spiritual beings.




5.11.08 - Today is Mother's Day and the many are clueless about Mother Earth, as the many continue on unabated in their drive to fill the emptiness within by consuming external "stuff," to feel secure. Unfortunately, this incessant drive to fill the inner void with materialistic content or others is useless in the long run, because we cannot avoid looking at the damage we are doing to ourselves unconsciously, because this unconscious manifestation of dysfunction is creating a false reality based on these dysfunctional contexts/choices. Humans are not in balance with Nature because they are not in balance with their own inner Nature. Due to this obvious factor, we are destroying most of what we touch.


In 1998, while doing some inner journey work, spirit informed me that humanity was headed for a systems shut down. Intellectually, I understood this, but only now am I understanding the full implications of this from a body, mind, spirit perspective. Humanity is being driven by egoic forces that are based in self-hatred and they are leading us to make choices to create negative contexts that are slowly strangling the life force from our own bodies, others, and Nature as well, which is basically our umbilical cord to this planet for the continuation of life. Nature will not allow the destruction of her own Being; Period. No ifs, ands, or buts.


Those who are currently in leadership positions  are some of the worst in terms of dysfunctionality, because they are the top most of the elites who feed off of the many in search of wealth and  power to fill their own vast emptiness. Understandably so, they are not going to let go due to extensive levels of fear, with the need to control and manipulate. This is unfortunate because more and more citizens are awakening to the obvious messages all over the planet that humans and the environment are way out of balance. We the people are going to have to start making more functional choices on every aspect of how we live on this planet. Sustainability is the key, and innovation is the requirement to ensure sustainability unfolds. Each of us has within our Being an inner guidance system that sends us creative ideas and information on how to live in balance and harmony with all aspects of life on this planet. This is why it is so important to begin to question reality, to begin to question what you have been taught, what you believe, and begin tapping into the body for access to feelings that are essential for healthy, functional, sane guidance.


As I mentioned earlier, I have been interested in bees for awhile. Lately, I have been having this urge to go visit local hives and sit with the bees. I have a strong sense that there is something I need to understand from them. Ironically, today I ran across a short article that led to a website that is doing a movie on the ongoing problem with the declining vanishing bee populations. They are in need of funds to finish the movie and one can see the movie trailer, which raises serious issues that can no longer be heeded. I would encourage you to watch the video and donate/share it with others: We cannot live on intellect alone and in fact it has been the only thing that has been leading us to our current demise. Becoming conscious is the only way out of this mess.




5.13.08 - There was a recent volcanic eruption in Chaitén, Chile that caught my attention. 


I received this link from a listserv: 




5.14.08 - I crossed paths with this amazing poem today by Joyce Rupp. She touches on midlife and I am reminded of how often in our dysfunctional culture how the many tend to go into "midlife crisis," which is to say one' spirit begins to tire of wearing masks and playing the egoic game of insanity. The crisis is a call to go within and if we don't heed this call, we begin the downward spiral towards death, unaware of a direct experience of Being and that we are immortal beyond this body we identify with. If we have the willingness to see and hear, we can begin the journey of taking off the pieces that have formed the masks we wear. As we begin to awaken, we have the potential to look back and take inventory of the many different times cracks appeared in the facades we wore. One doesn't have to wait until midlife for waking up, for it can happen in any moment with the right intentions, focus, and desire to be authentic and give up the lies.



Dear Heart, Come Home


The Path of Midlife Spirituality


Thoughts from the Author…

     Midlife is more than a crisis. It is a summons to grow and a challenge to change. Midlife beckons one inward. It is a move to interiority, a passage to the deeper places where we discover our authenticity, where we realize both our limitations and our grandeur. It is here that we come home to our truest Self. We take our external experiences with us to the inside and look at our life. We evaluate our goals, hopes, dreams, beliefs, behaviors, experiences - all that has marked us and contributed to the person we have become - and we ask ourselves: "Is this the person I want to be in the future?"


the persistent voice of midlife
wooed and wailed, wept and whined,
nagged like an endless toothache,
seduced like an insistent lover,
promised a guide to protect me
as I turned intently toward my soul.

as I stood at the door of "Go Deeper"
I heard the ego's howl of resistance,
felt the shivers of my false security
but knew there could be no other way.
inward I traveled, down, down,
drawn further into the truth
than I ever intended to go.

as I moved far and deep and long
eerie things long lain hidden
jeered at me with shadowy voices,
while love I'd never envisioned
wrapped compassionate ribbons
'round my fearful, anxious heart.

further in I sank, to the depths,
past all my arrogance and confusion,
through all my questions and doubts,
beyond all I held to be fact.

finally I stood before a new door:
the Hall of Oneness and Freedom.
uncertain and wary, I slowly opened,
discovering a space of welcoming light.

I entered the sacred inner room
where everything sings of Mystery.
no longer could I deny or resist
the decay of clenching control
and the silent gasps of surrender.

there in that sacred place of my Self
Love of a lasting kind came forth,
embracing me like a long beloved one
come home for the first time.

much that I thought to be "me"
crept to the corners and died.
in its place a Being named Peace
slipped beside and softly spoke my name:
"Welcome home, True Self,
I've been waiting for you."

---Joyce Rupp

Copyright 1996 by Joyce Rupp All rights reserved.



Yesterday I rewrote a flyer pertaining to my energetic healing service. I am posting it here because I believe it is relevant and timely for where we find ourselves these days. They are end days of living unconsciously following insane impulses void of spirits presence:


Energetic Healing – Laying of Hands

The purpose of Energetic Healing/Laying of Hands is to be a conduit for channeling spiritual life force energy to clear physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual blocks. All dis-ease comes from blocked energy, which arises from not being connected to our authentic natural self.

 Humans used to be in touch with Nature and her natural rhythms. Through cultural conditioning, humans have been taught beliefs (habits) that have imprisoned the body and mind, effectively suppressing the expression of their authentic spiritual Being from expressing itself into the world. The words we are taught culminate into beliefs that act like software effectively shutting down our flow of consciousness. This consciousness contains the ability to be aware of our body, mind, soul, and spirit within our natural environment. This awareness is essential in knowing when to adjust and balance our responses to effect the highest possible state of health and well-being at all levels. Dis-ease is what arises from being out of balance with our inner Nature, and this is why humanity is destroying their outer environment. When one has inner balance, then one’s outer environment is in balance. This imbalance has caused a great deal of pain and suffering for a long time. Pain and suffering are indicators meant to get our attention, so we can make the necessary adjustments for our well-being. We have been conditioned/trained/brainwashed to shut off our awareness and are unable to see/hear/taste/feel the warning signs. Pain and suffering, the dis-ease, are the warning signs giving us instantaneous feedback from our environment based on our actions or lack of them; the opposite of dis-ease is ease.

 Ease is what arises from being in touch with one’s inner nature. Releasing the energetic blocks that prevent the flow of consciousness is essential for becoming conscious about one’s beliefs/habits that go counter to the flow of life. Fear, shame, guilt, and judging are counter to the flow of life. A life of ease includes peace, joy, bliss, ecstasy, and awareness. Dis-ease arises when we lose touch with the presence of our inner Being at any given time. The challenge then is to re-member to stay present with awareness in the moment, rather than getting caught up in past/future thinking, and being true to authentic self. Feelings are energy and essential in being conscious to dis-ease or ease. Our bodies were perfectly designed with feelings and emotions as organic biofeedback aspects for staying conscious. Our body was created this way to clear out the blocked energy to bring awareness. Awareness allows for learning, understanding, which ultimately leads to wisdom.  This is what consciousness does as it interacts with the material plane.

 The spectrum of our consciousness can be visualized as ranging from feelings (high energy) to emotions (low energy). Feelings are oriented in the chest regions, while emotions are centered in the stomach/abdomen area. Feelings are subtle energy vibrations, ranging from mid to high ranges of consciousness. If we do not pay attention to the feelings and act accordingly to remain in balance and harmony, then ignoring them will cause the feelings to build up. Emotions are highly charged due to the feelings building up (blocked energy). If we habitually ignore our emotions, they will come out destructively, either verbally or through physical acts. The other side of this situation is suppressing them to appear calm and collect. Unfortunately this results in dis-ease becoming more destructive by creating various levels of illness in the body/mind and or the continuation of consciousness lowering in vibration.

The effect of either of these states of consciousness can create ecstasy (heaven) or destruction (hell).  Most of humanity has been living in destructive mode for some time. The more unconscious we get, the further our energetic vibrations fall from feelings into emotions.  From an energetic context, lower vibrational energy comes from lower states of consciousness (blocked energy), whereas higher vibrational energy arises from higher states of consciousness (free flowing energy). Pain and suffering are lower vibrational energies. Being free of pain and suffering is nothing more than learning how to stay conscious and interact with this flow of consciousness (energy) to create higher states of awareness. Enlightenment is nothing more than becoming conscious and awareness of the vastness of your own feelings to align with the harmony deep within authentic Being, which will then create an outer harmonious world. Our inner harmony has never left us; we have only covered it over, like the clouds obscure the light of the Sun. The Sun never ceases radiating its light, and our inner Being is that Sun, is that light radiating.

As a practitioner, the process of energetic healing is allowing the Inner Light to radiate through my body and out through my hands into the client. The light or spiritual energy consciously knows how to interact with your own energy fields to dissolve the blockages so your energy meridians can flow unencumbered to raise your level of consciousness to the next level. This is similar to a dimmer switch, where one can raise the level of light. Clients are required to focus conscious awareness on their body tensions/sensations, quality of breathing, flow of energy, and any other inner cues such as memories, images, smells, tastes, colors, sounds, or feelings.  This feedback information can be of great value for the practitioner to intuitively guide the client with suggestions for integrating and transforming whatever emotions, feelings or realizations that may arise. The potential of transformation is completely in the hands of the client in their willingness and ability to let go of pain, suffering, dis-ease or anything else that isn’t working in their life to allow room for the ease, joy, bliss, and peace of mind that is our true nature.



5.16.08 - 

"According to the tantric Buddhist  approach, we don’t relate to art as purely aesthetics, but we approach artistic talent and perception simply, as natural phenomenon." - Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche



5.18.08 - I received the latest email notice of updates to the Continuum site. Sifting through the newly added articles, I found this amazing excerpt that touched upon something I realized during a journey last October:


"I go daily to this place of remembering.  It calls me, beckons me, urges me to drop to the floor, breath and listen.  No longer goal oriented, explorations awaken curiosity and wonder at what will unfold.  “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves,” says Mary Oliver. This soft animal loves play, spacious time, contact with the sweet face of mother earth, deep dives into the fluid matrix of being, dances with the elements and initiations into the cosmos.


I am in a wave of equanimity, where polarities become possibilities.  Stillness pervades the space around and within me.  I see the ocean rising, I am the ocean rising.  I lay in a well-worn rock on the coast of British Columbia.  Shaped to my softened round form, the rock cradles me. I rest into the embrace of stone. Who knew it could be so soft and yielding?  My body, no longer emaciated, meets soft ground.  Who knew it could be so soft and yielding? My breath seems to ride the waves that lap onto the shore and rocks.  I listen to the stones tumble and roll, as the waves recede and pull them back out to sea. “The tide is coming in my dear. I know you have been waiting a long while.  Patiently at times and not so patiently at others,” a woman’s voice chides softly inside.  She continues to whisper gently. “You are ready to receive.  The tide returning is the symbol of your readiness.  There is nothing you need to do. Rest in this stillness as the tide comes in.  Allow it to wash over you and tumble the parts of you that are like these stones, loose fragments of a previous life wanting only to re-enter the ocean to be tumbled and reshaped once again.  Form dissolves into the formless only to reform once again. The ocean is your totem now.  Sit with it, breathe with it, move with its rhythmic song of return.  All who seek to learn detachment must know their own waters."


The full article "Conscious Embodiment: The Re-enchantment of Movement" can be read at: 



5.31.08 - Another month has come and gone amidst more changes, realizations, and releasing what is illusion and irrelevant for authentic Being. I've been exploring Ayurvedic medicine this month, doing an Ayurvedic treatment called Abhyanga, at the Ayurvedic Health Center. Later, I attended a class called, The Yoga of Food, which was incredibly informative to me as it explained a great deal about my own intuitive process of naturally gravitating towards certain foods at different times. The write up for the class opened my inner door more about foods as medicine:


"Ayurvedically, food is the fundamental tool for correcting imbalance and building health. Food carries the intelligence of nature's elements that become the intelligence of our bodies and minds. In this class we will explore the ancient Ayurvedic knowledge of the union of the six tastes, the subtle qualities of different foods and their digestive and post digestive impact. We will share Ayurvedic ways of preparing and eating that work with the forces of nature to encourage proper assimilation. And we will cook one dish (vegetable masala with seasoned rice) three different ways to demonstrate how to modify a food's effect to align with your unique constitution."


The part that peaked my interest was, "Food carries the intelligence of nature's elements that become the intelligence of our bodies and minds." Why, because everything is alive and sentient, and therefore what we take in is literally living essence of spirit. It speaks to this insane idea that has been distorting our awareness for a long time, and that idea is that there is living and dead stuff. The lie is that nothing is dead ever, it merely changes and rearranges and transforms its molecular structures to accommodate the contextual arrangement of matter for the continuation of life in all of its magnificent amazing forms, which is the dance of life we participate in. Humans have been believing that they are the superior species and quite frankly that is about the most ridiculous illusion created by humans.


When I look around this world at all the pain and suffering, the polluting of the water, air, and soil, the desecration of other life forms and cultural forms, it is obvious that humans are extremely ignorant of the levels of consciousness that all life forms have understood since the very beginning on planet Earth. There have been epic moments in different cultures throughout the ages, who reached some amazing plateaus of intelligence that disappeared. This is where the world currently finds itself again, on the verge of destroying itself through self-hatred expunged upon the world at large.

The healing modalities that are available to all of us at this particular time "could" alter life as we know it, if it were coupled with wisdom, intelligence, and common sense, and most importantly "awareness."


We merely have to look at the rising incidents of dis-ease, malnutrition, obesity, and a host of other illnesses of the body, mind, soul, and spirit, to realize that all is not well and has not been well for a long time. What has been destroying the unfoldment of awake and aware societies is the crippling effects of egoic identification externally focused on materialistic contexts that have literally caused an imbalance in the individual and collective psyches of human beings. The entire world as we know it has been created based on the internal thought processes centered in dysfunctional belief systems that have been negating "authentic self" on a regular basis.


Humans are habituated creatures enslaved in cultural software that severely cripples their ability to authentically navigate through life as an aware spiritual Being. Health and well-being is essential if one is to reach this level of awareness. Each level has the capacity built into it to take one to the next level. The material realm is a lower vibrational level and the levels step up, sort of like a stair way to heaven if you will. The objective is to raise our vibrational level to the higher vibrational levels. The higher the vibration, the more joyful, blissful, ecstatic and it is important to understand we were born from this high vibrational energy and it is the essence of soul/spirit. The only reason we do not experience this incredible feeling is because the egoic mind has systematically conditioned the mind to disconnect from the body so to speak.


This is why I keep talking about doing body work, breath work, body movement, and energetic healing, along with other modalities of integration work. All of these aspects bring integration back into balance so that one can have access to awareness to circumvent the egoic mechanisms in order to free oneself from fear, shame, and guilt. The more you taste true freedom, the more you begin to understand the cultural mechanisms that have imprisoned the body and mind from experiencing authentic self/Being. Once you access the body, the journey of becoming aware of how sensitive the body is to subtle differences in energy. Energy is consciousness, is awareness, is enlightenment. Nothing more, nothing less.


I have come to realize that all dis-ease and injuries are energetic in nature, that are thoughts/beliefs create these outcomes based on our patterns we downloaded from our early years on up to the present. So, I have made the decision to focus on energetic healing like acupuncture or those relegated towards body movement/work. I've also shifted towards flower essences, homeopathic, herbal, and foods, since they are natural and deal with the subtle energy planes. At some point I will post some books and informational sites. There are also other energetic healing aspects that deal with the chakra system. I had a session of this today that was quite interesting to experience. I am extremely sensitive to energies, so when I do healing sessions, I can tell whether they are working or not. I also recommend yoga and there are many styles to choose from, so discernment is required to find one that "feels" right.


It takes time to get ones egoic mind out of the equation to begin to entertain the realization that everything is energetic and conscious in nature. Focusing on the idea that only we humans are energetic and conscious is why we are imprisoned in pain and suffering because this thinking pattern locks humans out of experiencing the body/mind connection that is the portal to soul/spirit.


Peace and stillness,




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